my bf came back from iraq about a week ago, when he was out there he was so loving with me but, now he has become so distance...what should I do. Im already considering him my ex...and it hurts.
2006-10-18 05:11:07 · 15 answers · asked by ImWaiting 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a military wife myself. My husband just got back from a year long deployment in August. He is going to seem distant at first because he has to get used to being back in the states, used to being around his friends and family, and used to everyday life in general all without the worry of being attacked. Also, every service member in Iraq has to practice opsec (operational security). Basically that means there are certain things service members are not allowed to talk about. After doing this for a year, it becomes a habit, and while they think that they may not be isolating themselves they tend to leave out minute details that they feel are not important. Also, they have to turn off their emotions so that they do not drive themselves crazy. When us as wifes and girlfriends see this, we tend to think that they do not care, when in reality they do, they just do not know how to show it again right away. The Army actually has about a three month time frame for soldiers to reintegrate and adjust to garrison life (being in America) again. Other issues typical of reintegration include: intimacy issues, servere bouts of depression, nightmares, wanting to spend more time with the other soldiers that they deployed with, and a struggle for dominance. A lot of people want to go back to the way that things were, but after a long period of time being separated people become more independent and develop their own routines. If he is in the army, you can also contact the army one source. They will be able to help you out more with couples counceling or whatever you two need help with. Also, remember that the chaplain is there for you too. He may be your best asset.
If you are hurting because you are considering him your ex, that means that you still really love him. Love does hurt, and you will have ups and downs. This is definately a down, but if you are able to understand soomewhat what he is going through you can turn it into an up. Remember that patience is always a virtue.
Good luck
2006-10-18 05:48:09 · answer #1 · answered by Crys 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-08 04:34:13 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first thing he just got back from IRAQ, ok he is going to be distant at first...He has been through alot since he has been gone ... Try and be understanding to this and be there for him. Give him some time he will come back around ...just takes time after what he has done!!!OK? If it hurts you to think of him being your EX then that means you still love him and if you truly do then it will be worth the wait!Good Luck to you both!
2006-10-18 05:15:01 · answer #3 · answered by JACKIE M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry that this happened, I know how it feels to be distanced from someone you love. We need to realize though that not everyone that we date is the one for us. I would say talk to him, be open and honest with him. If you keep things inside then you aren't being honest with your feelings. You should always talk to your loved one when something is bothering you. Then, if you two decide to go your separate ways, take the time to yourself, find a way to be happy by yourself before going into another relationship.
2006-10-18 05:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who knows what happened to him over there. I would give him some time to feel comfortable back home again. Try to help him as much as possible, but if he really has changed beyond help for you then it's best for the both of you to just get out of the relationship. I hope all the best for you.
2006-10-18 05:15:09 · answer #5 · answered by malou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girl, im going through the same thing, once he was over there, its all lovey dovey, i miss you's, i cant wait to see you, blah blah blah...now he came back, and everything changed. i know it hurts, it realy does, i was with mine for 8 years, so its hard. when he is in iraq, you are the closest thing he has to being with a woman, since he cant over there, but now that he is back, hes has his options everywhere, and girl, let me tell you that, he will probably look for other girls. if you want to chat, email me at maidepqua@yahoo, and i can help you through it, and maybe vice versa
2006-10-18 05:17:48 · answer #6 · answered by Miss Mai Tai 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best thing to do is to concentrate on yourself. What do you want? What do you need? What do you like to do? Forget about other people for a while and just get your life set straight. I'll bet you anything that before you even get around to it, someone else will be there - just when you weren't looking.
2006-10-18 05:14:27 · answer #7 · answered by panthrosbulge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore
2006-10-18 05:13:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
ask yourself do you really want to save the relationship;if you dont just tell him you want to move on.ifyou do,then explain your
distress & ask what he would suggest to get things back on the
right track.If he has no thoughts then offer to go to counseling
with him.make sure you use someone who has experience with
ex military types who make suffer from some type of stress
related issus....
2006-10-18 05:23:59 · answer #9 · answered by seen_it_b4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you gotta think about that one...but first consider his feelings...he just came from ifraq...do you know all the ****** up things he witnessed?...do you kno if he had to kill anyone...that will change people it's called post tramatic stressed disorder...he just got back from a very unpleasent place he needs to get used to being home...if he cares for you he'll come around...but you need to decide if you want to wait around....
2006-10-18 05:16:09 · answer #10 · answered by mousygirl15 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋