Taking a break in a relationship..?

Question

Does it really help things?
Me and my fiance have been together for nealy 4 yrs and we have a beautiful baby girl.
We have been through a lot since we had the baby. I had post natal depression, things like that.
Now our sex life is totally gone. We argue constantly. Sometimes I feel like i just need a break from us.
He thinks if we take a break then it will ruin us.
I dont i want to go and find another man or anything, just time to be with me and my child.

We have been speaking about it today, and i think hes starting to agree. But now because he is starting to agree, im feeling really emmotional :o(

I think taking a break will help us not to take each other for granted?

Help please xx

Oh definately, our child comes first, we know that.

Shes too little to understand just now anyway.

Okay. He is at work but we were talking on the phone there, he said over the past while he's been getting fed up of all the arguin etc. We were talking of taking a break and we are both crying our eyes our whentalking about it.

I think it may be a sign that we are ment to be together. i'll wait til hes home and we can have another talk

Thanks for all the answers. We sat and spoke for ages last night, and have decided we are gonna try and work at things. Our daughter is staying at her grans on friday so we are gonna go out afor a meal, movies etc. Have a better quieter talk..

Can I jusy say, Gypsy, you mentioned...

''Of course it won't help things, once you split it must be final. You can only move forward not backwards. If you are considering a split then I am afraid you do not truly love each other, it's better to end this now while your little girl is still a baby. Best wishes. ''

This is total crap. we love each other very very much, I know loads of people who have took breaks. His parents took a few breaks when they were younger, and they have been together for 30yrs. So it is not always the case.

Answer 1

Yes I do believe in some relationships taking a break does help. It can help strengthen a relationship.

My personal opinion is maybe it is best for the two of you to take a break. Whatever is going on the two of you aren't connecting at this time.

Will it ruin what you have? Not necessarily. If you love one another and want a relationship to succeed sometimes you have to do things that may seem bad for a relationship. Sometimes stepping back and giving space to one another can help immensely. Of course sometimes it makes one of you realize that maybe it's just not what you want.

The getting emotional part is just being scared. Scared that while it was something you think is good, is scared of what may happen. It's completely normal. We can't control what will happen in the future. But would you rather continue in a relationship that has become unhealthy or would you like to try and make it healthy again? If you two are meant to spend the rest of your lives together it will happen, don't worry about what you can't control, it's going to happen regardless.

Staying together for the sake of a child, could be more detrimental because children are very resiliant and can sense when something is amist with their parents

. I'm not against relationships. I just think that if your having thoughts of taking a break, then maybe you should go with your gut feelings.

Please don't believe those that say if you take a break that he won't come back, the relationship is down the tubes. That isn't necessarily always say. I've had many friends who have taken breaks from their gf/bf it may have been a month to 6 months and then went back and tried again and the relationship is at it's best because they took the time to find themselves.

My only other suggestion is if your having doubts of not taking a break now, then maybe seeking couples counseling will help. You can get this through a church or a doctor. And it's not as expensive as you think. You just have to call around and find the resources.

I agree that taking a break will help you both not to take one another for granted. It may very well help you see what you have with him and him you. Be strong and keep your head up.

Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It really does depend on the situation. Breaks can be a good or a bad thing depending on the state of your relationship and the feelings you have for each other.

It sounds to me like you have been through a lot and a break is probably;y what you need. you both need to take a step back and assess whether your relationship problems come from the general life issues you've been having or whether your relationship problems are there anyway. A break will enable you to make this distinction. Some time apart will definitely make you realise your true feelings. You might miss each other terribly and want to get back together and this could do you both the world of good. Your relationship will feel new and refreshed. OR it could make you both realise you're actually OK on your own. In that case, some serious decisions will need to be made. this is a tough decision and it won't be easy but I do think it will be the best thing in your circumstances. My partner and were in a similar situation. We were constantly arguing and our relationship felt like a battle. So we had a break. Even though I was angry at him my feeling for him never went away. I Missed him terribly and that time apart made me realise just how much he meant to me. That was 4 years ago now and we bought our first house last January. I wish you and your partner the best of luck and I hope this works out for you one way or another.

Answer 4

Shutting him out is not gonna help either you or your relationship. You sound as if you are still a bit depressed which will kill your sex drive if the tiredness from caring for a baby hasn't already. Talk to you GP or health visitor again. Is there anyone who could have your baby for a couple of days so you could maybe go away or just stay home and enjoy each others company? You need a rest and a bit of your own identity back- you are more than just 'mummy' and it's easy to forget that. Don't give up on your relationship just yet, if you can get through all the other stuff, then you may well survive this and be stronger at the end of it. Good luck.

Answer 5

I think it will harm your relationship beyond repair. If you can't stay together because you have nothing in your relationship right now, what is going to change? So you split up for a time, then because you miss each other you get back together. You go back to the same relationship without working on it and you end up exactly where you are now. Are you going to take another break? That is not providing the safe stable atmosphere your child needs and deserves. You need to take a long hard look at what you mean to each other right now and either make a commitment to work together to make it better or walk away. Good luck, I hope it works out the best for all of you.

Answer 6

Instead of breaking up, why don't you do something pro-active like getting counselling and help?
You don't mention what you're arguing about. Is it something important or just the little niggling bits of life that get in the way? Do you love him?
Your little girl needs a mum and a dad. If you could work together to achieve this, you're doing the absolute best for your child. Single parenting is so much harder than having a person by your side who cares for your child as much as you do. (I know - been there!)
You don't have to argue - you can both learn how to overcome your disagreements and how you see each other. Every relationship has low points and high points. But sometimes we just need to work it out. All the best.

Answer 7

I do think that a break does ruin relationships. Maybe you should just sit down and talk how you can improve your situation and now how you will end it. My boyfriend and his ex had taken a break. It was then then I met him and he never turned back. If you want to keep your man, don't take breaks. Just talk honestly about what bothers you in your relationship but also talk with him about what you love of your relationship. Tell him openly the reason why you fell for him 4 years ago and why you loved him all this time. It will give him the incentive to try to arrange things between you two. And above all, remember that you have a child. Good luck.

Answer 8

Can you go and stay with a relative for a week to think or could you go on a little trip with some relatives?Just a little breather not a break up sounds like what you need.Dont throw the relationship away ,dont breakup just tell him you need a little space.Is there anyone who can watch your baby sometimes so you can go out alone?I dont mean to the club I just mean the mall or the library or maybe take a art class or learn to play poker or something just for you.Having a baby and dealing with postpartum depression can be so draining I really hope you have a support system.best wishes,

Answer 9

truthfully i think taking a break is wrong, every relationship has its ups and downs, especially plenty of arguements, its horrible i know, you end up argueing so much that its over stupid little things that aint even worth arguing about in the first place, i really belive that if u take a break, theres no chance of the relationship working further, ive been with someone for a very long time, and for the first year we never argued once and from that year on its nearly everyday that we argue, we almost took a break but after sitting down and talking about it, it will ruin the relationship, instead of drifting further together you end up drifting further apart, you get use to not seeing each other, i really dont think you should take a break, think about your beautiful daughter, do you really want to risk taking a break? i hope you make the right decision x

Answer 10

Of course it won't help things, once you split it must be final. You can only move forward not backwards. If you are considering a split then I am afraid you do not truly love each other, it's better to end this now while your little girl is still a baby. Best wishes.