why can't i cry?

Question

since the end of my marrage 2 years ago i havn't been able to cry. Bad things have happened in life but i just can't cry. why?

Answer 1

Hi Paul T.
Saw your question, and felt i had to try and give you an explanation. I am no expert, but i have a notion.
You are still in mourning over your marriage. It has hit you hard, Paul when you least expect it those tears will come, and it will be over something that is probably very trivial, and then the other thing is you won't be able to stop the tears(get yourself a box of hankies).
You are suppressing your feelings, and i am sure that you do have emotions like everyone else.
I don't believe for one moment that you need to see anyone professional.

Answer 2

Based on what you have written, no one here or elsewhere can answer that question.

However, it's interesting that you ask, since that seems to imply that you think you "ought to" cry. I don't know if you have had an opportunity, or even a desire to talk to anyone you can trust about the bad things that have happened. I am guessing that, because you have suggested that you "should" cry or may have a voice from somewhere telling you you need to, that you haven't found a place or situation where you have had "permission" or felt safe to cry.

We are all the product of our up-bringing and experiences. We are given lots of conflicting information and sometimes, especially when we have been through difficult times as you have, it is confusing to know how you are "supposed" to react. When we were very young, many of us were told things like "big girls/boys don't cry," or encouraged to be "brave" when we had pain. These things are burned into our memory and go deep. It can be hard to evercome such well-rooted stuff, perhaps especially when our feelings are a soup swirling around at a rate that makes it hard for us to recognise what the ingredients are.

You might find it helpful to seek out someone who will listen to you without judging you and without telling you that what you feel is either right or wrong, while encouraging you to explore your emotions and reactions to the events of the past two years. If there is no one in your life that might be able to do that, (and even our best friends and closest family members have a stake in trying, perhaps without knowing it, to manage your feelings,) then perhaps it would be worth getting in touch with someone impartial who is trained in exactly this area. For some people, seeing a counsellor or therapist sounds unlike the sort of thing they would do, but is it worth investing a couple of hours and a few quid to see? After all, you don't have to sign up for life.

You asked the question, so it's clearly an issue for you. At the risk of repeating myself I say again - no one here knows the answer to your question. You know, but for now it may not be possible for you, unassisted, to access that knowledge.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Crying is a natural reaction to an emotionally overloaded experience. This kind of thing happens quite a bit in fact. My mother passed away nearly 5 years ago and for quite a while, no matter how many negative/hurtful things happened after that, I didn't shed a tear. Often such emotional turmoil makes one stronger and allows us to see some clarity and insight into our issues. Don't see it as a sign of trouble or weakness. Look at it more like "Wow, I DID get through something that terrible and all the other things just have not been that bad."

The tears will come again at some point. Why rush them? :)

Answer 4

Perhaps you have not found the right shoulder to cry on dear heart. You have kept your tears for so long that you may be affraid to start because you are scared that you will not be able to stop.
Dear Heart, this happened to me once, and once I had someone I trusted to let out all the pain that was inside, I just could not stop... I could've filled a bucket !... But I was fortunate enough to have someone understanding, I hardly knew, and we were listening to music... Then it was like Niagara Falls all of the sudden that opened from a song that I heard. All the emotions went flowing out and it was of great relief. That was about 20 years ago and my friend still remembers that episode.

You need to let all that pain out dear heart. I am a good listener and we don't know each other and probably never will, so go ahead and let it all out. If I may help in some way as I have been helped in the past, I will be grateful to God.

Answer 5

Would you feel better if you could cry? Maybe you have kept your emotions inside all your life and now it is hard to express yourself or just let go?I am sorry about what is happening to you,but eventually it will burst.Maybe it just does not hurt as much as you think? Anyway you have nerves of steel.

Answer 6

You know more than any one that you are bottling this experience! You know that you have no emotions on certain levels and that this is effecting your mental well being! You Need to talk to some one who is really going to listen! You also need to face up to what has happened! Buy doing this you will start to move on in your life!! Good luck I hope that you will soon be on the road to recovery!

Answer 7

Your body and mind are anaesthetizing themselves until you are strong enough to deal with the bad feelings that are the result of what you've been through. In other words it's partly a survival mechanism. If you continue to supress your feelings however, you will turn them inwards instead of releasing them in a healthy way e.g. crying, talking it through with someone. This can be detrimental to your health, both physical and mental.

A visit to the doctor is the first step if you can't 'feel' in a healthy way. He may refer you to someone who can help you explore and express your feelings. Good luck.

Answer 8

You should go to an eye doctor if you have not been crying for a long period of time. Tears are important in a way that it cleanses your eyes and even wears out some stress in you. Tears might look sad, but is crucial in our lives!

so go to a doctor and ask more details!
Fast!

Answer 9

For some it is a subconcious fear of losing control emotionally. Counselling may help this, or it could just be that you are not a cryer. Some people cry a lot, some don't, it may be as simple as that.

Answer 10

Stand in a large room in the corner...... get a mate to stand at the other end of the room ..... Now get him to run at you at full speed ..and Kick you in the Bollocks.....!!! That should make you shed a tear ..! ..( i bet this made you smile ..? ) ..

Don't worry about crying mate.... just be happy ... :)