I have a male colleague who I fear is suffering from depression. He's a great, intelligent, funny and warm person generally but he can go into these dark moods from time to time and he's in a particularly bad one at the moment. Addictive sort of personality - one week it's all health foods, vitamins, juice, no tea, coffee etc and the next it's binge drinking, smoking not eating properly etc. Has started not coming into work - takes days off and just lies in bed. Doesn't do anything constructive with his time off although he's very capable. Started fitting a new bathroom in his house in April, got on well but never finished it off so he cant even take a shower. I've tried talking to him (we're very good friends) and offered to help him finish off tiling but he just gets in a mood and says he wants to be alone. Next thing he's complaining about being lonely.
Have any of you ever dealt with a similar situation and if so how?
2006-10-17 22:52:25 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
Kelly P has hit the nail on the head exactly, apart from the fact that I took him to the cinema last night and he left half way through. Said he couldn't stand being in the theatre with all the other people or 'rats' as he called them. The place was about quarter full.
2006-10-18 00:10:15 · update #1
I've suffered with depression for 12 years, it's a tough subject to tackle. It's great that you are standing by him and supporting him as most people ignore the situation.
It sounds like he's in a rut at the moment, doesn't want to take care of himself and just wants to hide under the blankets away from the outside world. Try and take him outside the house as much as possible- for a coffee, lunch or even take him to see a movie or something he likes doing. When you get in a rut you feel like no-one cares about you - so why should you care about anyone or anything around you. So you have to prove to him that you genuinely like him and care about what he does. My friends got me out of my depression by getting me to do a college course. It got me socialising with new people and really got my confidence back up and running. As for the bathroom, don't push the matter. It's not anger he's expressing when he gets in a mood, it's frustration and embarrassment because of the mess he's gotten himself into. Try to leave the subject alone for a while or he might start avoiding you to avoid the subject. BTW, the moment people stopped nagging me about cleaning the house and finishing off chores was the moment I started doing them. I know it's not very much but I hope this helps a little
2006-10-17 23:45:33 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There has been a lot of talk about manic depression/bipolar. It is only this if your friend goes from very high elated moods to low depressed ones. I would suggest if he was manic the bathroom would have been finished when he was high and had tons of energy.
It is more likely depression. Pills are good for this but so is talking. Professional counselling is best but anything is better than nothing. Good information on mental health is availiable at www.mind.org
Also booze is a depressant so it will make him more depressed. If you work for a big company you may have a good occupational health department that may be able to help. If not see your own doctor, he should be able to give you advice or contact numbers for local help groups.
2006-10-18 02:14:55 · answer #2 · answered by Chaosspirit 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi - it definitely sounds like your friend has a form of depression. One of my mates had this, he started cutting himself and all sorts but hes come out the other side with a lot of love from his friends and family and help from a professional (psychiatrist).
I guess all you can do is be there for your friend, you sound like you care for him a lot which is great, even though he has these mood swings youve still stuck by him. Just help him when he needs help and let him know youre there for him and he may snap out of it (that seems a rather flippant phrase but I think its the best description).
If youre still worried about him in a months time or so, maybe gently tell him you think he needs professional help and youd be willing to go with him, that sort of thing.
Good luck and thumbs up to you for being such a lovely friend to this guy. Hugs, Bxx
PS Someone also said to help him finish his bathroom? This is a great idea, it may be a chance to either just be together working on a joint project and having a laugh, or you may find he opens up a bit more about his feelings....its funny how working together on something like that can get people wanting to talk, but its true! Manys a time Ive talked about my emotions while decorating or something...
2006-10-17 23:10:51 · answer #3 · answered by Secret Squirrel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds lie a bi - polar illness...Manic depression.
The persons mood swings from high to low.
Finishing the bathroom will have to wait...If your friend can't focus on the important things like his health he wont care that his bathroom needs tiled..It will appear like a monumentous job to him at the moment.
Does your work place have an occupational therapy department or HR?
If you suggest to your friend that he needs help..that you will go to the doctors with him...he may refuse this..
So the other option available to you is to speak to your boss or HR and tell them your fears.
His job is not in jeopardy, so hopefully that will put his mind at ease....that it is ok for him to be unwell...and equally ok that he gets the time off and gets the help.
The doctor may prescribe anti depressants to lift his mood to a more appropriate level before starting him on mood stabilisers.
They will keep his at the more appropriate level and you should see less mood swings to the severity that you describe.
I hope your friend accepts the help.
Good luck
2006-10-18 00:15:46 · answer #4 · answered by audrey_o 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I reckon it would help to see his bathroom finished. Give him a hand, its fantasticly satisfieing to actually finish a project and can be a lot of fun with company. I dont think this is the root of the problem but just being there helping might allow him to open up and see a more positive future. Oh and never take any anti-deppresants, from experience these will only lengthen the recovery or make it worse.
2006-10-17 23:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been in deep depression for the past 2 years, to the point i lost my job and everything that goes with being independent. my MD has me seeking help at the mental health center here now and after 2 weeks of meds i am somewhat improved; along with therapy. your friend is not going to snap out of it or fix his bathroom or anything else as long as he is in what you have descibed. he needs professional help as soon as possible in whatever way possible. he knows he is sick, too many times people fail to realize that mental illness is a terrible thing for the sufferer to talk about because of the stigma associated with it. i was cutting also to release the pain in the only way i could. it was a way to keep from killing myself. no one i knew offered to help me as you are doing for your friend. maybe if you bring it up with all seriousness that you know he is truly suffering and give him options as to where you two can go together to get him help such as a MD or a therapist he will go. maybe it will help him knowing a friend is there for support. this is major depression you have described. very serious and since April is a long time. i only know from my own experience how awful the feeling is and what would have helped me. if one of my friends had been there for me i would have not felt so alone and i would have gotten help sooner. i hope this makes some sense. i will pray for your friend. and you.
2006-10-18 00:15:40 · answer #6 · answered by slaedyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I haven't actually, like, dealt with a similar situation, but a famous Asian star has. I'm sorry to say this, but he took his own life.
Here's what you could do. The next time he says he's lonely, get a psychiatrist to make a house call and tell him he's/she's a friend for him.
NEVER leave your friend alone for a long period of time.
2006-10-17 23:01:16 · answer #7 · answered by csmcsm94 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never dealt with someone like that but maybe you should talk to your boss? They can maybe have a gentle word and seek him help? I do know one thing, don't take this all on your own back, it may prove too much and end up taking over your own life. Good luck x
2006-10-17 23:01:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's lucky to have a friend like you who cares about him, It will be difficult and all you can do is be patient with him as you have been, try and get him to see a doctor who might be able to prescribe something for him to help him get through his mood swings he does need help.
2006-10-17 23:04:25 · answer #9 · answered by braveheart321 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately not normal behavior. Sounds to me like manic depression. I used to work with someone who was manic depressive, and it was very difficult. I regret not doing something about it, like going to my boss - who maybe would have 'forced' her to get help. She basically would do everything on a whim. I can't tell you how to deal with it...you have to decide what is best for your situation but I can sympathize with you that it is not easy.
2006-10-17 23:00:29 · answer #10 · answered by zaeli22 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋