Why does our baby girl cry and scream with her father but calm down with me (mother)?

Question

She is fine with him in the morning before he goes to work but won't stay with him inthe evening without screaming. She is 2 1/2 months old.

Answer 1

I'm assuming Ur child spends the majority of her time with u. u r a stay at home mom maybe?. she has a much stronger bond with u right now because she is so dependent on u 4 all of her needs. u r obviously doing a great job. hang in there. things change so fast when they r that young, she will eventually gain her own bond with her father when she's ready.

Answer 2

This has a lot to do with her age. Read the following from an article about child development:

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"Developing Trust

Basic Trust vs. Basic Mistrust: Erikson’s first stage of social development (0 – 18 months)

-early experiences are critical for establishing intimate relationships
-children must develop a balance between trust and mistrust
-trust leads to hope, certainty, and predictability
-mistrust is important for establishing self-protection and self-reliance
-if mistrust predominates, the child will view the world as unfriendly, unpredictable and will have difficulty forming relationships

Developing Attachments (mutual-love and bonding)

Secure attachment - the result of affection, attention, responsiveness

Ainsworth (1964) found four overlapping stages of attachment during the first year:

0 - 2 months: infants respond to anyone
2 to 3 months: babies cry, smile, and babble more to the mother than anyone else
6 to 7 months: babies are primarily attached to mother
6 to 8 months: the fear of strangers may appear"

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It also has to do with the time of day. It is well known that babies, and even older children, are more tired, more wound up, less content during the hours surrounding the evening meal. The household is in an uproar... changes are taking place, etc. Babies are often fussy at that time.

If you'd like to read more from that page, the link is below.



I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 3

I think there are probably a lot of reasons.

1. If she's 2 1/2 months, then she's spent 80-90% of her "life" (from conception to now) in your belly. It was your voice she heard while she was swimming around in there. It was your heartbeat that she lived with. Some people even say that babies can detect temperatures and smells that are uniquely Mommy's. It's not that odd to imagine, then, that her favorite place to be would be in your arms, up against your body, and while she may just be crazy about Daddy, she's soothed by the familiarity of you.

2. At that young an age, it's highly likely she is overtired and overstimulated during the day. That it happens only in the evening makes me think that she's probably stressed. Almost all young infants have a period of time of crying or fussiness, and with both of mine, it was evening. She may already be stressed and upset, and if she's even a little less comfortable with Daddy than you, she could be crying over that.

3. If you're around her all day, that doubles the chances that she's soothed by you and not Daddy. While she could really enjoy him, familiarity is one of the few things she's very clear about at that age. While he's not a stranger, he's also not the one she wants to be with.

4. He may be less than comfortable holding her. My husband would look so awkward when he was holding the boys when they were infants, that they could tell that, and it affected their security. It seems strange to us (we usually have things pretty routine, holding the baby while cooking and talking on the phone by the time she's 2 months old), but if he's uncomfortable (physically or mentally), it could affect her. Like dogs, infants can smell fear. Fear may be too strong a word, but you get the drift. When she cries, it only adds to the problem, because dealing with a crying baby is one of the most stressful things an adult can do (this has been tested. The sound of a baby crying is - I think - the #1 stressful sound for adults). So if this is the issue, his awkwardness is causing her to cry, which is causing him to be more awkward, and it's a loud, stressful cycle.

Two options:

Work through it. Let him work his way into her evening time. Maybe let him play with her on the floor or with her in a bouncy seat or infant seat, and as she grows more used to him that way, he can work in the physical touch until she feels comfortable being in his arms. Be careful, though, because if it's too hard on her and she still screams, that would be feeding the flame.
OR
Give in. For the time being, if her fussy time is in the evening, do what you have to do to get the crying to stop (or slow down). Normally, with an infant of around 6 months or longer, I wouldn't recommend that, because it could cause some habits you don't want to introduce. However, at this young an age, she's still getting used to how things work. It's a big world out there, even in the confines of her relatively small home. Cuddle her or whatever, assure your husband that it's not personal (that seems like it should be a given, but it's possible to get the idea that she doesn't "like" him), and it will most likely pass like all normal phases do. It may help along the way for you to hold her, but to sit close to her Daddy, so that she's near him, can smell him, and can listen to him, basically growing a familiarity with him.

If you think it's caused in part by evening-time fussiness, re-evaluate her naptime. Maybe if you can move her to a naptime that allows her to be up for around 30 minutes to an hour before he gets home (more would make her tired sooner, less may keep her from being in a good alert time), she'll be able to calm down more in the evenings.

Either way, it will pass. It's really hard right now, but that phase of being fussy in the evening will pass, and before long, the stress she feels that's brought on by unfamiliarity will change to excitement she'll feel with the novelty of DADDY BEING HOME!

Good luck! This, too, will pass. :-)

Answer 4

At that age, it's perfectly normal. She just wants her mommy. It can be hard since you could probably use a break in the evening to eat or shower or just relax. All three of my kids were the same way. She'll probably outgrow that in a few months. My youngest is 15 months now and for months she's been delighted when Daddy comes home!

Answer 5

Well I think that is because she is up and awake in the morning, at night its more so (although i know it could be anytime of day) sleep time, and thats a calming time. A mother has a natural closesness to it children as the chid spends 9 months in their stomachs, so that builds the relationship where when its calm time baby favors the mother?

Answer 6

Babies are generally fussier at night than in the morning. So at that point she just wants to be with the person she loves the most in the world. Whether you or your husband like it or not, that person is you. Yay, moms! Are you breastfeeding? Babies have an incredible ability to smell breast milk, so that might be part of it, too. She associates breastfeeding with comfort and she smells you and knows you're the one who feeds her. It will pass; don't let it hurt your husband's feelings. Your daughter will go through plenty of stages when he's her favorite and you don't get the time of day from her!

Answer 7

She feels more connected to you because you care for her very much. I actually had the exact problem, but I no longer have that problem. My daughter is now almost 5 months old, and she likes to spend time with us both. I usually do all her feedings, changings, and hanging out with her during the day now, so she just feels a little bit more comfortable with her mother, I love it, but at the same time, I don't because I need some time to myself!! Good luck, but it will definitely get better!

Answer 8

It's natural that children have a closer bond with the mother than the father. It is seen all over the animal kingdom and recorded throughout human history.

Answer 9

maybe she is not yet used to him. seemingly in that early age she can able to recognize everyone around her.

u can try this:

1. tell your hubby to have a special song or lullaby that he can only sing to your baby. this way she will recogize him in it. its like its his signature song. she will sure calm down.

2.tell your husband to talk to her as much as possible.

3. babies can feel if you are stressed. yah its true. ask your husband if he is.

4. or check/ analyze the baby why is she acting like that? maybe she is sleepy but seems that her father still want her awake (playing etc). that is stressing right?

hope this will help you and your husband. i know the joy of having a baby. and it is really sad to see that two most important people in your life seems not to be comfortable to each other.

dont be frustrated.

Answer 10

babies evolved to need their mothers. daddy's a nice loving prescence in the morning, but in the evening, after all her stimulation, she wants her safe base, mommy.

the baby's brain floods with stress hormones when she is not with mommy. evolution has taught her she's not safe without mommy.