My husband wants a vasectomy but I don't want him to.?

Question

We have 3 children, our youngest is four months old. My husband now wants to have a vasectomy but I want another baby. Does he have the right to go ahead with it, don't I get a say?

Answer 1

Why do you want another baby? You really need to talk more about this, perhaps in a few months when emotions aren't so high. I can understand his point of view. Babies are a lot of work, and you've already got three. Perhaps you should really try to see it from his point of view and weigh it against your desire to have another. Is it only about numbers? Are you missing something? As for the right to his body, that's his decision, just as it would be yours if it was your body. I would evaluate further the impact of having a child.... after all having a husband is also important.

Answer 2

At the end of the day it is his right to chose - however, I think you really need to talk the issue of children through more carefully - if you really want another baby, for whatever reason, and he doesnt, with or without the vasectomy its going to be a big problem. Even if he doesnt go ahead and have the operation, if he doesnt want more kids, still having the ability to produce them isnt going to change his mind.

And I guess as you ask, do you have say in what he does is answered by the question, does he get a say in what you do? i.e. if you want another baby, even though he doesnt and you get pregnant - does he have a say in that?

You really have to work out the issue of having more children, the vasectomy is secondary to this.

Good Luck

Answer 3

I know that everyone on here is telling you that you get a say, but in the end, you should support his decision. If he truly feels very strongly about it, you shouldn't try to convince him not to. If my husband tried to coax me into having another baby when I had made it clear that I really didn't want to, I would feel very disrespected (especially if we already had three!).
Babies ideally should be made by two people that really want it, not one who wants it and one who agrees to shut the other one up. That's just not a good start to a healthy parent/child relationship, and may come between you and your husband, too.
Let him get the vasectomy. It might even be really good for your sex life, as he'll be more relaxed. Best of all, if he has your support, I'm sure he'd be happy to agree to store some sperm beforehand...and then you'll always have the option of having another child, should he ever reconsider.

This is the only way that everyone gets respected and everyone wins.

Answer 4

It depends on your doctor. Ours wanted to see us both together before he would allow my husband to have a vasectomy. I also have three children, and wanted more, but I realised I'd have to stop sooner or later. I thought about my age, money and the amount of quality time i could give the three children I already had. Based on that I decided to call it a day......BUT he has agreed, should we ever win the lottery, he will have a reversal...lol....Also we discussed fostering when our three are a bit older...All said and done, my heart yearns for another baby, but my brain rules, it was and is really hard to accept I'll never have another one.....Sit him down and tell him how you feel, promise you won't get pregnant without his permission if he promises to not be closed to the idea in a couple of years time?....Hope it all works out for you!!

Answer 5

Your husband can have it done. He has the same rights as a woman in this matter. Maybe you can talk to him about a long term birth control for your self and then at the end consider having the vasectomy if you he still feels the same way. They have the IUD and there are implants.
Good Luck

Answer 6

I think you should definitely have a choice in this matter.

When i wanted a Sterilisation i was asked time n time again if my husband agreed to it. At the time he was sure - but now he he says he wish he hadn't made the decision he did., as he would have liked to have a boy. I had 2 miscarriages and 3 beautiful daughter youngest is now nearly 16. As Ive told him since there would have been no way id have had another child - just to try and get a boy.

Answer 7

Hi there, unfortunately you don t get any say as its his body but surely if u tell him you aren't ready for him to go ahead with this as yet as although you don't want a baby now in the future it would be nice to have the option. i have one baby and want at least one more if not two, I know as soon as i have had my next my husband will do the same and the thought terrifies me. On the upside of it all if your husband ever leaves u or viceversa he cant have kids with anyone else. But you do need to discuss with him how you feel as although its his body he should respect that you aren't ready to take a big step like this yet. Good Luck

Answer 8

if it was the other way around would you be asking? i think that women have become so used to being in control of when they decide to have a child because we have lots of contraceptive options that we can take without discussing it, that when a man wants to stop having children and is being much more responsible than most men, it's a big issue.

i think on a personal level you need to decide when you have had enough children, maybe he is worried about providing for any more children....on the other hand would you want another baby more than the relationship? these are examples of the questions you need to discuss and you need to agree on them and think about whats best for all concerned.

i know the urge to have another child as i have one of 6 months but i wouldn't force anyone i loved into such a huge descision.

Answer 9

Dido, I only have two and don't like to think I will not have any more. But I have to say that I see his point of view and I would never want a baby without him wanting it too. I have suggested my husband waits a while as a compromise and will see if he feels the same a year down the line.

Answer 10

Before a married man has a vasectomy, the Doctor talks to both the married couple. Just the husband alone won't do. So if you really don't want him to, he can't without you. You don't want him to have one, yet he doesn't want any more children. You both have some serious talking to do.