January 6th, 2007 will be 2 years. But it still feels like yesterday. I wasn't with her when she died, and wasn't able to be at the funeral. What do I do? How do I grieve? Also, my dad just remarried last month. How the heck do I deal with that? (I'm 23, female)
2006-10-17 16:27:03 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Hon, the only way you can grieve through that is to pray and talk about it. You can't deal with your father right now until you get past your mom passing. now the emptiness will never go away and the missing her gets worse but prayer will help you deal with it better.
2006-10-17 16:31:17 · answer #1 · answered by just me 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I was only 24 when I lost my mother. It was very tramatic. My father also re-married about 1 1/2 years later. So I have some idea what you are dealing with. It was 20 years ago last month.
It's not easy to deal with all of it. Don't worry about not being there at the end - or at the funeral. Your mother knew you loved her and that is all that matters. As for what to do now, live your life to the fullest. It is the best way to honor your mother. When the bad times come (and they will for several years), take time to cry and deal with the depression. If you have siblings, rely on them for a shoulder to cry on. If not, turn to your close friends. They will be there for you if they are true friends.
As for your father... Is his new wife a nice lady? If so, cherish the fact that he has found companionship with someone who is decent and loving. If she is a nice person, try to build a friendship with her. She will never be your mother - and should never try to be. However, if she loves your father and makes him happy, then you should be able to build a friendship with her. It could even bring you and your father closer.
I was not so lucky. My father's new wife was psychologically imbalanced. It drove a wedge between my father and I that lasted for the duration of the marriage. The marriage failed after 3 years and he spent the rest of his life alone - and lonely.
Good luck - and hang in there. It will get better in time.
2006-10-17 23:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by JM 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My mom has been gone since 1985 and I think of her all the time. It is ok to grieve for your mom as long as you want. I think of all the happy things that have to do with my mom and all her quirky little sayings. The night my mom got really ill there were beautiful northern lights so every year when the northern lights start to show in the sky I feel very close to her still. As long as you live your mom will be with you, always close to your heart. I know it's tough when a dad remarries since that is what my dad did and I had a super hard time but it will get better I promise.
2006-10-17 23:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by oldmomma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate on your grieving, I lost my dad March 22,06. Since
you weren't with your mom the day she passed, I'm sure in spirit
she knows you love and miss her very much. Make a day for her
at the cemetery, spend time reading a story or just enjoying the view. I live in Fresno CA. and my Dad is buried in L.A., CA. and since he passed I promised myself (if I had the chance) I would go to L.A. and spend time at the cemetery. Which I have. Except
this month. But next month were going. Anyways I'm telling you
this because there's still ways to be with her even if it's at the
cemetery, and being with her by heart and soul. You can talk
to her and no one will talk about you. They know automatically
whom your talking too. You can tell her how much you love and
miss her. I'm 47 years old. and I know exactly how you feel I look
at my dads picture and my daughter would say what are you doing? Then she realize what I was looking at. So if you feel like
crying go ahead. It's okay. Listen to her favorite songs, look at
her pictures. Always keep her close to your heart.
2006-10-17 23:59:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry about your mom. I haven't had to go through that but I can only imagine how hard it has been for you. The only thing I can tell you is that the grieving process is different for everyone. I didn't know your mom, obviously, but I doubt that she would want you beating yourself up about not being there when she passed away. The important thing is that she knew you loved her. When you finially forgive yourself for not being there you will start to feel better. Try thinking of the good times you shared with your mom. I have always heard that as long as you don't forget the person they will always be with you. As for your dad, think about it this way. Everyone needs love in their life, maybe he was so happy with your mom that he wants to feel that way again. Noone should go through life alone. Like I said always remember so you never forget. God Bless!!!
2006-10-17 23:35:54 · answer #5 · answered by Tammy G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mom passed when I was 14, now 40, and I'm still not over it. I didn't go to the hospital because they said she was going to be fine. so when she passed a few hrs after, it was really hard. But I did go to the funeral so I can only imagine how you feel. No closure. You should try a grief counselor in your area. I bet this would be a great help to you at this time. Also let me say I'm sorry for your loss cause I do know how this feels and I hope you find s1 that can help you through this time.
2006-10-17 23:34:42 · answer #6 · answered by lQQking 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Every year that that day comes around will always feel like yesterday. One thing that might help is going to the burial site and just talking about your feelings for your mother--that might have you some simblance of peace. Another thing that might help could be going and speaking to a psycologist--they are great because they simply listen, it isnt like the way they portray it on TV at all. When my best friend was killed in a car accident I did that very thing; and it helped tremendouly.
2006-10-17 23:33:21 · answer #7 · answered by kalaird1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your loss. I believe you need to see a clergy or counselor that can guide you through the steps of grieving and the new marriage of your father. Wish you the best.
2006-10-17 23:31:58 · answer #8 · answered by ginger13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I lost my mom 5 years ago. I was at her bedside when she took her last breath. It will always seem like it was yesterday. You just have to move forward & try not to think of the past. If you think of the past always remember the good times that you spent with your mom.
2006-10-17 23:31:47 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy you have a lot on your plate. I can understand how you are feeling. You should talk to someone. Your dad would be the best one. Try to find someone. It's not good to have all these feelings build up. Becky
2006-10-18 02:07:32 · answer #10 · answered by Becky H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋