My gf has always been pretty closed up but after some really deep conversations with her, she has opened up a little. On more than one occasion she has said that she used to see a counselor but stopped going, but won't go into any more detail than that. I had heard some allusion from one of her friends of sexual assault somewhere in her (the gf's) past. What do I do? I am there 100% for her, but it's just killing me that every time we take three step forward, we have to take 2 steps back, ya know? How do I even bring it up or suggest she bring it up? I know she has something she wants to tell me, and I know she's close to doing so, but I don't know how long I can wait.
2006-10-17 18:52:44 · 5 answers · asked by randyken 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Don't put pressure and a time limit on it like that. Sexual assult is very traumatic for young women in today's society. She is probably thinking she caused it somehow, that she really wants to tell you but can't get it out because she is ashamed. She feels really bad about all this. But I really think if you give her time and even suggest if she feel better going back to a counselor with you there, maybe that would open her up more. And don't be quick to say anything when she says the truth. Because guys and girls first reaction to when something bad happens, is to fly off the handle. Don't do that, just reassure her that you would never be that way with her. And that she can trust you, to be a better person than the jerk that assualted her.
2006-10-17 19:51:56 · answer #1 · answered by Bloody Kisses 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well my friend, if you are unwilling to wait till she is ready then I have to question your claim of love and 100% there for her... I am a sexual abuse victum , at a very young age I might add, and it took me 15 yrs before I could face it and tell my husband.. we have been married 30, so for the first 1/2 of our marriage he only suspected but did not know for sure !!! depending on , if that is the case with your g/f, and what age it all took place, and who it was that was the abuser, she may find talking about it just to hard, and it may bring pure fear to her heart to even say it... unless you are or have been a victim, it is hard to make you understand what happens and why it is sooooooo very hard to talk about it...... I am now 48 yrs old and it happened to me around the age of 6 thru 12 or so, I dont even remember all the details it is buried so deep, but even now just typing this makes me cringe and I am sweating.... so if this is her problem and you love her, you will let her know that what ever she needs to say or tell you , you are there WHEN or IF she is ever ready to talk !!! if you force the issue you can do more damage than you realize.... it is not a matter of her not wanting to talk it is a matter of trusting someone with her deepest and darkest and most terrifying secrets.....so if she was abused, you have to understand just one thing, it took away her innocence and ability to trust !!! and it was and is NOT her fault... but, of course this may not be her problem, but what ever it is , it still means YOU not pushing till she is ready to talk........ God bless
2006-10-18 02:10:54 · answer #2 · answered by Annie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Owie. Thats a hard one to deal with. First, let her know you do not think she is crazy, or f*cked up in anyway. I have gone through this myself, and it is the hardest thing to tell anyone. Repeatedly asure her you are therefor her. Then leave a counselor card near the phone. See if she reacts to it. If she dose not, move the card to a place she might see or use it as her bookmark. The idea is to get it into her head, make her think about it. Then after a week of this and if there is no response mention a theripist to her, telling her it might help. Hell, give her my e-mail if it makes her feel better I understand at least. Or you could try a self-help group for sexual abuse victims, then she wouldnt feel quite as alone. JUst make sure she knows you are not judgeing her, but trying to help, you do not think she is nuts.
BE SUPPORTIVE, NOT JUDGEMENTAL!
For you to know, my biggest problem was thinking I was utterly alone in this feeling, with a self help group It helped me understand that I am not as alone as I thought.
You just have to mention it or it will be left unsaid and she will move on to continue to bottle it up or to someone who may use that to victimize her even more. She needs to know you care.
Whatever you do, do not force her to tell you. If she does she does. Just let her know that whatever happend she is safe with you, and whenever she is ready she will tell you. Just make sure she tells someone, at least.
2006-10-18 02:11:57 · answer #3 · answered by essexsrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think when the time is right and she knows you really well she will probably tell you until then don't try to force her to tell you. Maybe it will open up a wound that is best left alone. If you push it you may lose her so best let it be for now. It doesn't really matter in your relationship at this time does it?
2006-10-18 02:04:09 · answer #4 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, ask yourself..."do I really want to know?" Your girl might be trying to move past this situation. To some extent, she is probably depending on the healthy relationship that you have now to help her. If she wants to talk to anyone, she will. If that someone is you feel honored and humbled and be prepared to listen with a supportive ear, not the ear of an (I'm assuming) intimate partner.
2006-10-18 02:06:40 · answer #5 · answered by Realvocalist 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋