My son has broken my heart.?

Question

In order to continue any relationship with my 30 year old son, who just recently married, I have to not trust what he says and pretend to be his family, when in truth I have lost all respect for him. I've always been supportive and keep out of his business at the same time. I've been a good mother and person. I still will, but without the love that he has taken for granted. How sad. Question: How can I continue through this hurt and have closure. Any ideas?

Answer 1

There is not enough information about your situation, but I am assuming that you have tried your best to raise him correctly and have done that with dignity. If he is not to be trusted, then you can not let him treat you like a doormat. This means no special treatment. Keep him at arms length and do not let him make you feel guilty. It is his turn to mend the broken relationship between the two of you. If he really wants to for the right reasons, then he will step forward and do the right thing. He needs to put forth some real effort. Not guilt, not demands, not deception. He is an adult and you should not feel guilty any longer about his shortcomings.

Answer 2

I am so very sorry your son has hurt you so badly. If we knew exactly what was going on, we maybe be able to help you better. Our children do hurt and disappoint us sometimes, but something in your situation must have been horrible. It is sad when a Mother can't trust her son and respect him. My children have step on my heart, but never stomped on it. Please could you please talk to him, or is it ain;t the point you just handle the problems any longer. I wish I knew what to say that would make the situation a little easier for you to deal with.

Honey, we can love someone and not like them. I been there and done that lots. Your son is going to regret hurting you one day, and I hope you can be able to forgive him. I pray that you can find a peace, and some sort of closure, and I apologize for not being to help, but I do care, this is sad, I truely hope things can be resolved for the both of you.

God bless us all...................

Answer 3

You will continue to hurt and will not find closure as long as you keep pretending to be what you're not. You are wearing 2 faces! You have him believing that you trust and respect him, when in all reallity you don't!! If you want closure, and you want the pain to go away, then you need to be honest with your son as well as yourself. And it may hurt him, but he will get over that. You on the other hand will never have inner peace.

Answer 4

That would depend on what he did to break your heart. You should love your children unconditionally. They make mistakes, they're only human, like you. They're also individuals with the free will to live their lives and you should not try to live vicariously through them. If you feel you're being taken for granted, ask yourself why. Is he wanting to spend more time with his family than with you? That's only natural. You should be proud you raised him well enough that he wants to have a normal life, be married, raise his own family, etc. Until we know what the problem is, though, it's difficult to address your question.

Answer 5

You have set us up to take your side, but not really given us enough detail to provide you a useful answer. If this is about you disliking your new daughter-in-law, which I sense it is, then you are being disingenuous to come here, air your dirty laundry halfway in public, and hope we are enough in the dark to just jump in and side with you in order to make you feel justified.

WHY have you lost all respect for him? WHY the bit about pretending to be his family? WHAT is it you felt you couldn't tell us here?

Sorry, but this question is a waste unless and until you say what your grievance with your son is. If you have uncovered evidence he's a serial killer, I have one answer; if he's married someone you dislike, I have another answer. Simple as that.

Answer 6

My parents dont always agree with what I have done in my life, but ultimatley the choices I have made, I have had to live with. Your son can only LIVE and LEARN - My parents (IE you) have made their OWN choices in life and have had to live with them as well. I would have one conversation with him about how you feel and be sure you plan out exactly what point you want to get across, tell him and leave it at that. We are all here for a certain period of time, make the best of that time and accpet your son for the decisions he has made.

Answer 7

I have learned that holding it in ...hurts. So maybe it's time to let it out and tell him how you feel and why. It will hurt too, but you will have that off your shoulders and be able to move thru life better. Someone else hurt me bad and I lost total respect, and it actually took them 9 months, to come and apoligize and give me closure.

Answer 8

I think you need to give some more details for a good answer. Why have you lost all respect for him? What is he saying that you can't trust? Why are you pretending to be his family, you're his mom, you are his family.

Answer 9

I know it's hard for you to get over the hurt but he's still your son and you do love him. Someday he's going to regret hurting you, I know it sounds crazy maybe but he will regret losing your respect. Just be patient, love him and try to forgive him and it will work in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 10

Your son can not meet your expectations, change your expectations of him. You didn't give details but I know there are always two sides of the story, you might try communicating with him, perhaps he has learned to be untruthful with you as a way of coping with the way he perceives you.