why do I love my husband, & feel guilt?

Question

My husband fractured my skull, my cheekbone, and tore my trachea now he's in prison.

Answer 1

sounds like battered womens syndrome to me. i suggest you get counseling immediately. good luck and God bless you.

Answer 2

I would like to ask you this question. Did you love the pain? Did you say,"Please tear my trachea." or "Please fracture my skull and cheekbone."? Of course not. Guilt is a powerful emotion and a great motivator, what good do you derive from feeling guilty?
Let him rot in prison, never communicate with him again and start a new life without this idiot. He doesn't deserve you, he deserves prison and death.

Answer 3

I agree with everyone above me, honey you love him too much to see how he sees you. You love him for the man he probably USED to be, nice and caring and all that. But if a man beats a woman its because he doesnt care about her and has no respect for her. Most men won't do that until pushed to their breaking point (like my ex) but you need not to blame yourself. The only part of it that's your fault is staying with a man that unstable long enough to give him the opportunity to do that. He's inprison which means hopefully you were smart enought to call 911. Take this opportunity to file for divorce and move and do not give him your information. If you have kids he has rights but if you start the process while he's in jail (like get off the computer and do it NOW) you will be able to prove him an unfit father and get restraining orders. Its not a fun process but it'll all work better and more smoothly together if you do it now. Then when he gets out it'll be automatic child support anger management and lonliness. make the bastard pay.

Answer 4

You still love that monster? You need psychiatric help, honey. You have no respect for yourself. You are a special person and you deserve much better than that kind of treatment. Go get some counseling and find out why you think you deserved his battery! You should not feel any guilt for putting that guy where he belongs. He is an angry guy with severe emotional problems. He will hurt someone else someday and maybe himself. What you should feel right now is frightened. When he gets out he will probably come and try to kill you. You need to get as far away from him as you can and you need to hide from him. Go!

Answer 5

What you feel for your husband is not love. Love consists of mutual respect and admiration for another human being. Having been in a similar situation (though not quite as violent), I can tell you that you're hoping that if you "just love him enough" he'll appreciate that and love you in return. I'm sorry, honey, but it won't ever happen.

When we're children, and we experience abuse from those around us, we often spend a lifetime reliving the abuse with OTHER abusers, trying to "get it right this time". The drive behind it is this: "If I can just prove to THIS guy that I'm lovable enough, and get him to treat me right, it will invalidate all those others who didn't treat me with love and will validate MY worthiness."

If you feel GUILT because he's in prison for hurting you, you're playing the RESCUER role.

I will say this once, and I hope you'll listen, because if you listen and study this IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE:

Every woman (or person, for that matter) should read and understand the Karpman Drama Triangle. It will explain to you, clearly, why you feel the way you do and what to do about it. PLEASE read it, and study it. It changed my life, and I hope it does yours. :)

http://lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html

Answer 6

This is easy please see the movie Enough with J.Lo in it....you need help with changing your mental state. Please see a shrink, what you are going through is called Battered Women Syndrome.

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
(DSM-IV), known in the mental health field as the clinician's bible,
does not recognize battered women's syndrome as a distinct mental disorder. In fact, Dr. Lenore Walker, the architect of the classical battered women's syndrome theory, notes the syndrome is not an illness, but a theory that draws upon the principles of learned helplessness to explain why some women are unable to leave their abusers. Therefore, the classical battered women's syndrome theory is best regarded as an offshoot of the theory of learned helplessness and not a mental illness that afflicts abused women. The theory of learned helplessness sought to account for the passive behavior subjects exhibited when placed in an uncontrollable environment.

Answer 7

Undoubtably in some twisted perverted way, you blame it all on yourself. You're attracted to Bad Boys. Nice Guys are boring. Dull. Unexciting. Flowers and candy and opening doors and all that sort of nonsense. We'd never dream of hitting a woman. Of course we don't get nearly as much action as the Bad Boys. See Bill Clinton as the Alpha Bad Boy. Treats women, including his wife, like crap. People thinks he walks on water. Everywhere he goes women drop to their knees. Every woman says she'd like to meet "a really nice guy". She'll put up with the Nice Guy's routine for as long as she possibly can and then it's back to the Bad Boy. I can't explain it. Maybe it's becoming a normal thing.

Answer 8

This is a problem with most of u girls. A major problem with most of u'll. No matter what u feel about him and love him coz u see some love for u in some corner of his heart, it's bullshit, get out of that and live a life. U need to get out foe ur own good. And in case u like getting beaten up join wrestling but dont go back to that guy.

Answer 9

I'm sorry you have suffered that. He is in the right place.

You love him because emotions don't follow logic, there could be all sorts of reasons not connected with his violence. You feel guilty because you can see logically that your love is misplaced.

Unfortunately, there's no quick cure; you have to get on with your life without him and gradually your feelings - both of them - will fade and no longer give you trouble.

Good luck.

But please, please, don't go back to him when he gets out. People like that never change and next time he might kill you - or someone else.

Answer 10

Hey Honey,,,, I dont know why women think this way myself...

You need to find a guy that will treat you right baby,,,and beating on you is Not a substitution for Love.....

get a divorce and get away..... he will never change.... ever

good luck

Answer 11

He deserves it if he treated you that way. Get counseling to help you build back your confidence and lose your guilt. Things will get better. Good luck!