STUCK! I am in a relationship which I have tried to end 2x, but every time I do, she guilts me into staying! I care about her and love her very much, but I am not "in love" with her. She always promises to change, and sometimes does, but only for a very short while. I know deep inside that shes not right for me, but how can I give up on her when it seems I am all she really has???
2006-10-18 02:01:49 · 18 answers · asked by Falling to pieces 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
In this case you really need to start thinking about your own well being. Guilt is the worst reason to stay with anyone. It sucks the love right out of a relationship. But you already know this and are feeling this "deep inside" when you say she is not right for you. This whole relationship is just too one sided.
The thing is you haven't given up on her. Rather she has given up on herself. She has saddled all of her emotional needs onto you and in the process your feelings are being suffocated. People don't change the course of their behavior unless they really want to change. And she is not going to change because you keep caving into her. You can't keep letting her control you like this. No doubt you do care about her. But it is like caring about a wounded animal. You feel sorry for her but you are not "in love" with her.You can't love someone that you take pity on. She has got to find some other meaning in her life without you being the main focusing point in her life. You are already starting to resent this situation and it will get to the point where you will end up disliking her. You've tried it before so you know you need to put some distance between you both. You just need to have some courage and strength to do this. She needs to find a life of her own without clinging on to you.
2006-10-18 02:56:11 · answer #1 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She needs to realize that if you are not giving her 100% than you are not the person for her. You really aren't doing her or yourself any favors by staying in this sort of relationship. ... I have been in a relationship where the guy promised to change(he was a drinker), he would stop for a while, but he always started again. I love him, but we are no longer together.
If you are unhappy, the best thing is to leave. No matter how hard it is on her. You can still be a friend and support for her, but try to cut the boyfriend ties. I can't really offer any advice on how to do this. When I broke it off with my BF, I told him goodbye and left. Sometimes you have to do what seems to be the selfish thing, but in the long run it is what is best for the two of you.
Be Strong. Be happy. Good Luck.
2006-10-18 02:11:08 · answer #2 · answered by Why do you ask? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation really sucks! But I think above all you should think about your own person. If you continue with this relationship you' ll be the one which suffers most, not her. As hard as it may sound (after all that you wrote) you should talk to her, explain her the situation, and just brake any contact until everything comes back to normal. Don't listen to her when she 'guilts you into staying', that's a trick (and it always works). Maybe that way she'll accept the situation. I know it's hard, but you've gotta do it. If your heart tells you that something isn't like it should be.., than you don't have anything left to do than change what's bad. That way you'll find your inner peace. Who knows? Maybe you'll still remain good friends, after all that you share together.Hope you'll find my advice useful!;)))
P.S.: I think I have used the wrong tenses but I hope you'll understand what I meant.
2006-10-18 02:23:58 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her go, never stay out of guilt. People always promise they will change to keep someone. If you are not "in" love with her and u know she isn't right u know that sometime down the road u will leave. She is going to hurt no matter what, but it is only going to raise her hopes the longer u stay and the more u keep going back. I know it's hard to see someone hurting, but she will get over it eventually. You are hurting her more by staying believe me.
2006-10-18 02:08:42 · answer #4 · answered by Amber 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to relationships, you need to do what's right for you. If you're not happy, then it's best to fix the problem (that doesn't appear to be working) or let go of the relationship. By the way, if she really doesn't want to change, she isn't going to. But something tells me you already know that. There is no reason to prolong the inevitable and end things. It won't be easy, but its not fair to either of you. Stick with it this time. Cuz every time you go back, you're giving her false hope. She'll be hurt and there's nothing you can do about that. She'll be fine.
2006-10-18 02:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by T.G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are being too nice. If she is not mature enough to handle you’re not meant for each other it is not your fault. Don't stay it will only get worse and make you feel worse. You can't save her from her self. If you are that worried about her ask a friend of hers to be there when you tell her. That way you know she is not alone and you won't feel so guilty. I would wait a few weeks before having any contact with her afterwards. It would be best though to just make a clean break.
2006-10-18 02:12:10 · answer #6 · answered by lynx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to realise that staying with a girl simply out of sympathy is worse than abandoning her. It will hurt her but she will have to move on. Pretending you love her will keep her satisfied for the time being but what about you? The base concept of a relationship is about both members to be happy. Are you happy?
2006-10-18 02:07:52 · answer #7 · answered by manosfantasyart 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you know deep down that it isn't going to work then you need to let go, I know you worry about you being all she has but people are a lot stronger than they give themselves credit for. Be strong because in the end, you need to make yourself happy before you can make anyone else happy. Good Luck.
2006-10-18 02:06:27 · answer #8 · answered by sweetpea22306 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good relationship has two people in it who want to be in it. If one person doesn't, the humane thing to do is tell her you are done, and move on. It will hurt both of you for a while but it's the best thing to do in the long run!
2006-10-18 02:04:58 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-12-04 23:10:53 · answer #10 · answered by wengreen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋