How to tackle my son? He is not doing anything nor he is serious about his career. He is 23.He is introvert.?

Question

He is just sitting idle in the room watching tv all the time. Not trying to get settled in job or searching job. Any psychological ideas to make him active and on the job?

Answer 1

Others have pointed out that you're still taking care of your son as if he were not an adult... which is one obvious reason why he won't venture out of your house.

For parents (and moms in particular), it's difficult to change your strategy as your child grows up. The nurturing you lavished on your son when he was young was appropriate then; but now it is inappropriate and even harmful to him becoming a grown-up man.

He is five years past adulthood and officially a young adult; but you're still providing food and a roof over his head and giving him TV access, and no doubt probably some other things -- the situation is probably very much like what it was when he was a teenager.

There comes a time when every mother bird has to push her baby bird out of the nest, and that time is long past with your son.

There are at least two ways to go about it.

One is to have him find his own place to stay -- i.e., "kick him out." He'll become active when he realizes he has no choice but to sink or swim; or he will find someone else to take care of him so he can still pretend he's not an adult; but that's his choice to make. Your choice as his parent is to do what is best for your son in the long run, because you love him.

The other one is both easier (because he won't have to move and you will still see him every day) but harder (because you have to stick to the rules, and that might feel painful to you). If he's going to stay in your house, he needs to pay for his room and board as if it were an apartment; and he should also be responsible for some household chores.

This second option works for some families, but I'm hesitant in regards to your situation simply because it demands that you have to enforce the rules... but you might have some trouble sticking with it because you hate to upset your son.

In either case, though, your son needs to become self-sufficient and independent.

While doing this stuff might feel cruel to you, and while there's a good chance he will be angry with you and try to manipulate you back into taking care of him (either by yelling at you or by threatening to not see you), you need to think of the long-term needs of your son.

It's not in his best interests (as you can tell) to remain a child. He will be healthier and happier if he grows up and takes responsibility for himself.

Meanwhile, encourage him to pursue the things he's good at. keep an eye out for opportunities for him, but let him do the work of chasing them down.

Also, you don't mention his father; but I wonder if he has a positive male role model -- a man who is independent, mature, and responsible who can encourage him, challenge him, and set an example for him to follow.

He sounds as if he's just wandering right now, and isn't even sure how to be a man. More investment from either his father or another mature male won't hurt and will most likely help.

Finally, maybe part of him is lazy, but maybe part of him is scared. He needs to know it's okay to be scared and confused about what to do -- it's scary to become a self-sufficient adult when you don't yet know how to do it.

What you should encourage him to do is try anyway, accept that it won't be easy, and enjoy having the freedom and power to work towards the goals he values.

Answer 2

Take the TV away and tell him he's grounded until he finds a job. Start charging him rent and keep track of what he owes you for his support.
At 23 he should be working somewhere, anywhere, and if not paying rent, then at least supporting himself by getting his clothes, food and paying for his fun.
Or... kick him out. Make him realize that he's an adult and needs to start acting like one. As long as you let him lay around and support him, he's going to take advantage of it. Tell him he has 4 weeks to get it together or get out. The choice is his.
Yes, I've done this to my own kid and she got a job after three weeks and me constantly reminding her that time was running out. It's hard, but it also has to be done for some of them to wake up and smell the coffee.

Answer 3

You need the strength to kick him out. If he's going to school then great. Tell him to go to school or get out. He can take classes at a community college. The idea isn't to pick a career. The idea is to get exposed to different things. There are a lot of courses you can take at community colleges. He's got to be able to find one that interests him.

Answer 4

dont support him or give him money or food he will soon want to get a job i was the same till my dad told me to move out and fend for my self or get a job the job sounded easear wen he explaind all about gettin a house and nedin a car and all the bills i wiil have to pay

Answer 5

Hard, cut the lazy kid off. Are you still suporting him????What does that say about your parenting skills......listen, this kid will suffer the rest of his life and YOU will pay the price for it because he will always use you as a safety net.....I have Five kids.........all of them are (thank god)responsable for their own actions...make him pay for his lazieness.........

If I were you, I would take everythinkg you bought him away one day when he isn't home.....than tell this is just the begining....seperate the food in the refrigerator...tell him he has to buy his own food from now on....starve him into work.....

tell him to go to "KBR JOBS.com" they will hire just about any idiot to do labor work in Iraq for 85,000 a year tax free...........
Good Luck

Answer 6

hes somewhat like me, though im working i still stay addicted to the computer. he could be just simply addicted, as simple as that. have u tried a psychologist for more details? even if there is one in this forum now, he'd need to interact with ur child to find out more.

Answer 7

Tell him you will only love him if he works or chuck him out.