I have been with my boyfriend for almost 8 years. He was a "street " type of dude when we got together and I guess still kinda is. We have lived together for 7 years. We have no kids because I will not have kids out of wedlock. He wants children now but does not want to get married "right now" he said he doesnt need a piece of paper to confirm it. Isn't that just another excuse, am I asking too much. He once told me in bed of course that we could get married set a date and all and its like it never happened. He says his grnadpa married his grandma when they were 50 and had 6 kids, am I wrong to want to be married first I am 26 and running out of time. biological clock is ticking help!
2006-10-17 18:23:26 · 10 answers · asked by megs 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Hello Megs,
My advice is to stick to your principles and do things in the order YOU want to do them in. (Marriage first, then children) He doesn't seem to have much respect for your feelings on the issue. Marriage is more of a committment, & I do not feel that is asking too much in light of the fact that he wants to start a family with you.
If he does not get married now, there is no guarantee that he will want to get married years down the road. If he cannot commit to you, then how do we know he can commit to future children? There is no compromise on this issue. You either get married or you do not. If anything, YOU are the one who has already compromised by living with him for the past 7 years. You would be the one taking the bigger risk if you went ahead & had children with him first because it would be you who would end up being a single parent if he decides parenthood is not for him. I see no reason why you should have to compromise your future children by bringing them into a world without married parents if that is what you want to provide for your children.
I must say I admire you. Too many people are not willing to commit in this day and age. You have shown some mature thought and responsibility here. You have communicated to him how you feel about it. You do what you think is right, & if he cannot understand that then perhaps he might not be the right husband & father for your future family. Good Luck.
2006-10-17 18:30:30 · answer #1 · answered by julie j 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do not have children with him if he wishes not to get married. If he loved you enough to help with the kids, he would be planning on the long haul and would have no problem getting married. It concerns me he does not want to get married, kinda like, if he does not end up liking the daddy job, he can just bail. No way. Tell him you could pick up any dude and have sex and kids if that is all you wanted. Always look at the legal end of it too. If not married, your chances at getting anything are lower in the court. Yes, I feel it is a cop out, he wants to commit to kids but not you? That is so irresponsible. Good luck hon, if you want kids, and he wishes not to get married, maybe he needs to let you go find a man who loves you and wants to be your husband first.
2006-10-18 01:30:46 · answer #2 · answered by bunnylatte 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
girl do not get pregnant by this man . leave him alone . If you get pregnant , you will just be a baby mama and not wifey, Get the ring first then the kid , Go ahead and get pregnant by him and once you do , you will end up being a single parent for life. The only thing this guy wants to do is get you pregnant because then he know you wont go anywhere, then you will be stuck at home with the baby and he can have his *** out in the streets, messing around on you . stay on birth control , once the kids come , things change and sometimes not for the better .
2006-10-18 01:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by easygoingfunlovingfemale 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think that this may be a fear of being a man thats the head of a household and responsible for something. If you have kids and things dont work out between you too he can just send money nad hang with the kid on weekend, which give him a back up plan and a sense that there is a chacne for freedom. But with marriage you have to be there and take care of the family financially. I think its responsibility, unfortunatly responsibility associated with having kids isnt always a must these days, but there is some still left in marriage
2006-10-18 01:28:08 · answer #4 · answered by mac_usmc_2k4 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to understand that no matter the race there are certian types of men...those that commit and those that dont. being with some as long as you have is enough information that he is not trying to commit under the circumstances he is in. This situaton is really on you... he is obviously content so you need to step up and make a decsion do you want to keep asking and waiting or are going to get away from this situation and move on. sometimes we need a push to commit..we have to lose something then we can commit.
2006-10-18 01:34:20 · answer #5 · answered by Imrickjamesbeotch 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you know how they say "why buy the cow, if you already have the milk" (well its something like that) Sweetheart, he is not gonna marry you! You should never pressure anyone into marriage, because its just gonna end up in divorce. . . Do you want to be a US statistic? Seriously, if he doesnt want to marry you, then you should have his kids. Good Luck!
2006-10-18 01:29:02 · answer #6 · answered by Me 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't think its just Black Men, but it's just men in general, men are affraid of commitment because thier more affraid of getting hurt then women are. Also men see it as if there's nothing worng why fix it. He see the relationship perfectly fine, Why change it. I being a woman, understand how you feel, I to want to get married one day. To me it's important to have that union noticed under God.
Don't pressure him, then one day it would probably happen.
2006-10-18 01:29:28 · answer #7 · answered by Diamond D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. Elementary stuff
2006-10-18 01:26:14 · answer #8 · answered by lefty 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Move on.
2006-10-18 01:25:35 · answer #9 · answered by Diamond in the Rough 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Dump his azz.
2006-10-18 01:27:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋