How much freedom should children have? Being strict or provide children with many choices as possible?........

Question

I need your help and cooperation. Just let me know if you are parent or not and which is your type of parenting… (Permissive – democratic – authoritative …Maybe you are somewhere in between-) I am going to use it for my research.

Try to remember: No parenting style will work unless you build a loving bond with your child.

Answer 1

I am not a parent but my husband and I are educators. As a result, I believe I am a little more unbiased and can see things as they are not as I want to believe they are.

With that being said, I believe that children need structure. That does not mean that one should plan out every second of the child's day but it is imperative that the child know when and what will trigger certain responses. Children are very adept at deciphering when discipline is not consistent or non-existent.

I see too many parents that say thing like "All I ask is that he do homework. He doesn't have to do chores or work. I don't know why he won't do his work." That is a recipe for disaster. Children who do not learn the value of hardwork by having to perform some chores (age appropiate) and/or never learn that everything in this earth has to be earned (not a right) grow up to be irresponsible.

Also, a huge problem today is that parents do not spend enough time with their children. Parents today believe that providing material goods for their children is their ONLY duty. As a result, you have young kids that are unsupervised but have access to cash. That is no way to grow up because as the old saying goes, "idle hands are the devil's tools."

Bottom line: No one is guaranteed a good outcome when it comes to rearing children. However, if a parent provides the child with unconditional love, genuine interest, and reasonable boundaries success is much more attainable.

Answer 2

Having worked many years with Children with behavior disorders I feel consistancy and love and support is needed for all youths to survive this world. To many choices at to young of an age , you end up with a spoiled child. Allow child to speak their mind but in the end need to follow the rules. Many behavior modifacation books are available. Strictness is needed but the level of streictness is the problem that has to be solved on a parent/ child basis because every one has their own expectations. Start when they are very young, persistance, consistance, love and care for the child as a person in it's own right. The child will respond to limits if they know what the limmits are. Good luck with permissiveness untill the child can prove himself worthy.

Answer 3

Strict & choice are not independent of one another. My daughter does tons of things and has plenty of choices with within boundaries that ensure she does not get hurt in the process. People who say just let the kids figure it out or let them decide on their own are the reason are jails are full and the streets are covered in drug addicts. Children can't make decisions until the are given the tools with which to make appropriate debate and choice. Otherwise, they go by pure instinct which is whatever is the easiest and fastest route to feeling good, because no one ever gave them the mental tools they need to look towards the furture and weigh consequences.

On the other side, the controlling over-bearing parent that never lets their child make any decisions at all and continues to say 's/he is just a kid' when they are 18 creates the same problems for the same reason. They never gave their child the necessary mental tools to succeed and the chance to develop these. So now they are just large children.

It has been proven that by the age of 9 kids have their moral compass & behavioral patterns set. It is unlikely to change much after that age without the desire of that person to change. So parents who wait until 13 to start parenting are doomed.

My daughter is only 5. We talk all the time and read books about various scenarios that give her ideas on appropriate & inappropriate choices and the consequences associated with different behaviors. I consider myself strict but I don't make every choice for her, she is allowed to make those that are age appropriate such as which outfit to wear, occassionally choosing what is for dinner, how to spend her allowance, and when to complete her homework. However, she does not make these choices unsupervised. If she chooses candy for dinner, it's not happening. If she fails to do her homework at all, she will lose the privilege of choosing the time herself. If she wants to wear a twinkle fairy outfit to the grocery store...well if it's warm enough out guess it is not hurting anyone. She does not get to make choices such as acting disrepectfully to others in public and creating a nuisance like most kids seem to do these days. As she gets older, she will get more freedom but she will get reined in on choices that can harm her physically or mentally. If I have done my job right, then by 16 she should be responsible enough to make virtually all he own choices because she will have the background, experience, and moral compass with which to make good decisions so that she is ready to be a competent, capable adult at 18 and not just an overgrown kid.

Childhood is the learning curve to adulthood, which is why children are held to a lower standard. This attitude of kids will be kids has got to go. All it does is hurt these children who grow up to be floundering unprepared adults still exhibiting childish behaviors that are no longer accepted by society.

Answer 4

I am a parent of 3 of my own kids plus I am a foster parent as well.
I am not really sure what to call my parenting style.
My house has rules and they must be followed or there are consequences. Sometimes they are just natural consequences that happen, other times breaking the rules requires discipline- restriction or time out or maybe just restriction from certain things like TV or phone.
When my kids ask to do something that I am not comfortable with I always tell them that I will think about it first. I don't say no right off the bat because I need time to think about why I am not comfortable with something. I don't want to say no and then change my mind and have them think that they can badger me into saying yes all the time. My kids are always allowed to voice their opinions, so long as it is done respectfully. I think there is a huge difference in them saying "I am angry with you because you didn't listen to me when I was trying to tell you _____" as opposed to "I hate your guts you moronic b**ch, you never listen to me." I encourage my kids to share their opinions, feelings and thoughts with me. Even if it is that they are angry with me or something I don't want to hear. And there are times, that I need a time out as well. Maybe they said something that I don't like but holds some truth- then I take a time out and think about what they said. Maybe I am very angry with something they did- so I take a time out because disciplining them when I am angry will solve nothing. So I take some time and go sit on the porch and just breathe. I think about what punishment would fit the crime. Then I go back inside once I am calm and we talk about it and then they get disciplined.
I don't know, I guess I am somewhere in between or a mixutre of all types.

Answer 5

I'm a mother and the parenting style that I'm trying to follow is authoritative which should be differentiated from authoritarian.

Authoritarian parents are highly demanding and directive, but not responsive. "They are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62). These parents provide well-ordered and structured environments with clearly stated rules. Authoritarian parents can be divided into two types: non authoritarian-directive, who are directive, but not intrusive or autocratic in their use of power, and authoritarian-directive, who are highly intrusive.

Authoritative parents are both demanding and responsive. "They monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative" (Baumrind, 1991, p. 62).

Answer 6

well i am not a parent yet but my parents raised me with a strict but very relaxed style. when i was little just because of the times they were strict only in the sense that don't talk to strangers, no fighting, they did ground us but only if it was really bad what we did. now that i am older they have the relationship with me that my friends would, they still give me the parent advice but they understand that they have raised me the best they could. which i think is very well my brother and i both own houses and have wonderful jobs and we are both under 24. hope that helps

Answer 7

i have a one year old, so i havent really been faced with any major issues. But i would say im somewhere in between democratic and permissive. i strongly believe in giving children lots of choices (all choices that make me happy, but let the child feel that they have some control over their lives). that is really important in developing their self esteem.

Answer 8

I am a mommy. We believe in giving our kidlets boundaries -- heaped with losta love and forgiveness. I think people are born bad and it takes work to mold character and morals into them. It is perfectly natural for children to act out and it is the parents responsibility to correct and teach them without taking it personally.

A rule of thumb for me is: if I really want to correct my daughter, then I have a bad attitude and am not allowed to. There will always be another time to teach her when I have a good and loving attitude about it.

Answer 9

im not a parent thank god, and am planning to stay that way 'till married. im 13 yrs old, i have a 5 yr old sis and i take care of her as if she were my own, and I have great parents. this is what type of parenting should b like: give ur child as much attention as u can, but dont b in their face ALL the time, or they eventually get tired of u bing there. let ur kid have some space, but dont let him/her do whatever they feel like doing. let them have fun, but dont let it get out of hand. let them learn from their own mistakes, unless they are the big change ur life 4ever kind, then its ok to put ur foot down and say, b4 u do this stupid act, let me tell u wuts gonna happen if u do and explain it THOUROWLY!!! make sure the child deeply understands the consequences of their behaviors, and make it a big deal- bcuz IT IS!! give ur kid room to breath, just make sure not to breath to deeply. this should bring a happy and healthy relationship btween u and ur kid. thus, opening up a very wide window of co-operation. ~annalise

Answer 10

I'm not a parent, but I believe that if you want your children to grow up to be incapable of making decisions, then you should never let them make decisions.

However, if you want your child to grow to be capable of making decisions, then, as they grow, you need to allow them to make more and more decisions for themselves (within reason, and as appropriate).

I agree that a loving bond, a genuine caring for the child, and an appreciation of the child for who he or she is are essential -- probably more important than any other thing.