my boyfriend is 18 and a recovering drug addict, He quit when we found i was pregnant but relapsed a month and a half ago and went to rehab. When he relapsed he got angry, never physical but verbally abusive and neglectfully. He is acting like everything is about him, when I'm the one due in 6 weeks. He has hardly done anything for me since we found out, no money no nothing, but he wants to be there. I just want someone elses opinion on what to do. Should I do this on my own, or let him try and be a father. & yes I know.. I'm 16 and shouldnt be pregnant.
2006-10-17 17:40:27 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
why did you have sex if you know you cant get pregnant
you had to know he was into drugs before you slept with him
its your fault too
2006-10-17 17:43:43 · answer #1 · answered by Erik N 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Ok, you can do this!!
I recommend that you IMMEDIATELY file for full physical and full legal custody of your child once s/he is born. DO IT...beg, borrow or steal to pay for an attorney. That way you will have one less major thing to worry about. Trust me, I wish I would have done so IMMEDIATELY! People say get support, etc..but I am telling you, get your legal ducks in a row! If he decides he wants to participate in this child's life and he is still using there is not a lot you can do legally unless you have sole custody. You have to be able to legaly make the best decision for your child.
Now, I am not saying that you should not allow him any access to the child, after all he is the father, and a child does need a father BUT not if he is going to continue to not be able to control his drug use or his other negative behavior.
As you mentioned he acts like it's all about him...well, guess what?!? In six weeks it's going to be all about that baby for many years to come! You'll see that all you will want to do is what is best for the child. I am sure you will. I hope you have a good support system from family and/or friends. You'll need it.
Good luck and congrats!
2006-10-17 18:12:14 · answer #2 · answered by seaelen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boots and Pok are right. Your baby and your safety are the most important things right now, not your boyfriend. He may "want to be there", but his actions are speaking WAY louder than his words. The way he acts now is mild compared to how he will act after your baby's born.
Drugs are an escape from reality for him. He can't handle the pressure of growing up and being an adult and taking responsibility for his own life, his woman, and his baby. Don't expect any better from him in 6 weeks. He may grow up, but it won't happen anytime soon. He needs to change this on his own and you can't do it for him.
As for letting him try to be a father... yes... but not by living with you. That won't be a safe place for you or for your baby. Let him have supervised visiting rights, and get child support from him. Use legal means to get it if you have to, but he has to provide for his baby and you have all the cards to force him to. This is a responsibility issue and he is legally an adult.
It'll also be a great reason for him to stay off drugs, as an incentive to see you and his child. If he loves you and wants you, he'll grow up and learn to care for someone besides himself.
Stay at home with your folks. Stay in school if you possibly can and graduate from high school no matter how long it takes!! Take advantage of every genuine offer of help and support from people and agencies. Check out the Pregnancy Resource Center in your area. You and your baby are NOT alone.
2006-10-17 17:58:00 · answer #3 · answered by Mmerobin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he is acting selfish that should be a clue to you. He is still on drugs. You have to protect your child. Time to grow up and face reality. It's not about your realtionship with him its about your relationship with your child. Do you want your child around a drug addict? What kind of father will he be if he is on something? Do you really want to take that chance? If he is showing signs of being abusive get out now. As soon as you have your baby, petition the court for protective order against him until he can pass a drug test before he visits you or your child. Life is going to hit you hard now that you are having a baby. You need to ask your parents for as much help as possible.
2006-10-17 18:39:45 · answer #4 · answered by loopy lizzy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a very sticky situation. I think there is another guy out there who is more than capable of taking care of you. You should get rid of this guy and tell him you got rid of the baby. But DON'T get rid of the baby. And then move on with your life. You have enough to worry about with a new baby on the way. You don't need to support yourself, the baby and him. Anyone who doesn't know how to treat themselves certainly does not know how to treat anybody else and if I were in your shoes...he wouldn't be there. You also don't want your kid to end up a drug user like the Dad. Next, time you should think about the person who you are with and honestly ask yourself if that man will be able to support you and another child. If not, pick up your skirt and leave. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.
2006-10-17 18:15:53 · answer #5 · answered by lizkingwas 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's your personal decision, but I will tell you what my mom did. My father was a one night stand and she happened to get pregnant(obviously). Her cousin was friends with the guy so she told him that my mom was pregnant. He never bothered coming around unless he was drunk, so finally after I was born he showed up at her house. She flat out told him that if he wasn't going to sober up then not to come around. He didn't come back.
It sounds like you are going to do this own your own even if he's around. If you want him there, then let him be there, if not tell the hospital and they will refuse to let him in and you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. If you think you can do it on your own then do it, you can try to get child support from him, but if he's that into drugs then most likely you'll never see a penny unless they garnish his wages. Personally, I'd stay away from him. If he's not willing to give up drugs for you or the baby then he doesn't deserve to have either of you. That's my personal opinion on the situation and that's how I feel about my biological father. Be strong and hang in there. The decision won't be easy, but it will become clear. Congratulations and Good Luck!
2006-10-17 18:01:14 · answer #6 · answered by a1dermommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. It sounds like you're pretty mature and are aware you have to do whats best for your baby. Why were you involved with a drug addict in the first place? You can't worry about him anymore. He's made his choice. Maybe down the road once he's grown up more you can allow him to see this baby. But it sounds as though this might be just you and the baby. Forget him and worry about you and baby. You'll get through.
2006-10-17 19:26:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, sweety, been there done that. Neglect IS abuse. Don't fool yourself by thinking he is going to come around anytime soon. Think about your child and staying strong for him/her. Make your future parenting plans without the boyfriend in the picture - this way it is easier for you to adjust when he does indeed drop the bomb. Try and see if there are any teen mom support groups in your area - or even online - just so you can vent to an understnding ear, because you will need it. Do you have the support of your parents? If you need to talk feel free to contact me through Yahoo.....and good luck.
2006-10-17 18:08:07 · answer #8 · answered by Covert Mama 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should not be thinking about your boyfriend right now. What you have to think about is yourself and most especially, your baby. I would advise you to go stay with your family (if they will have you), at least until your baby is born and then go back to school and find a part time job. I know how it feels to be 18 and pregnant and at that time, all I wanted was to be with my boyfriend but I chose not to because I did not want to put my baby on the line just because of selfish reasons like wanting to be with my boyfriend. See if he changes.Otherwise,go run and never look back. You will be fine. Believe it and it will happen.
2006-10-17 17:46:53 · answer #9 · answered by pok 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you can't change the fact that you are about to be a mother so my advice to you is this. I would make him go to rehab and stay until you know for sure he's clean he's going to be no good to you or the baby if he's doing drugs. It's hard doing it all alone but i did it for 3 years and it can be done. just tell yourself that you and your child deserve better. good luck
2006-10-17 21:55:31 · answer #10 · answered by nursehemi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you have your parents support, because your so young and being involved with someone who is a drug addict is hard enough. what you need to do is concentrate on your baby not your b/f. Your gonna have to do things yourself. Dont rely on your b/f. Do whats best for your baby. He needs to get help and get a job for you and baby before he can be a good father to your baby. Youve got to be strong and set some boundaries. Good Luck
2006-10-17 21:27:19 · answer #11 · answered by Baby boy blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋