My husband is a great father, dont get me wrong, but it seems like when either of our children need anything, ex:bath, washed up from snack, bed time That he always find something to be busy with, and or tells them to come to me. I wouldnt really give it up either, because i love the extra time with them, but when i ask him, he says its because i am better then him. I am wondering, is this so, have i ever said this to him before during an agruement. Or is this is way of coping out on his duties.
2006-10-18 01:22:38 · 12 answers · asked by littledsboo 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Many times I have dealt with the same situation... what happens is that there is a slight fear of not getting the job done thoroughly enough. Maybe he doesn't know how to be empathetic with the children... I don't think that he should leave all of the responsibilities to you so it would be wise for you to discuss with him how burdened you feel. It wouldn't be best to argue about it just say, "I feel like you aren't there when I need you to be. You make me feel like you aren't as interested in sharing the responsibility in caring for the kids...that hurts."
This way you talk about how his actions make you feel instead of just criticizing him.
2006-10-18 01:30:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like my husband. I do all the work. He asks "Why are you trying to wash dishes and give baths at the same time?" We have 4 kids 9, 7, and 4 yr old twins. I bathe the twins then let them play in the tub then I start on the dinner dishes. I tell him if I didn;t do 2 or 3 things at the same time I would never get it done. Where is he while I help with homework, give baths clean up, cook dinner etc etc etc? In front of the TV or computer. If I ask him for help he gets mad and one of the children end up crying. I would rather help the kids with homework and cook dinner at the same time because hubby ALWAYS makes the kids cry.
Then he yells and screams at the kids for not helping me enough.
The kids see this. They are smart and knows what is going on. When they are grown they will remember who spent quality time with them. Hubby says he's glad that the kids will move out and never visit him when they are grown.
2006-10-18 07:04:16 · answer #2 · answered by cranky_gut 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband actually admitted this to me. They don't do these things to make us feel good while getting out of the responsiblity. He was away for the first four months when my son was born. After he came home he tried to cop out by saying he couldn't do it and I was much better. It's not true. He told me it was just a nice way to say I don't want to do it. After a while I got tired of doing all the baths, getting all the bottles, feeding all the food, and changing all the diapers. I sat him down on a Saturday and told him I'd like him to watch me that day. When the baby soild his diaper I would tell him to come watch. When I gave the baby a bath I'd make him watch. I'd explain all the things "I was better then him at" step by step. Showing him the tricks I'd learned so he could do it at the same level as me. The next day I made him do everything while I watched him. (He got pretty mad--but I told him I just wanted to boost his confidence so he could know he's just as good as me) After that day we decided how we were going to split up responsiblities. He'd give baths. I'd feed before bathtime. That's our deal. While it's not a whole lot of time--and he has his own way which I hate--it works for us. Best of luck!
2006-10-18 02:19:10 · answer #3 · answered by .vato. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, it doesn't have anything to do with parenting - when you hear "because you're better at it" it's always laziness talking.
It can be difficult, but try to make him do those things - even if he doesn't like it in the beginning, he will be grateful later, because he will feel more valuable as a father and he will discover that spending time with his kids is nice, even if it's just doing some duties like washing them etc.
2006-10-18 01:26:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know you or your husband or you situation but i do know from past experiences I know that its a cope out. My husband tells me that when he just knows that he can get out of the job. You just say ever so nicely its all the same as long as we are spending time with them. That should stop that.
2006-10-18 02:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by baiyinae 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a 9 month old son and my husband does the same thing, and for the life of me I can't figure out why. I explained to my husband that our son loves spending time with him and that he will miss out late on doing these thing i.e. bathing and putting to bed and everything. I would explain to your husband that they only stay little for a little while and that he doesn't want to miss out. Good Luck.
2006-10-18 02:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by sweetpea22306 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's laziness and nostalgia. He enjoyed getting 'loved' by his mommy, and he wants to provide the same for his kids.
Men have razor burn and bigger, rougher hands. They do get a little self-conscious about that. Kids love being loved by either parent, so he doesn't have to worry about it at all.
Trade. Let him give you extra massages, and he can do all the vacuuming and mopping in the house to make up for it. But then, that'll give you more time for sex, and there'll be more kids soon . . .
2006-10-18 01:30:24 · answer #7 · answered by nora22000 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh gosh that is the same thing my hubby says to me regarding the house work (dishes, laundry, etc)!!!!!!! Even though I AM better at these things and they come out better than when he does him, I still think it's a big ol excuse. He COULD do better and help out, but he chooses not too - why? LAZINESS!!!!
2006-10-18 03:14:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
YEs your better at meeting their needs then he is... so he will not have to get up and do it. Remind him although you love him and know hes a good parent you too... need a chance to finish small tasks sometimes. Remind him he CAN be an active parent a times.
2006-10-18 01:27:45 · answer #9 · answered by erinjl123456 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's just being a typical dad. No worries. Doesn't hurt to ask him to help out a bit though
2006-10-18 01:28:15 · answer #10 · answered by auld mom 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋