Am I doing the right thing regarding a Kindergarten bully?

Question

My 5 yr old son says there is a boy in his class who has made it a habit of hitting other kids while they are waiting in line before school starts. One day I stayed a little later than I normally would just to see if anything would happen and sure enough, he wacked another kid. When I tried talking to him he just put his head down and wouldn't speak. I talked to the teacher to let her know what is going on and she suspects there might be some family problems in his home. She said the boy is very withdrawn from class and hard to get him to say two words all day. So, I think what I will do is compliment the boy a little every day. He always staring at the ground and will almost never speak to an adult. I feel sorry for him because he doesn't know how to make friends, he hits to get attention. I told him I liked his green backpack and he smiled, but that's all I got out of him this morning.

Answer 1

you are doing the right thing, please dont be mad at him, he is most likely abused at home and acting that out at school, I would suggest to the teacher he see the school counselor. Thanks for having compassion for this boy!

Answer 2

He needs to be drawn out somehow to converse. This is kind of like a scared dog in a way. But there may be other things going on like ADHD or ODD. This may make it impossible to ever get anywhere. Because you have little or no say over what goes on with this child it will be frustrating. I would use the reason to address this that your child is fearful and not enjoying school or getting hurt etc. I would encourage the teacher to do something...and she can pressure the parents in quite a few ways to deal with this at this age so it doesn't become an ugly pattern. If you can't get anywhere there...go to the principal. If you can't get anywhere there...go to the administrator. I work in public schools. Unfortunately this child needs help and some teachers don't care or don't like confrontation with parents. I would just keep calmly trying. If you get loud and abusive you won't get anywhere. Keep your head and keep pecking away. Someone somewhere in the loop will address this and you'll be doing that child, your child, the parents, the school, EVERYONE a favor! Bravo!

Answer 3

The boy's trying to get attention. He may have a perfectly 'normal' home and family. Don't assume that he's troubled or abused. Shame on the kids' teacher for starting rumours and gossiping. She has no right to tell you things like that. If anything, she has an obligation to that child and as a teacher, has the resources to deal with that if she suspects he's troubled at home. What's she telling other parents about you?

Good for you and what you're doing. Kindness never killed anyone.

You can use this opportunity to open dialogue with your own child, about how it's not nice to hit other children and what he should do if someone hits him, if no one's around to tell, etc., etc.

Answer 4

You are on the right track, but you also need to encourage your son to do the same and show him what a good friend is. The teacher is required by law to report the problem if she feel s abuse is an issue. She also should be referring the child to the school counselor. You might want to bring it to the principal's attention as well in case the teacher isn't trying to get the student help. The principal (if a good one) will look into the matter.

Usually when students see a behavior modeled they will emulate it, so teaching your son to be kind to this child and try to befriend him, might help others do the same. It will help all of the children learn and develop social skills as well as build up their own esteem and those around them.

Answer 5

All I can say is this... your efforts are noble and kind but be careful. People who want to help and do nice things seem to get into trouble these days, especially when it involves someone elses children. Maybe you should also involve someone higher up like a principal or some one like that. I dont know if you ever see the boys parents but maybe you could try talking to them one day, just casually, to see how they are. If they seem nice and like maybe they just have a lot going on right now maybe its just a temporary thing but if the mom looks like she "falls down the stairs" a lot maybe there are deep issues that you will not be able to do anything about. Also try to remember your son while doing all of this, you never know how he may see your efforts and what may happen if the other boys parents are crazy or something. Poor kid. Good luck to you and that poor boy.

Answer 6

I'm a Kindergarten teacher and I appreciate the efforts you are making. Some people forget that even though some of these little kids can be mean, there are often reasons for the meanness. I work in a very low income school and some of these little guys know nothing other than hitting, screaming, and other dysfunctionality. It doesn't make the hitting right, but there needs to be some understanding to help make the leaps and bounds needed to help this little one know how to interact with other students. Letting these little guys know that we care about them will help them to start functioning in school. Keep up the good work, let the teacher know of what you are doing, she/he will appreciate it.

Answer 7

Its sad that kids act out like this to get attention. But if you can help make him feel wanted and put a little smile on his face then maybe it will stop. Its amazing what simple things can be done to make a change in someone elses life. Give yourself a pat on the back I think it is great that you are helping bring a little sunshine to this childs life especially when there is a down poor at his house. Maybe you could invite him over to play at your home w/ your son to help him interact with these kids.

Answer 8

I think you may be doing to right thing. Teach your son to do the same thing. Be his friend. If he is having trouble at home he is going to need a friend. Some kids have a hard time expressing how they feel. If he feels he can trust you and your son is his friend, he may stop the behavior. See if he would like to come over and play with your son sometime. Show him how it is at your house and how you are to behave with other children. He is missing something at home. Sounds like he is afraid of adults and the only time he has control is when he is hitting and scareing the other children. Good luck and keep up the good work.

Answer 9

I agree with Scmoops. I think it was wrong of the teacher to say anything about the boy having problems at home and starting a rumour mill. The boys behaviour could be for any number of reasons. Maybe his social skills aren't very well developed, maybe he is lonely and doesn't know how to make friends, maybe, maybe...
Congrats to you for being a good role model for him by showing him how to friendly. I've found kids respond very well from positive interaction from adults. Maybe encouraging your son to do the same would help. Make sure he lets the boy know its not OK to hit and that he won't accept it. Keep it up.

Answer 10

It's a start! A great start! Keep it up. He probably doesn't get compliments at home and isn't rewarded when he does something good. If you have time, I'd suggest volunteering in the class. Not only for him but for the other kids too. It seems like you really care about other children and I'm sure the teacher will appreciate the extra help.

Answer 11

I think you are on the right track.

My son had a similar problem with a kid in first grade who was kind of a bully. I explained to my son that the bully might just be trying to get attention because he feels like he doesn't have any friends. I suggested that he try to make friends with the bully and help him feel like he is part of "the group". Of course, I also explained the possibility that the bully won't care and will keep on being a bully, in which case my son would at least know that he tried.

It worked!

Of course, your mileage may vary. It is important to note that my son kind of has a knack for this sort of thing.