My wedding is in 2 weeks and 5 days and right now the decorations for the reception are crazy. I just this week figured out what I want the decorations to look like. My boyfreinds mother and I agreed on what the centerpieces were to look like. I just found out yesturday that she changed them with out advising me first. She is making decisions without me. She told my boyfriend it is because i took too long to tell her what i wanted. What do i do?!?
2006-10-18 04:51:52 · 19 answers · asked by DDee 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Also, my boyfriend is so stressed out because he is stuck in between the both of us and wants for us to both be happy. Should I just let his mom make all of the decisions so he can make his mom happy and not get bitched at by her.
2006-10-18 04:53:35 · update #1
Yes, that is really annoying and you should be angry with her- but you love your boyfriend, right? And you want this marriage to work? Then I'm afraid you'll have to pick your battles. Yes, she totally overstepped her boundaries by changing the centerpieces without asking you, but maybe she thought she was being helpful. After all, I'm assuming you asked her to help you with planning the wedding in the first place, and you can't just have her help out when it is convenient for you. She's probably just as excited about this wedding as you are, and I'm sure she wouldn't have purposely done that to hurt you or make you mad. You do need to let her know that you appreciate her input but wish she would allow you to make some decisions at your own wedding, or else she will repeat the pattern for the rest of your married life- she'll be picking out your baby's name, calling you up and telling you what to make for dinner, etc. Just aproach her in a friendly, non-confrontational way. Say, "I really like the centerpieces you picked. Thanks for helping me out. I was just wondering why you changed them from the ones we decided on earlier." She might have a legitimate excuse- like she found out they didn't look as good in person, or there was someone who was allergic to a specific type of flower- I don't know. But the message will be sent- nicely- that you wish she hadn't gone behind your back with it. Do remember, though, that she is the mother of the man you love, and try to not lose your head over relatively small things lilke this. Congrats on your wedding!
2006-10-18 09:32:54 · answer #1 · answered by fizzygurrl1980 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to take hiom out of the middle of the equation and sit down and have a talk with her one on one. Tell her how much you appreciate all of the help she's been giving you and that you are so grateful that she wants to be so involved in your wedding preparations, but that she needs to realize that you have dreamed about this wedding for as long as you can remember and you have some ideas in your head that you really want to go with. Tell her that you would appreciate in the future if before she made any decisions she would consult you because it really hurt you that she went behind your back and made a decision without you. Stress to her how excited you are that you and she will be family and that you don't want to start off on the wrong foot. You want to make sure that you have a good relationship with her and that you want to make sure that the both of you are communicating and that you want to make sure that you both enjoy this wedding, but you also want her to respect that it is your wedding and that she needs to make sure that your'e happy with her decisions. Just be nice and nonconfrontational and talk to her one on one instead of going through your fiance.
2006-10-18 07:46:40 · answer #2 · answered by ms. teacher ft 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No.
You are going to marry this guy and if you let her run the wedding (and run over you) she will and she will ALWAYS. Stand up!!
For all of us out here that are taking crap from our MIL PLEASE stand up for yourself and to her. There is NO better time than your wedding to put your foot down and get what YOU want. Absolutely everyone will back you and your decision.
It is a positive that she is willing to help so be careful how you do this but you must tell her that you are not happy with the centerpieces. Either tell her you will make the changes or you will let it go but please discuss anything and everything with you first. You appreciate her and her help with the wedding and you know she understands it's your day but it's been difficult to let everyone know your vision for your special day and you will try your best...blah blah
Good luck.
2006-10-18 07:06:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
how long has your mom been with himÉ He sounds like he has a temper be careful for you`s and your mom. You need to try to talk to your mom by herself and remind her that people dont usually talk that way, that you think he has a uncontrollable temper, which could get worse later. I went threw this too and never seen the signs and kept accepting his applogies until it got real bad. I was abused bad. I left him but i went threw bad times first and so did my kids and now we are veryu happy and i met someone very nice for my lids who loves them unconditionally.. let us know hun and never be afraid to tell anyone even a teacher, even if they threaten you it will always get worse even if you dont tell..It can be very serious and save you or your moms life. You always have us on here and can give your address and number to anyone on here if you needed them to call a police, they or if you are afraid of that you can always look up the towns opp station in your city and send them an email via their site ok they have an emergency part on there. Or try typing in 911 web messages and there might be a site you can access quicker if you ever needed a emergency. Just leave the situation and dont act any different pretend u are writing a friend and go on the site, or drop the phone under a bed after you call 911 and they always come even if you dont answer once the first ring goes thu they are on their way anyway. I hope it never leads to that but i dont feel comfortable unless i tell you this, as you sound young and the way her boyfriend is acting sounds like he maybe abusive so you take care and i hope to hear from you soon hugs and god bless Regards to the threaten to kill yourself aww no worse thing you could ever do. Idont think this is approperiate for this type of age or situation and can lead to future problems, it could also lead people with abuse into crisis situations, this is very bad and needs some careful thought. will also lead to the mother maybe not believing in her daughter and this ptential abuse getting worse and never believed later on
2016-05-21 23:36:42 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your wedding not your mother-in-laws, but you can't let your fiance fight your fights for you. You need to stand up to your mother-in-law yourself or it is going to stay this way. I would just sit down with her and say, I like your ideas but I have given this a lot of thought and I would like to stick with mine. I appreciate your help but I really need you to ask me before making decisions without me. I have a lot of decisions to make but I want this day to be perfect. Just let her know what you want. You have to understnad what your fiance is going through as well, he wants what is best for you but you have put him in a tough situation. I hope it all works out for you and I'm sure it will. In the end it won't matter what decorations you have! Everything will be beautiful!
2006-10-18 05:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by glitter3317 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is paying for the wedding? And is it your wedding or hers? If she is forking out the money then let her decorate how ever she wants. You will be having so much fun you seriously wont notice the centerpieces or remember what they look like.
And if you or your family is paying for it then nicely tell her its still your final decision what you want, since its about you and your husband not her.
2006-10-18 15:21:51 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who is paying for the wedding?
If she is paying, let her make the decisions and just keep reminding yourself that after the wedding you won't have to see her again until Christmas...and you won't be worried about the centerpieces on the day, don't worry.
If you and your bf are paying, she shouldn't have any control whatsoever. Call the decoraters or florists or caterers or whoever and inform them that NOTHING is to be changed without your approval. Then she CANNOT do anything without you knowing about it!
Good luck! The thing I hate the most about my husband is his mother! lol!
2006-10-18 05:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by jeshzisd 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
My first question would be is she paying for this wedding, but regardless if she is she still does not have the right to plan it for you. I went through a similar situation when i got married my parents gave as a gift to us enough money to pay for the reception hall and food and drinks. at first this meant to my mother that she could decide what food i served etc... I had to have a sit down with her and my dad and let them know i thoguht their gift was genrous and i was happy to accept but if by accepting it meant that i was giving them control than i did not want to accept it. They finally got it and eased up, but that may be a conversation you and your fiance or just you finace has with his mother. You may also want to speak to the different vendors and tell them look if my mother in law calls you to make changes please alret me first before you change anything. Your finace needs to get involved and talk to her if not then you should talk to her and tell her how you feel in a firm but nice manner.
2006-10-18 05:56:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It depends on who is paying, if your paying she shouldn't be aloud to oversea or change anything. More than likey she must be paying, but yall should come to some kind of compromise that makes you happy since it is your day and no matter who pays she has no right to make a decision for your wedding without you.
2006-10-18 08:39:12 · answer #9 · answered by Shonreaq G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont think its right that she chose things behind your back its your wedding not her's.. sorry. I would see what she chose if you like it stick with it but if your not happy chose what you want again its your day (you & bf) not her's its not right for her to be so controlling about it ... if it is a continuous problem i would have a frank discussion with your finace tell him you know he's stressed but its not right what shes doing and tell him you are going to talk to her... both of you should decide what you want to say to her and tell her together you appreciate her help but it wasn't right that she changed things without your consent and you would appreciate in the future if she would discuss it with you first and i would advise your vendors to discuss details with all of you instead of just her in the future as well.... best of luck to you.
2006-10-18 05:05:28 · answer #10 · answered by So Happy!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋