My 16 year old step daughter is having sex, I don't know what to do?

Question

She just told me this a week or so ago. About 4 months ago she was put on birth control for irregular periods, she was taking them for about 2 months I think then her mom made her give them all to her. she thought that if she wasn't on the pill she wouldn't have sex. I knew right away that was a mistake. Anyway she came over the other night and tells me that since before school got out last year, about 4 months ago, shes had sex with 3 boys, one she said was just the weekend before she was telling me this so I know she was not on the pill. I talked to her and tried to explain to her what she was doing but like all teens I don't think she even cared about what I was saying.
Her mom is very strict and I know if she knew she would be really hard on my step her and I'm scared that would make her worse, shesnuck out before just to prove to her mom that she will do what she wants. I think if her father, my husband knew he would tell her mom. I DO NOT want to keep this from my husband

Ok I ran out of room, but I don't want to keep it from either but especially my husband. I have talked to her about the consequences, her mother and father were young and it was just a one night thing, I think her mom was 16 when she had her and she knows this, I think that is why her mom is so strict, she doesn't want the same thing to happen to her but I know if she is too strict it will do more harm than good. Just like one of the anwsers said, shes going to have sex no matter what, none of us can stop her so I agree that we need to constantly remind her of why she should'nt be doing this and hope that she will listen to us, I have already offered, actually begged her to let me take her to get the shot and she said no. She heard weight gain is a side affect, I told her its also a side affect of pregnancy. I know I need to tell both parents, I am just scared that her mom will push so hard that my step daughter will hate all of us and have no one to turn to if something does happen.

Answer 1

Your first responsibility should be protecting the girl. Her mother is living in a world of denial. Taking away her Pill was a BAD idea. If I were you, I'd take her in and get her the birth control shot. That way she's at least protected from pregnancy.
If you talk to your husband, make sure to emphasize that you guys need to make sure she's protected. Then you can work with her, try to make sure she's not just having sex to make a point, or to get people to like her.
Perhaps talk to a family counselor on advice on how to deal with her - and her mother.

Good luck to you all.

Answer 2

Tough love! Do whatever you need to do, but do not keep this from your husband. Kids usually tell so someone can try to stop them! How long has it been since you were a teen? There will be alot of screaming and just count on the you don't love me's, but her parents need to know! Thank God she has a good enough relationship with you to talk to you, so talk to her. Tell her what you are going to do and tell her she will have to sit in on the conversations with her dad and mom. If she wants to be an adult, act like an adult. If the birth control seems to give her "free rein" take her off or at least threaten it. See what that does. And with her there when you talk to the parents there will be 2 advantages: 1 she will not be able to misunderstand the process, and 2 you can act as the voice of reason because mom and dad will have to go through all the emotions that come with these types of discussions.
Much luck to you.

Answer 3

I would suggest you to tell her dad first, then maybe both of you can work out a solution. Although her mom deserves to know, I mean, after all she IS her mom. But maybe before her mom acts out on this, talk to her with your husband, and the three of you can come up with something, and that way, all three of you will be on the same page. I know the worst thing parents could do is contradict each other during a "family crisis." Whatever plan that you all come up with, stick with it. Teach her that sexual activity comes with huge responsibilities that she needs to know, and all that. I don't think you guys can stop her from having sex, but it won't hurt to try. What my parents did was give me enormous amount of trust and respect, so I know if I ever had sex, I would lose all the trust and respect. And ultimately hurt the people I love the most. Even though I did step over the boundary a couple of times, I make sure that I won't come home pregnant or anything of that sort. However, by the way you describes your stepdaughter, it seems like she doesn't even respect herself much. I don't mean to be rude, but 3 boys! She definitely doesn't see sex the way she should. Even though she might hate you right now for telling her parents, trust me, she will thank you one day.

Answer 4

It's obvious ur step daughter trust u a lot. But u r not her friend u r her step MOTHER. U owe it to ur husband not to keep him in the dark or it will come back on u ten fold. U caught between a hard rock and a wall. Talk to ur step daughter and tell her to talk to her father if she can't talk to her mother, some of us fathers r not so square these days and can relate to her about the dawgs out there just trying to get into her pants on the regular. If u don't want to come out the bad guy in this talk to both her and ur husband or deal with the chance of ur marriage going down the tubes for lack of trust and confidence from ur husband towards u. This child is using u, open ur eyes woman. Take it from a single dad who had teenage daughters.

Answer 5

You are right. You should not keep this from your husband. I think you should have a good talk with the girl and her father so he would decide what to do because you are not the mother and this should also be discussed with her mother. If she thinks she can do what she wants, her parents have the responsibility to handle this situation, and it is your responsibility also to inform your husband. You may be saving her life. Have you thought about that ? With all the diseases spreading around, she should be warned about the consequences of such actions. I don't think a good talk with her would make it worse.

Be a good step-mother and have a loving talk with your husband before you two have a serious conversation with her.

Have wisdom in your decision and may God bless you all.

Answer 6

though your not a legal gaurdian you are still apart of her life,and obviously she felt comfty enough to confrot you and tell you,i know its hard to be put in the situation but you can not be her friend,you did the right thing by talking with her but sometimes that isnt enough...you should call a family gathering with her mom you and ur husband and you all need to talk about it,she shouldnt be having sex this age but she is and its getting worse yearly eens are getting younger,if you all do decide to talk with her as a family try not to yell(because she wont hear you)you cant tell her not to do it cause shes going to start sneaking and you wouldnt want tha try to make her feel as comfortable as possible with comming to an adult about sex,and get her back on birth control and buy condoms for her,many people would say that just telling her its okay to have sex,but i dont see it that way your protecting her from STDs AIDS HIV and pregnancy...this is a tough situation and thier's no easy way out of it and no talking about it only makes it worse....goodluck

Answer 7

Teenagers are going to do what they want to do. It's great that she came and talked to you. She views you as a friend, and she needs an adult friend, because she is making some adult choices at a young age. First talk to your husband. Express the fact that even if he gets mad she is still his daughter and needs his support. Your husband needs to talk with her mother. You are best left out of this. I know you care for her, but reality is she is your step- daughter and her mother may think you are taking the daughter side and that may have consequences. She needs to make sure that she is at least using condoms even if she is on BC pills. BC pills do not protect against STD. As far as her sneaking out and trying to teach her mom that she can do what ever she wants to do is a sign of a lack of maturity.

Answer 8

My mom was the same way! STRICT! I did the same thing, everything she told me not to just to show her. Just let your step-daughter know that sex is never just sex. When she gets older and looks back on the things she is doing now, she will realize that she's not hurting her mom, she's hurting herself. I started having sex at 13 and moved out at 16, so please believe me when I say, I know how she feels. As a step-mom just try to teach her self respect, and that she is worthy of so much more than these little boys she is having sex with. Oh yeah, GET HER BACK ON BIRTH CONTROL!! She's not going to stop having sex now that she knows how good it feels. Make sure she knows her risks too. No one ever thinks it will be them, but AIDS is out here. Not just that, but there are many diseases she can get and will have to live her life with. My best friend got venereal warts the very first time she had sex, now she has to live with that sh*t for life! Please let her know, sex is NOT to be taken lightly!

Answer 9

You can't keep this from EITHER of her parents because they ARE her parents and until she is 18 or emancipated they are responsible for her. Or you can just wait until she turns up pregnant because even birth control taken same time every single day CAN and DOES fail, hopefully this girl isn't stupid enough to have unprotected sex or she could wind up with an STD or HIV and again that would be the way everyone would find out she was having sex.

Answer 10

Of course you don't want to have secrets from your husband!
I would suggest going to your step daughter and ask her if she would please sit down with you and talk to her dad. Tell her that you care about her, want to support her but you are cannot have a good, trusting relationship with your husband if there are secrets between the two of you. Let her know that if she doesn't want to talk to her dad, you are still going to tell him.
Tell her that because you also value your relationship with her that is why you approached her first, and want to be there to support her when she talks with her dad. You can tell her that doesn't mean you agree with her, as you have already made your feelings clear on this subject but it does mean that you feel it's important to listen and try to understand. You only want what is best for her and her future.
Let the dad and daughter figure out how to deal with mom.
That is a tough one, but the best thing to maintain a good relationship with everyone is honesty and direct communcation.
Good Luck!!