My boyfriend is convinced I was sexually abused as a child. I was exposed to many sexual situations that I shouldn’t have been yes, but not directly. I was also raised in a very strict religion, and sex was considered to be a dirty and nasty thing unless done with a marriage partner. Even then it seemed like it was dirty. I know I was scared from this, and it has affected my current relationships. Now I believe that if someone wants to have sex, they can do so, of course there are consequences like STD’s. However, I have tried to avoid any emotional connection allow with sex with anyone because I don’t want to end up feeling used by a guy. I know that sometimes I don’t even want a commitment and just want a fling, but I have been unable to do so, certainly the times I have tried I felt rejected. I guess with or without sex if someone doesn’t want you you will feel bad anyway. But my point is, is my current stand on sex & love caused by my being right, or by my upbringing? Should I make a connection with sex and love or is sex just a pleasurable act that doesn’t have to have any tie with love? I never felt any feeling of love when I had sex with my first love, it was just about pleasure. However, I did feel love when we cuddled, or hugged, or just looked into each other’s eyes. Am I afraid to open up? Or is there just no opening up to do?
2006-10-17 15:23:26 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
sex and love are connected but sex is just sex -- pleasure -- at least for males --- we dont have a problem with sex for pleasure and no real emotional involvment
it sounds more like your upbringing than you and it sounds like you are not sure what you want from a relationship
by not getting emotionally involved i think you are using and being used by guys
like everyone you are afraid of opening up but you cant love until you allow yourself to be vulnerable
2006-10-17 15:42:30 · answer #1 · answered by Waterdragon 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
you know sex is really an expression but it is not all what love is about. trust me sex is no evil thing or dirty. God never said sex was evil, He created it. It's a gift that is misused between partners fairly often but that does not make it an evil thing. yes, it should be only between married couples but there is a reason for that too and not just cuz it's wrong. your bodies are joined as one as they should be in a marriage. what happens to people who just do it and then split is the same affect as tearing a pice of paper in two. weird example but do you get it? you get ripped apart. why do you think there are so many people who sing about the empty feeling or hurt inside. in a way you have ben ripped apart. that's why God said no unless it is within marriage not because he is mean but because he knows what will happen and how badly it will hurt. there is nothing wrong with opening your emotions up but only if you feelready. do it slowly but when you open emotions that does not mean you have to open you body. hope this makes a little sense.
2006-10-17 22:34:02 · answer #2 · answered by Roxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been around for quite some time and one thing that I have learned is that sex and love does not necessarily have to go together. Love is something that transcend the physical aspect and involve the willingness to sacrifice for someone that may not be necessarily our sexual partner.Sex on the other hand all it needs is that the right buttons be pushed ,no pun intended and that the chemistry may ignite the passion. You could enjoy yourself sexually with someone in mutual agreement without really loving that person. Sometimes our mistake is that we confuse both and get burned in the process. I hope this clears up
your question a little.
2006-10-17 22:34:42 · answer #3 · answered by danshalom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the question reversed. Sex should be a part of love. However, yes your up bringing has scarred the way you look at sex if you look at it as being dirty. Sex is the pleasurable thing that people in love do. Find one man who loves you (and only you) and that should be your only sex partner. That will make sex a lot safer and use a condom. Love should come before Sex.
2006-10-17 22:32:47 · answer #4 · answered by Daddy Big Dawg 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Judging from your descriptive acount, I feel you are being forced to be sexual when it should be a natural event.
If you don't feel it come about naturally, then it's really not worth the effort.
Peer pressure tends to place us in a difficult position at times, and our upbringing has lasting impressions which are difficult to circumvent.
You must not let inhibitions rule your life.
Instead, remember these famous words...
"I am the captain of my fate, and the master of my destiny".
You are the one needing to feel whether sex is appropriate or insignificant. Don't go about it as if it were a mere reflex action.
It should be private and mutually satisfying.
Rarely is it ever as perfect as many would have you believe.
Again, peer pressure can have a damaging effect on your life if you let it control you.
2006-10-17 22:33:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you are in love, sex is a beautiful, emotional thing. Sex should be used for pleasure and as a way to express love for each other. Sex should most definetly include love.
2006-10-17 22:26:31 · answer #6 · answered by ♥dream_angel♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You write long like I do. I am bi polar also. when I used to just go out and make love it was great.but after I marryed, I fell so completly In love . sometimes when we really made love, tears would come to my eyes. and after I had to leave her cause she started doing drugs and raiseing hell at me. I can not really injoy sex. because the real love is nt there. and I know what it is like. so my advise is just go on being the way you are, do not ever allow yourself to fall in love. it will be much better for you in the long run. I wish you well..
2006-10-18 00:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are terrified to open up.
Sex is more than two minutes, 52 seconds of squishing noises.
It is a way to connect on a very intimate level, both emotional and spiritual as well as physical.
If you wish to save yourself for marrigae, that is fine, but you need to be wtih your husband when the time comes;
2006-10-17 22:26:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As for the opening up you are the only one who can answer that question. I dont think love and sex have to be mutually exclusive. I can tell you that in my experience that it is better when accompanied by love, but it is not a necessary prerequisite.
2006-10-17 22:27:20 · answer #9 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you seem afraid to open up. every seen pretty women? she says she won't kiss a guy because that creates a personal connection, in other words you get attached you get hurt. but a broken heart is worth the risk of true love, open up.
2006-10-17 22:28:33 · answer #10 · answered by Hannah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋