A bloke I know and really get along with (you know, the same sense of humour, similar personalities) has asked me out. He's a top bloke in everyway and I really want to say yes. But my best friend has had a major thing for him for nearly 5 years now and though she hasn't really done anything about it, we all know isn't too keen on the idea of anyone of her friends liking him in the same way she does. I just don't know what to do. Should I risk losing my friendship to spend more time with this amazing bloke or should I just be happy with knowing that he likes me and making puppy eyes at him across a bar but keep my best friend?
2006-10-18 03:49:40 · 29 answers · asked by claire c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Believe it or not you've actually got the advantage here. You have a solid friendship with a bloke and he's willing to take the friendship to the next level. And your best friend is involved in the equation. That gives you the upper hnd when talking to either of them. Firstly, it's not up to you or your friend to decide who he can and can't see, its HIS choice. And he chose you.
Does this lad know how your frind feels about him? I think it would be safe for you to discuss this with him. (Afterall, if you do decide to go out with him I'm sure he'll find out sooner or later.)
Let him make the choice once he knows his options. He picked you once already, I'm sure he'll stick with his choice. If he knows about your friend and he still wants you, go for it. There is nothing your best friend can do about his choice, and what kind of a friend stands in the way of another friend's happiness just because she can't have it as well?
I say go out with the man, but be sensitive about your frends feelings. Afterall, you're getting what you want.
Ps, if you do go out with him, I think it would be best if your friend heard it straight from you. Don't let her find out from someone else. Good luck.
2006-10-18 04:13:47 · answer #1 · answered by James M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two years ago my best friend introduced me to a guy she worked with that she quite fancied. Anyway to cut a long boring story short he liked me, i liked him and have been going out ever since- needless to say, the girl im talking about hasnt spoken to me in 2 years.
The way i see it, we had left school and had started uni and it was only a matter of time before we were going to fall out anyways and i cant imagine my life now without him by my side.
It may have seemed like a bitchy thing to do, but looking back on it i dont regret it, it never caused world war 3 and nobody died.
My advice to you: Is talk it through with this guy, let him know how you feel and if you prefer to keep your friends close then just let him know that you can't go there because you don't wana hurt your friend or tell your friend how you feel- at the end of the day it's been 5 years and she has'nt done anything about it- she will get over it.
Good Luck!
2006-10-18 04:07:00 · answer #2 · answered by miscellaneous 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only go for the guy if you are truly serious about making it work longtime and you think he might be too......x years down the line when/if you're living with a guy that guy will be your best friend and your girl friends will have moved on too. It would be foolish to lose a really good friendship for a fling but if the relationship you start is destined for the long term then you could be gaining a new best friend and with any luck you'll keep your friendship with your girlfriend so you'll be better off......if not it'll have been a swap so you'll be no worse off
2006-10-18 04:00:49 · answer #3 · answered by Jo D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is rough one. I would say that you need to talk to your friend about it. At this point though I would approach it in the way that you point out to her that it's been five years, if something was meant to happen it would have by now. Tell her that you are serious about him (if you are). Judge her reaction. If she is apprehensive but says she's ok with it then it is obviously a crush. If she quickly says she hates the idea and wont accept it you may need to get a new best friend and she is being selfish. If you dont really see you and the guy going anywhere though I would say save the friendship and let it go.
2006-10-18 04:41:22 · answer #4 · answered by missdmeaner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simple as this 'NO MAN COMES BETWEEN 2 WOMEN' ...as vice versa for the MEN. Also this might test your friendship with your good friend. But don't dent your chances of happiness. It would be quite typical if this Man was interested in your friend, he would have done something about it. It's not being insensitive about it. Just kindly break it to your friend, before you make your move. At least there are no surprises. But this scenario will come ...would your friend get too jealous if you are spending too much time with him. As they say 3 is a crowd. But we're all adults in the end of the day. We need to make the best decisions for ourselves ...If your friend is a true friend ...in hindsight they stick by you thick and thin.
2006-10-18 04:14:53 · answer #5 · answered by darkdealx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Friends are forever, just remember that, you shouldn't put your friendship at risk for something that might not even last. But you should talk to your best friend about your feelings and hear what she has to say about the whole situation. If she says you should stay away then do so out of your respect for her.
2006-10-18 03:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by eternal_desire131 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd speak to your friend first! Tell her that he has asked you out, and that you want to go out with him too.
If she is a true friend, she will not stand in your way. If she tries to stop you, then she is the wrong kind of friend.
Whatever you do, don't just go out with him, and keep it from your friend. If you do that, when she finds out (and she will), she will feel as if you have betrayed her, and may feel that you and your other friends are laughing at her behind her back. You owe it to her to tell her first.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago, although I was the friend who fancied the bloke. She went out with him secretly for weeks, and didn't tell me. We are still friends, but deep down that "betrayal" still hurts like hell! NOT that she went out with him. He liked her, and that was that. It was the fact that she didn't tell me, and it made me feel a fool. They are still together, and they often come to stay with my Fiance and I with their child.
2006-10-18 04:22:07 · answer #7 · answered by Copper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe me its not worth losing a friend for some bloke especially your best Friend ... you could try talking to her in around about way about this guy and what would happen if you went out wit him
2006-10-18 03:55:05 · answer #8 · answered by annemarie o 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would sit your friend down and tell her what's going on and basically ask permission to date the guy. Guys come and go but friends remain. If shes a good friend she'll let you try to be happy anyway, so it sounds like it's a win-win situation!
2006-10-18 03:53:42 · answer #9 · answered by megha717 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Five years is long enough - if she hasn't done anything abt it in that time she isn't as keen as she makes out. All's fair in love and war... the field is yours.
Only a manipulative person would have you dance to her tune.
2006-10-18 04:00:28 · answer #10 · answered by Tertia 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋