As we are getting married in church, we have two preparation sessions with a couple from the church and I would really like to know what to expect. Especially if there are conversations that my fiance and I should have now before we meet them!
2006-10-18 04:53:29 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I start the FOCCUS sessions on Monday myself. (In the Catholic church) It sounds interesting, but a little intimidating at the same time. On my paper here, it states "The couple is required to complete FOCCUS, an in-depth questionnaire to determine compatibility and awareness of each other. The results will facilitate the couple's understanding of each other in the categories they cover. This exercise is an analysis covering all areas of marriage and questions you may find difficult to raise and discuss on your own." The second part states "This course will cover important topics from communication to the sacrament of matrimony...."
In another leaflet that I was given.... some points that it brings up are...
1. What do you expect from marriage? From life? What are your goals?
2. What is the strongest feature of your relationship now? What's the weakest?
3. What are your attitudes on: having and raising children? Sex? Religion? Relationships with family and friends? careers and finances?
4. How will you balance the demands of work, home and a family?
5. Do you see the different ways each of you deals with relationships, problems?
6. Are you looking for perfection? Or planning to change your partner? Are you over-eager to marry?
7. Are there qualities you couldn't stand to live with? Essential qualities?
8. Have family and friends advised re-thinking your engagement? Have you considered these reservations carefully?
9. How does your spouse-to-be answer these questions.
(Compare notes. Talk about everything)
Since my fiance and I go on Monday evening, he and I are going to sit down this weekend and go over everything I just typed out to you. I just want to be prepared, I don't want to feel intimidated being there and being asked all kinds of questions for the purpose of finding out our compatibility. Feel like I need to get a passing grade or what not, hehe. In any event, good luck to you, don't be nervous, I'm gonna try not to be either! :)
2006-10-18 14:29:30 · answer #1 · answered by Kass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Often these sessions are designed to get you to talk, with each other and with some guidance, about the religious implications of Marriage, but the best programs also are designed to get you to talk about the every day aspects of marriage.
How many children do you want? What are your finances going to be like? What are your short and long term goals, as individuals and as a couple? There are a bunch more topics that could be covered. I remember we had a topic on arguing. It is going to happen, so how can you make it constructive and not just destructive?
2006-10-18 05:10:37 · answer #2 · answered by math_prof 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't go in with expectations that things will be fixed within a few sessions. You will basically tell your story, and why you ended up in their office. 50 minutes isn't alot of time. Average amount of counseling lasts about 18 months with weekly visits. It's a huge commitment, but if you're in it for long haul, you will reap the rewards by having a better marriage.
2016-03-18 21:29:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on the individual church, to be honest, but I don't think you need to revise for it! They are probably giving you two sessions so that they can introduce some ideas in the first, and then discuss them in the second.
They chances are that they'll ask you why you want to get married, what you expect married life to be like and what you expect from your partner. In mine they asked us whether we had talked about having children, whether we had very different backgrounds (ie religious or national) and things like that, not so that they could tell us we weren't right for each other, but just to make sure we'd thought about the kind of things that could come up in 50 years of marriage.
Remember, its not their place to judge you - they should only be there to help you and encourage you to talk.
2006-10-18 05:11:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The church expects marriage to be a commitment for life. They want you to go into it knowing what to expect.
Don't worry, the sessions are designed to help you. If you decide that the church's ideas on marriage are not for you, you can still opt to get married elsewhere.
2006-10-18 04:58:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just had an episcople ceremony and also had the two session with the pastor. In the first session, he asked each of us to talk about the other: what we admired, disliked, and how we felt about their comments on us. He also asked if we agreed on children and religion, how we interacted with future in-laws and our own familes, and any life experiences that may have changed us for the better or worse. They basically just didn't want any big surprises coming up post wedding. I must admit, it was really nice to hear your fiance talk about why he loves you and wants to spend his life with you. The second session was all about the wedding ceremony itself.
2006-10-18 09:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by Meems 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it may have changed but when i went to these sessions it was all about the churches expectations of what marriage is about and the fact that its not just a contract its a spiritual commitment etc etc - its very much based around what the church expects from you and not really what the church can do for you and your intended - to be honest i was working late shifts when i did mine and on the first session i actually nodded off and the vicar was not a happy chappie !
2006-10-18 05:09:56 · answer #7 · answered by Tom J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like everyone else said they are designed to help
They go over what part religion will take in your relationship, we also had little surveys to fill out and bring back to see any areas we could work on, and they just make sure you know that it's a huge step and a lot of work.
They also go over the ceremony with you too. (like the wedding script)
2006-10-18 06:22:04 · answer #8 · answered by *~Mom2aJellybean~* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They asked us about different issues , that hopefully you have talked about before. They see if you have the same viewpoints on having children, your career goals, Your religious values. In my case I was not of the same religion at the time, but was in the process of converting. They also asked about family support and why some family members may not be supportive. They discussed if we were on the same page about financial obligations. We also had little booklets that we read and then answered questions to see how well we knew the other person. It was actually very informative.
2006-10-18 05:03:57 · answer #9 · answered by chellie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it a pre-Cana class? If so, that's NOT like wedding planning at all... it's more about how your religion will play a part in your marriage.
You can call the church and ask them what to expect, or talk to your priest/ minister about it beforehand.
2006-10-18 05:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋