My niece was taken by Child Protective when she was a year old from my brother and his girlfriend (neglect, alcoholism, drug use). She has lived with me full-time until recently. My brother has gotten his act together, gotten married (not the bio mom - she is out of the picture), is employed full-time, etc. We worked out a plan to transition her back to him, and it seemed ok. I want visitation twice a month, he says once. Last weekend I had her. After returning her to my brother, she cried for me from 3 pm -7:30 pm. They called me and it broke my heart to hear her crying for me. They also punished her (time out) for "throwing a tantrum". I think if she is having this hard a time separating from me she needs to see me more, not less. I also think they need to be more loving while she is adjusting. How can I make him see this? They said they will get her a counselor (they seem reluctant and I am afraid they will change their minds) but the appt. is not for 2 more months.
2006-10-18 01:28:55 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Your brother has gotten his act together, but he's not ready to take it on the road yet.
He views this little precious baby as a possession and a responsibility instead of as a little girl. Why does he not want her to have all the love she can get, including from you, and why is he not grateful to you for what you've done for him and his daughter?
He's the one who needs counseling; her behavior is natural and normal! I suggest that you spend some time with HIM to help him get himself to a more generous and loving place so that he can help his little daughter become more happy, or he will create an unhappy person just like her mother.
You will always be her mommy-aunt; she will never fully transition from you because she learned to love you as a little baby. She shouldn't be expected to give you up at all, and he should respect that loving relationship. Talk to him. Make it easier on all of you by not asking this little sweetheart to throw away her love for you.
Good luck!
2006-10-18 01:37:53 · answer #1 · answered by nora22000 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would think it's time to revisit the plan as the original needs some reworking. You've been such a wonderfully strong influence on your niece providing not only to her physical necessities but her emotional ones as well fostering security. That's suddenly been taken away from her and I would suspect that even though she has been told what's happening it's not comprehensible from her point of view. To punish her for being upset is wrong - as much time as necessary should be taken to work towards a lasting acceptance.
You are a very important part of her life and your brother should recognize this - you said he's turned things around though is it perhaps superficial? If you were my sister & had done such a magnificent job in taking care of my daughter I wouldn't be trying to cut you out of my daughter's life as I'd want you in mine as well.
The primary concern is for the child and it sounds like your brother & his new wife want an instant family without working for it - you need lots of time, patience and understanding - a child is a gift not a catalogue selection or a bargaining chip.
Try talking to your brother about your concerns - it seems like you are the only one who's still looking out for her.
2006-10-18 08:51:26 · answer #2 · answered by Miranda 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry to hear the situation had happened in the first place. But also glad to hear your brother has cleaned up his act. Change comes hard to children at any age. Be mindful of this fact, and try hard not to "force" her into more, rather try to go at an easier pace, that she can adapt slowly rather than expecting it's going to be fine in her eyes all the time, especially in the beginning. Keep in mind, she has to "get to know" her dad all over again. Not to mention that she still may have some memories that date back to his earlier days which you may never be aware of. Keep a set schedule... These are the hours she is spending with her father. This is the time she can expect to go there, and this is the time that she will return to (where?). This way she will learn to anticipate the change in parenting. And try not to deviate from it, if at all possible. As she adjusts to this arrangement, she may be more comfortable with spending more time with him, but after being away for so long, that transition will take time, and a great deal of effort on his part as well. Good luck to you all!
I'm sorry - I thought you had written that you thought she needed to see HIM more. OK - a similar rule might apply. I might recommend a regular visit in their home by you. Rather than have her at your place, you could visit for dinner one night a week? This allows you to maintain the bond that you share with her, and gives her that time to look forward to.
2006-10-18 08:42:59 · answer #3 · answered by loving father 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes they should be letting you see her more and easing into the transition. Matter of fact they should of have visitation. Pulling a child out of any home at that age unless it is for their own personal safety I believe is selfish beyond imagination.
It does not sound like a plan to transition her back to him it sounds like everything went to him and you get visitations. Though without getting the courts involved I do not think that there is much you can do except pray.
When you are with the little girl let her know that you do love her, ask if you can call her, ask if they want to go out could you have her that Friday night. What newly married couple would not like a Friday night to go out with each other?
Best of Luck and God Bless
2006-10-18 08:41:50 · answer #4 · answered by freemansfox 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you still havecustody. because thisdoes not seem right. You should have her half of the time , not just once a month. Go back to court orcps and fight for her.
2006-10-18 08:37:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
they should have done it the other way let him see her at your place see if child protective serv will do that so she can adjust more slowly to dad and good luck :-)
2006-10-18 10:02:24 · answer #6 · answered by *Pooka* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋