Should i be the bigger person and talk to my father or wait??

Question

my father and i havent talked in a month and i refuse to call him until he makes me think he wants to talk to me. He just got married to this witch and has completely changed. He keeps trying to push that whole stepmother thing on me and i keep telling him that her and I's relationship will grow as time goes on. So he kept pushing it and i stopped going over there. I dunno what to do. I wanna have relationship with my father but i dont want to feel presurred when i go over there. He has my number.... and he still wont call.

Answer 1

You should be the bigger person and talk to your father. You should also invite him out to lunch or dinner, or even to your house, and have a long talk about the new developments in his life and now yours with his new marriage.

Doubtless your father is in love, and when people are in love, they tend to forget about the outside world and everyone else. It's like being dropped by a friend in high school or college who got a boyfriend or girlfriend and suddenly you were the odd person out. It hurts. There's no denying it.

You are absolutely right to say that the relationship will grow over time. My father remarried nearly 25 years ago. My mother died when I was 12, and he remarried when I was 16. It was hard, but he didn't push anything, and now I dearly love my stepmother. Of course it also helped that I only had two years to spend at home before going off to college, too. You sound like you are in a better situation because you seem to have your own place. That's a huge thing in your favor.

It's normal for you not to feel much of anything other than polite respect, maybe, for this woman who is quite definitely not your mother and who has replaced your mother. Nothing says you have to like or love a step-mother. If your father and she are wise, they won't push anything. Slowly, over time, you may find out things about each other and respect and possibly even like will grow. But you are wise to want to give it time.

Call him and invite him over. Tell him you want to talk about how things are going. Find a neutral place, like a park or restaurant, somewhere where you can say some blunt things and he won't yell or manipulate or make a scene. I think you have some boundaries to set. I understand that he wants you two to get along, but maybe he was just too enthusiastic. But then again I'm being generous; I don't know your dad, and you do!

Good luck. Cheers, K

Answer 2

Make the call. Ask him to meet you for coffee or dinner. Alone. Sit down with your dad privately, without step-mother around and just explain to him that his constant insistence on your complete acceptance of this woman you hardly know is driving you away.

Yes, definitely BE the bigger person. Give her a chance. Tell Dad you will give her a chance but to back off a little. Relationships don't materialize just because someone tells you they should. They take time, getting to know the person and a gradual acceptance. Now if he's trying to force her into the MOM role for you that is completely wrong. Whether your mom is living or dead you need to let him know you are not in the market for a new mom.

Give him a call. Make the effort. If it still doesn't work out after that at least you've tried! You've been the bigger person.

Answer 3

I agree this difficult for you, the letter sounds like the best thing to do Once you have put it all down on paper, then make the decision if you want to mail the letter, or make the call and see your father, privately and talk to him about it. Simply tell him you will be polite to your stepmother, but it will take a little more time for the relationship with her to grow. You do not say about your mother, was there a divorce of has she passed away? Either way there is grief in your heart. It is fair to give yourself some time, and do not call her any derogatory names especially not in front of your father.Take care Kris

Answer 4

Call him !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My father and I did not talk for 3 years.My daughter has a black boyfriend and two biracial sons my father made me make a choice between him and my daughter.2 years ago he died of cancer but he did not die before I could tell him that I never stop-ed loving him.I also took my 2 grandsons up to the hospital to meet there great-grandfather for the first time.So please don't let something as small as a stepmother stand in the way.You never know how long someone will be around.

Answer 5

stubborn people huh ! well there are only a couple of options, first remember your his son , respect your dads decision to marry this woman and call the game off or you could wait for him to call >> need I remind you life is short don't let any one stand in your way of having a great relationship with your dad ../// get on the phone right now you might not have another chance ..

Answer 6

He's sleeping with her, so she's a higher priority than you are.
If you don't get along with her, you probably won't see him for a while.
Things are not going to be what they were before.
At least call him once in a while. Try to see him without her. When you do see her, be polite to her.
If you maintain some connection and are polite to her, things may get better.

Answer 7

Be the bigger person..Call him for a casual conversation, you know a Hey HOW ARE YOU thing, and to let him know you are thinking of him and you Love him. Try to bridge the gap, family is important. tell him you are happy for him. Be a good listener and try to compromise. stay away from subjects you are not ready for, learn to control the conversation..Best wishes from a sincere heart.

Answer 8

You need to call him. You never know what is going to happen in the future, you may never have the oppurtunity later in life

Answer 9

call him and i agree with you about you and your step mother's relationship it will develop in time, the more he pressures you the more you will pull away

Answer 10

Well, write him a letter and explain how you really feel. And probably when you finish writing that letter you'll feel better too.