He says he wants to start over again.?

Question

My boyfriend of nearly 11 months left me last monday. I avoided him for a week until I gave in and came up to him to talk and try to be friends. We reconciled. He is a totally commitment-phobe. He gets scared so easily. It happened before. He came back after a week as well. (we were only together for a week when that happened the first time).

Now he says he wants to start fresh. all that puppy love crap. He wants to talk about us "today" and not too far into the future like before.

He wants a "regular" highschool boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.

But I can't help but feel hurt that he doesn't want to talk about loving me. He wants to wait until we're older and who knows if we'll last that long?

He says he's not using me. He says that he respects me.

But what the hell, guys?

He's 18. A senior in high school. I'm a junior. He's leaving for college and will be in the state for 2 years.

Is he doing the right thing by slowing down like that?

Well I went a little crazy and started dreaming big. Talking about marriage.

Thats why he's so scared.

Answer 1

all i'll say right now is that his age doesn't neccessarily mean anything. first off, it's a fact that guys mentally mature slower than women. u already know that he's insecure abt making commitments which he sees as serious. if you put too much pressure on these kind of guys to make the commitment when they're not emotionally (read: are still scared by the idea of it, not of the idea of being commited to you, just the idea of being commited in general) ready yet will push him away and often they would rather just cut it al off and back away than to meet your challenge, even if they love you deeply. fear about commitment is more about insecurity in himself, and feeling uncomfortable abt what he perceives will be demanded of him if he takes that 'next step' and a heightened sense of defensiveness and protectiveness of himself till he's ready and comfortable to progress there...he will one day, but you can't force these things onto someone. your relationship has already progressed to puppy love once, who's to say it won't again...i bet the sudden depth of his feelings for you were suddenly realised and fritened him and he scared himself and that's why he did his defensive method of breaking it off and running for cover. take it slow and he'll most likely come back to the stage you left off from much quicker than you might think...tell him that you don't want to pressure him into something that he's not ready for, but that you are ready for that next step and that when he's ready you will be there with him...tell him that you will take it slow if that will hel him be more comfortable with how things are going, but tell him that you believe that there is a great amount of affection and happiness between you two and that by starting off slow again, you don't want to feel as though you've lost that closeness and affection and intimacy...so tell him because of this that with you agreeing to slow down for him, you want him to be aware of your needs for intimacy and affection form him and that you need for him to keep showing that through his words and actions to you, as you will to him.......i bet that this will work...you still keep the feeling that he's not withdrawing away from you adn that he still loves you, but he gets the chance to slow down and think and come to accept and be comfortable and confident in his feelings for you

Answer 2

To tell you the truth, in today's modern culture it is nearly impossible unless you have a heavy yoke of religion to stick it out with your high school sweet heart. The fact of the matter is that society tells us we need to experience many things before settling down. This includes, travel, school, friends, and of course relationships. It is deeply ingrained in our psyche.

You or he may not see it directly yet take it from my experience as truth. When I was in high school I dated a very sweet girl who loved me and I loved her but ultimately I could not stick it out because of a strong depression that I did not know what it was till much later when I realized that I wanted more experience.

And as much as she claimed to love me she too wanted more experience. In fact once she asked me if I wanted her to sleep with another man she would. At the time I was offended but she this was just the deep seated desire for experience coming out.

I suggest you enjoy your time together in high school but assume that you will take a break from one another once college starts. If he knows this he'll relax and may even become more attached to you.

Try not to take things too seriously as this is normative for high school relationships.

Best of wishes on working this out.

Answer 3

He sounds like a dick!
You can't just start fresh when you still haven't buried the old issues.
I am sorry but you need to move on

Answer 4

well what do you think? if he says he's slowing down then go ahead and date him if you want but if he'll be out of state of 2 years try calling him everyday when he leaves