Can anybody explain to me why my parents did this?

Question

My whole life was based upon chores. Vacuuming, dishes, taking care of my younger siblings, etc. When I turned 18, I was working, going to school, doing chores, and babysitting my younger siblings. I knew I was going to go to college and I was commuting, so I wanted to move out. I went and lived with my best friend and her family. A couple months later, my parents took away my car (that I paid for but was a joint ownership with my grandmother because lack of credit), my cell phone (again, I paid for it), and signed me out of high school because "I no longer lived with them." Also, they owed $3,000.00 to a catholic high school that I attended and it was left unpaid. My fiance's father ended up paying it off so I could get my transcripts and graduate. I got pregnant about 9 months later, and they acted like nothing in the past ever occurred. I forgave, but it's very hard to forget. Why did they do these hurtful things to me? Oh, by the way, I was always "Cinderella" growing up. Anybody?

I was never defiant, and I was very responsible and independent from around the age of 12. They did make me stronger. It is my biological father and my stepmother who adopted me.

Answer 1

Hey Lisa.
Trust me when I say this - you are not the only one who had a rough childhood with their parents. You're story is all too familar. It sounds a lot like my own. But thats another story.
My best advice for you is to just try to move on. Know that they have made some bad choices regarding your childhood and refuse to let them beat you down any longer. Show them that you are a fantastic person who can do everything on her own. You dont need your parents to sign for you...you can get a job and support your family without them. You can go to school and accomplish something great. And then one day ... when you're older and they finally realize how great you have become ... you can tell them you did it yourself. Without help. You raised yourself.
There comes a point when you just have to stand up and say you are going to be the bigger person. And decide that you are not going to raise you're little one this way. And you want to provide them with the love and support you did not receive. I am sure your parents love you...maybe they just didnt show you in the way that you needed. Be aware that all children are different and require different types of attention and love.
Be grateful for the experiences you did have and know that they are going to make you a stronger person in the end. And then look forward to making new experiences in the future with your fiance and your new baby!
Good luck and congrats!

Answer 2

To give your parents a little break I have to ask what type of family did u move in with, were u doing illegal activities? Now I am the mother of three so this may sound strange coming from me but it sounds like you broke what some parents consider a major rule. U made a decision for yourself and did something that u wanted to do. It osund like your parents not only lost a dau but a maid, nanny etc. As far as the car, if your name is on it too, I don't understand how u could not get it back, or make them buy your share. ONe last question why would you forgive so quickly and do u think you would have gotten pregant if you had still lived at home. I wish u the best of luck with YOUR life. Be careful if it happened once it could happen again, Make sure u are living a good, honest life or it could cost you something more important than a car it could cost u your child. Maybe that is why they changes thier attitude.

Answer 3

Not really sure about this or if there's really even any consistency but have you considered this: Maybe in case 1, where the guy treasures his child from divorce, but not his girlfriends baby, did you ever wonder if maybe she lied about taking birth control and tricked him into a pregnancy he wasn't ready for? It happens. And say case 2, maybe the woman treats her oldest like crap because she hates her ex or they exhibit many of the same traits, while their new spouse and child have fonder memories? I'm not saying there's any excuse for treating one child better than another, they can't help who their parents are and I would hope I'd never favor one of my children over the other. I only have one right now. I'm just saying maybe circumstance left a mark on the parent and they just can't get over it. It's still no excuse to mistreat a child, but it's likely what's causing it. Hurt feelings.

Answer 4

They probably thought doing these acts would probably get you to come back home. When it all comes down to it-parents don't want to see their children grow up -let alone move out! They kept pushing and pushing but you never came back home. I don't think they didn't love you-they just loved you too much.

It's hard getting over what they did to you and the only way you can be comfortable and begin to have "healthy" realtionship with them is too talk about how bad they made you feel about the past with them.

Answer 5

I think the lesson of responsibility was administered too harshly by your parents. Unless you have always been difficult or defiant, I can't see the "tough love" lesson either. It's very easy to let someone assume the majority of responsibility with chores as your parents did with you. Considering their "old school" ideals of raising a child to be independent to result in you leaving the nest early, they decided to teach you another lesson of responsibility (financial and legal emancipation) in life because to them, you disrespected them by moving off. And, in their own way they perceived it as you cutting off ties to them as a parents and they were being "good" to you by allowing you to have the items of privelege they provided (home, private school, cell phone, car) Sounds like they have some really strange ideals about life and parenting and don't consider emotional needs and family loyalty as necessary, and only feel they owe you the very basics in life as state laws require.

I don't agree with their style of parenting which to me is excessive in a major way and very controlling. I would be very cautious with letting them get to involved in your life anymore and as a grandparent. If they were bold enough to do this to you, they certainly wouldn't think twice about trying for custody of the baby if they thought your parenting skills were lacking. I don't want to scare you, but keep a keen eye and stay involved with your education and your fiance. Congratulations on your new life! Richest of Blessings!

Answer 6

Your parents seem to have some problems with you....and you may need to disconnect from them for awhile.

You should do yourself a big favor....

in order to move on with your life in a healthy way go get some counseling. Some families can screw you up so badly that you need help to sort it all out.

Answer 7

Wow you had a harsh life....I have no clue why any parent would do that to their children and then later act as if nothing had happened in the past...But I give you a round of applause for forgiving and forgetting because for most people it's not easy either and they don't forgive..But you, you forgave even tho your parents did horrible things to you...You had a harsh life and I myself wouldn't be able to forgive my parents for that...I have no clue why any parent would do that to their child..

Answer 8

I am sorry but this is a question you will have to ask them yourself. No one can tell you what is in anyones mind or why people do the things they do. It does not sound right to me. If you helped out so much around the house why they did this. It seems a bit unfair. I hope you can get the answers but no one on here will ever be able to give you the answer. You need to ask your mom and dad only they can tell you why.

Answer 9

seems to me that aslong as you were the "perfect daughter, slave, doormat" they were happy, but the minute you started to get your own life, it scared the shyte out of your parents who could see that they might lose control of you for good. Parents or not, it's great that you forgive them, I just wouldnt be putting my hand around their mouths if I suspected they might be hungry, night rip it right off from your shoulder. Love them but keep your distance. And for the record, I think that you were a lovely daughter and they blew it......

Answer 10

Perhaps they thought they were teaching u work ethic, but, from your description they sound like control freaks. But its time to forgive and move on.