Should someone writing mid-term exams be expected to help with a shower?

Question

My wife went back to school this year. She made it clear well in advance that the second week of October was a terrible week for her, as she was writing mid-terms. She really does have a busy day; when she's not at school, she cares for our son while I'm at work, and somewhere in there, she studies. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law were determined that last Saturday would be the day for a baby shower, even though the baby isn't due until December. They rented a big hall, invited lots of people, so there was lots of work to be done. My wife had no say. She suggested they put it off a week so she could help, but they insisted it would be that week.

The problem is, my mother-in-law kept pressuring her to help out with the baby shower. My wife respectfully declined. Now my mother-in-law, along with others who helped out with the party, are resentful that my wife did not help.

Did my wife have a moral obligation to help out, or are my in-laws being unreasonable?

While I would have loved to help with the shower myself, do bear in mind that after I got home from my 8 hour shift, I was doing double duties in housework, meal preperation and childcare to give my wife some extra needed study time.

For those of you who suggested moving; I would think that moving would be more disruptive to my wife's education than the inlaws are. Besides; they'd probably just follow us like last time.

Answer 1

School takes priority over a baby shower!!! They knew she had mid-terms and they should accept that she has to study. Your in-laws are selfish jerks. The shower should have been postponed till November if they expected her assistance. Your wife needs to stand up for herself and let them know what her life is like and tell them the baby shower is 22 on a list of 25 things. The in-laws wanted it let them do it their damn selves.

Answer 2

Eat a good, but lite snack, a nice banana would do. Take a vitamin pill. Have a small glass of OJ for the electrolytes and stuff. Lose the TV, game boy, x box, whatever. Put a nice CD on, no words, just music. Keep the sound down. Take a 40 minute nap. When you wake up, you'll be ready to kick chickens! And, oh yeah, say buh-by to the Net, and even (gasp!) Yahoo answers for a while.... AFTER you have studied, then you'll have something to look forward to. Study for an hour or so, and then get up and do some quick simple calesthenics, or take a jog around the block, or something. Your break should be no more than 10 or 15 minutes. And then back to work. Remember, lots depends on this, and you CAN do it. I ought to know, I got through it years ago. The Force is with you, young Skywalker!

Answer 3

From your description, it sounds like the in-laws are being unreasonable. Your wife told them how busy the month of October is for her and she gave an alternative day/time that would be less stressful and she is willing to help at that time.

Isn't it strange/funny that people don't listen? Then, when the time comes for help, they are upset that it doesn't come their way?

I hope things work out for you and your wife. Hopefully, the hurt feelings will fade away when the shower is over. This is supposed to be a happy and fun time. Again, hopefully, it will be that way in a little while.

Congratulations to you all, by the way!

Answer 4

I think all those stupid "showers" are ridiculous and unnecessary. It's just asking for gifts! In your case, neither of you should give a hoot about what the inlaws feel! They'll get over it, or they're not worth worrying about. After all....it was THEY who planned the party....they just wanted help doing what would be a big show for THEM.

I would 2nd the suggestion of one above who suggested that you two should move considerably further away from those meddling inlaws!

Answer 5

As long as your wife was straight with them from the beginning, she has no obligation to help out. If they decided to ignore her requests and schedule, it isn't her problem but theirs.

Now, if she wasn't clear about it (although it sounds like from your story that she was and it would be obvious to anyone who knew her that she is really super-busy) then I would say they could be resentful and she should just apologize.

Regardless, I don't think she should help. Family and school are the most important things and she needs to focus on them.

Answer 6

I study and let everyone know well in advance which weeks I will be extra-busy. If they want to be that butt-hurt about it, too bad. I can't respect people that pull guilt-trips. Your wife's grades count and this is very important to her. Tell her I said so! :) The rest of the family will get over it. Later on she can take them out for a lunch.

Answer 7

Her only obligation is to her kids they can not do for themselves. The "in-laws" can do for themselves and should have planned a party that they could accommodate or plan on hiring outside help. . They could afford to rent a hall for a baby shower . . they can hire out what they can't do.

Answer 8

It sounds like that damn baby shower has caused a lot of problems for you and your wife.
Perhaps you should move a little farther away from her petty family so they don't expect her to drop everything to make them happy.

Answer 9

They are acting terribly in their disregard for your wife and they owe her an apology! They must be very un-educated themselves not to understand your wife's dilemma. I do hope it all works out well for her, both in exams and with the family.

Answer 10

Why don't you help instead.

This is one of those things wives eventually grip about.

You aint' doing mid-terms so be a stand-in.

And make it clear to them SCHOOLS PUT YOU ON ACADEMIC PROBATION if you don't make the grade and that's a stigma, but all employers will see it on your transcripts!