Is he Racist? or is it Tragic?

Question

My boyfriend seems to love the south and has two tattoos that include the confedrate flag in them. I think he hates blacks, but he wont tell me what they have done to hurt him? I think something tragic has happened...When I try to talk to him about why, he gets a very distant look in his face..., we don't live in the south and I love him dearly but this part of him is about the only thing that concerns me. Any suggestions on getting what's bugging him about these people out of him. He told me once "I don't like it when they think they are better than me..." Im not sure what exactly else he said but it almost dismissed my concerns about it until I read that question with the Aussie, and the answerers who were really angry...P.S Im orginally from Texas and love the south too but I have black friends, and I want him to be ok with that, and to not mind meeting them if someday I have one that is a true true friend.

Whatever has happened to him has happened in the past year, this is VERY recent...and no his parents arent racist but he was living with these people who were very immature and racist...maybe he will grow out of it....(added based on answers)...I have an open mind, my parents are a little racist...I am not at all racist

Answer 1

I don't agree that the Confederate Flag is a racial matter per se.

It may mean that to many who see it, and it may mean that to many who display it, but it is an inanimate object, a symbol, and has no specific meaning of its own. Look at "pirate" flags, which are common enough on small private sailboats. What does it mean to the owner? What's he trying to say? You don't know.

The historical fact is that the Civil War was not about Slavery. At the time of the Secession, the South was permitted to recognize Slavery, and there was no serious attempt on the horizon expected to outlaw it. Many of the slaves entering the US were coming in through ports in the North, including New York. The Amistad decision took place in Connecticut. Dred Scott versus Sanford had the opportunity to overturn slavery once and for all, and the USSC didn't do that.

The Civil War was caused by the South seceding from the Union, and the refusal of the North to accept the secession. The South seceded mostly over unfair tariffs. Slavery was an afterthought of the North. Southerners do not necessarily display the Confederate flag with any intended reference to blacks and/or slavery at all.

One who displays a Confederate Flag may merely intend pride merely in their geographic heritage, or intend to show agreement for the concept of "States' Rights" including the ability to secede.

So the bottom line is, you're presuming you know what it means to your boyfriend. Why don't you simply ask him what statement he is trying to make by wearing it?

Answer 2

I suspect he has a deep racism and you won't be able to change that. The kind of person who has that kind of racism usually has a great capacity for hate, anger, and violence. I'd say spend some time really thinking about what is valuable to you in a relationship - or even get one of your girlfriends and have a long heart to heart.

I would like, however, to say something about the confederate flag that other people have been unfair about. Unfortunately, the confederate flag is something that is used by some racists, yes. But not everyone who displays it is racist. There are a very large number of southerners who fly the flag because it symbolizes a history of what was once almost another nation.

I'm by no means racist. If you knew my dating history you'd have no problem understanding that. However, I have family members who died fighting for the south and though I don't fly the flag, I do find pride in it because it symbolizes the cause that my ancestors were fighting for. That cause was *not* slavery. It was the rights of the states. At the time, the federal government was overstepping its constitutional powers and dictating things that should have been up to states. They tried defending their rights diplomatically, failed, then had to fight the war, and failed again. Since the north won, they have dictated how the story is told but as I think everyone here knows, there are two sides to every story.

Did you know there were many free blacks and native americans who fought for the south - willingly and by their own choice? they were certainly not fighting for slavery. They were fighting for a country that continued to be run the way our forefathers intended. Did you also know that the wealthy plantation owners in the north had as many or more slaves than the southerns had? Did you know that there were also many slaveholders who were black themselves?

Robert E. Lee said that if the war were over slavery he would not fight in it. The Cherokee people fought alongside the southerners because the north was violating their treaties, while southerners were sympathetic and honored the agreements made in those treaties.

It is a tragedy that people have tied the flag to their racist beliefs and actions. I don't agree that anyone should have ever held slaves, but southerners only held half of them. I do, however, believe of the decentralized government that was intended by our founding fathers.

I abhor racism. I have fought in DC for minority rights. I have volunteered with the ACLU and the NAACP. But I won't dishonor those who died fighting for their country in any way, and that flag is the symbol of their sacrifice.

Answer 3

He is a racist. Can't blame it on something happening in his youth--he's an adult now and makes his own decisions. Possibly, his parents also felt this way. Hatred is not genetic--it's learned behavior.

You should find another boyfriend. Confederate flags are the ULTIMATE racial f-you.

Answer 4

Sounds as though it's a bit of both.

I hope your boyfriend gets the opportunity to work through the issues he experienced and come out of it. Going through life disliking a group of people like this is unhealthy.

Answer 5

He is a racist. Ask him what he thinks about jews or muslims. Do you want to live with a racist for the rest of your life? No you do not. Dump him like trash because thats what he is.

Answer 6

You have to guide him through it, introduce him gradually to your black friend ...ease him in. Gradually he will let you know what bothers him about blacks or latinos. let him know that he gets to live a fuller life when he is free of prejudices..take an opportunity to travel, expand his world view. Granted some black people treat other people bad, but so is every race, he might have met a bad nut,....Overall let him know that he becomes whole , when he talks about it and makes an effort to get over ...I know its easier said than done but it can be done. Step one: introduce him to your friends...and gradually ease him toward a gaining a tenderness....that is how you can affirm your love for him...

Answer 7

All the signs are there. If a person wears all the signs of which reflexs racism, you might want to EDUCATE your boyfriend and the signs and values of them. I have a few friends which thinks the signs are cool, but have no clue what they really represents.

Some people NEED to be told !!!

Answer 8

sounds like your boyfriend is a racist ****! i can't believe people like him still exist in this modern day and age, its all very well to love where you come from but all the black people come from there as well.

as for saying "I don't like it when they think they are better than me" its probably because they are better than him because he is a stupid redneck and they are normal people.

Dump the hick with a small prick and date the black dudes, i hear they're huge....