My dad is getting remarried in 2 weeks to the women he had an affair with and left my mum for 8 years ago. My mum and dad only divorced this year however. My mum gets very upset about my dad and this women and will be devasted if she finds out about them marrying (my dad doesn't want her to know and doesn't want us to tell her), or if she found out me and my bro went. What shull I do?!!
2006-10-18 02:43:08 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Don't lie to your mum and don't let your dad encourage you to lie.
Go to dad's wedding if that's what you want but tell your mum.
2006-10-18 02:46:34 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is unfair of your Dad to expect you to deceive your Mum. Your Mum has had 8 years to get used to the idea that he is with the woman he is marrying. I expect your Dad's intentions are good.........he probably feels guilty about your Mum's hurt, even after all this time. My suggestion would be to discuss this with your Dad and say you'd love to be there (assuming that you would) but that you are not prepared to go behind your Mum's back. She may well be hurt or even angry but she needs to realise that you have two parents and that you love both of them. Your Mum maybe, unintentionally taking her anger at your Dad out on your and your brother..............testing loyalties, which is not fair on you. Divorce is seldom the fault of one party........he may well have had the affair but that would have been sympomatic of something wrong in the first place and as he's been with the 'other women' for 9 years it obviously was not the typical sort of short term affair. If you do go and then your Mum should find out after the event she'll be even more hurt than she would be by you telling her that you have been invited and want to go.
2006-10-18 08:36:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, that's messed up! Tough call. I would say go to your dad's wedding, to support him. You may regret not going in the future. I think your mom would rather you or your brother tell her about the wedding, rather then finding out some other way. I would want it to come from a loved one, then hear someone talking about it at the store. I would ask her how she feels about you and the brother attending the wedding. She'll probably be pissed, but tell her he is your dad, after all, that means he is still family. You know she probably hates both of them, and is hurt by the situation, but...you throw something in here that will make her laugh or feel a bit better about the whole thing. Good luck!
2006-10-18 02:57:40 · answer #3 · answered by shondak 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its tough but he is still your Dad and your mum has to accept that he has moved on, after all it was 8 years ago. However, your Dad should not ask you to keep secrets, if he wants you to go then it should all be out in the open as your mum will think everyone is doing stuff behind her back and that will make her even more upset. Your mum does need to move on though, life its too short to be crying over a man.
2006-10-18 02:56:18 · answer #4 · answered by Annie M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should be up front with your mum. With everything that happened to her 8 years ago I'm sure she will be devastated if she found out you went to the wedding behind her back and she will feel let down again. At least by telling her you will feel more comfortable at the wedding. And given time and with your support, as by the looks of things you seem to love BOTH your parents, your mum will be able to look forward to better and brighter things to come. Just make her understand that this is a close of a chapter and the beginning of a new novel!
Good luck!
2006-10-18 02:47:56 · answer #5 · answered by missyani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you should go - you only have one father and he would obviously love you to be there. In an ideal world your parents would still be together and in love - but sadly it's not an ideal world so you have to do the best with the situation.
I would think about what happens when your Mum finds out though - as she surely will. If I was you I would write her a letter telling her all the reasons why you are going and the reasons why you are not telling her, date it and seal it and keep it in a safe place. When she finds out about your Dad's wedding you can give her this letter and it will explain your feelings.
It's a pity your Mum still feels bad about your Dad. But go along and have a good time with your Dad. Best wishes to you
2006-10-18 02:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by NORSE-MAN 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to go you should. Your dad divorced your mother, not you and you should always be a part of his life. I know it hurts your mother but she needs to understand that he is still your father. If you don't go to the wedding, you will probably regret it later and it might cause problems in your relationship with your father in the future.
It hurts your mum to know that he is getting married again but it would hurt her even more when she finds out that you knew about it and you didn't tell her. She will find out eventually and it's better that she hears it from you (or your father) than from others.
Think about your future and do what you feel is right. Don't you want your dad to be around for your children in the future?
Do something nice for your mum, tell her you love her and that you are not chosing between her and your father. You need both parents in your life and I'm sure she will understand that and respect your wishes.
2006-10-18 02:51:17 · answer #7 · answered by IC 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Difficult one. I would think that your loyalties should lie with your mum, but the question is who would be more hurt? Your mum if you went or your dad if you didn't go?
Maybe you could make a compromise and tell your dad that because you don't want to hurt your mum that you will go and see them after the wedding in ther new home.
Think how you would feel in both of their places and then decide which is the best thing you woudl want.
Good luck whatever you do
2006-10-18 02:46:57 · answer #8 · answered by London Girl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
bare this in mind......your mum and dad are divorced now....she has to know sooner or later,and if she does not find out by you...someone else will tell her..they have been seperated for 8 years so it should have given her enough time to get over him...i know their divorce has only been for a year but life goes on...your dad cannot restrict his life because your mum does not like the idea of him being wth another woman...but that's how life is...and yes you must go to his wedding, your his child..tell her so she knows whats going on...if she found out that you went then this could cause alot of friction between you and her, she has to move on and get over him...tell her.... and tell your dad that you have to tell her...you are put in an awkward position here and it's not fair that you are being dragged into this situation...it's up to your mum to deal with this...she's no longer a part of his life any more and she has to get over him...your dad is starting a new life now
2006-10-18 02:56:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Umm do you realize you and your brother are wanting to go and support 'the other woman's' wedding day,that was a result of her wrongly coming into your parents marriage and causing your mother such pain and heartache? Do you think you and your brother should be helping this woman celebrate what she did to your mother, to your parents marriage, to your family unit?
You know that your mother will be hurt and upset, she has already been betrayed by your father and now her kids loyalty is with the other woman (her enemy) celebrating her joy and victory at the expense of her unhappiness.
Don't you think that's a little sick? I guess you need to ask yourself, who do you care about the most you mother or the other woman. I know how much I love my mother and could never do to her what you and your brother are planning to do. Just remember, your mother is there for you in your life forever, who knows how long this new marriage will last. I would be honest and tell your mother instead of helping your father to lie any further. Your father will understand when the new marriage goes bust but your mother won't forget if you lie to her and choose the other woman over her.
2006-10-18 23:47:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If u want ur dad to be happy , then go for him , And u should care for ur mom also bcoz he was sincere in her relationship so u should not tell her the truth also don't let her know that u went to ur dad's wedding . Atleast not now , tell her sometimes later atleast after she forget's everything from her past {the divorce} . Then even she will understand u and both ur dad n mom will be happy in their own life . But don't hurt ur mom because she needs you the most this time . STAND BY HER N LET HER COME OUT OF IT BCOZ SHE WAS INNOCENT N SHE LOVES N CARES FOR U A LOT .
2006-10-18 02:53:02 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋