Am I being irrational?

Question

I moved very far from home last year and it seems like nearly everyone in the place I live now is either passive aggressive, cold, or insane. I have a small group of friends here that are really fun-its just normal interactions with the public that have me down. Driving, going to the grocery store, the people in my classes...it just seems like everyone here is passive agressive, distant, or cold-and sometimes all three. I am from the south, and I just don't ever remember dealing with being so angry and frustrated all the time. I really like what I am studying and my job. I don't know-some times I feel like running away to the middle of nowhere so I don't have to be bothered with talking to anyone, driving anywhere, etc. I can't be the only sane one here...so that leaves the alternative...that I'm actually the crazy one. I don't have money to for therapy, but sometimes I wish I could pop some pill so I'm not so frustrated all the time.

Answer 1

You aren't being irrational. The world is a different place than it was even ten years ago. We are answering voice mail at home and at work, answering email at home and at work, meeting the demands of a job in order to keep the job in a bad job market, trying to meet all of our financial responsibilities, maintaining friendships and family ties, physically paying our bills, grocery shopping, cooking dinner, making lunch for work, cleaning the place we live in, etc. It's too much!

If you moved far from home, it is possible the culture is different. This doesn't mean you have to adapt to this new culture -- it means that you need to carve out some time for yourself, even if the people around you are going crazy, trying to keep up with the Joneses!

Why don't you take a meditation or yoga class, where silence and introspection are respected? You would only need to take one class (8 weeks or whatever) and then you could use the technique to relax at home. Once you have learned how to tune things out, you will be "trained" and can use it at work (on break) and at home, or even in the doctor's office.

Medication is not the answer to a busy lifestyle. Try and cut out some of the things you are doing - and maybe make some friends who are not on the fast track.

You could even start a "club" on Craigslist for a group of people who feel the same way you do. You could make a lot of friends by starting the group - and either meeting at one another's homes or meeting at a coffee house.

Good luck! There are many who feel the same way you do. I am one of them.

Answer 2

It sounds like you're feeling exactly what I felt when I moved to a foreign country. I loved so many things about it - the food, my classes, the general ambiance - and I met some amazing people. But I also felt really depressed. No one would hold the door for me, and if I did it for them, they wouldn't even acknowledge me. No one said hello on the streetcars, even though everyone took public transit. I got so frustrated that I just wanted to leave.

I really think it is a difference in culture. I've heard, for example that people in the south (I'm from the North) of the U.S. are very extroverted (as a generality), always talking to strangers. In fact, when I was recently in South Carolina, some lady sat down at my table in a restaurant to ask me how I liked the city! People in the Midwest are thought off as being nice, honest, but more reserved. And people in the Northeast have a reputation for being short-tempered, too honest, and not interested in making friends out of people on the street. While I'm sure a lot of that is stereotype - it probably has some basis in fact.

Maybe it will just take you a little longer to adjust - or maybe you should surround yourself with true friends who care about you, and forget about the rest!

Also, if you need to talk to someone - there is almost always a hotline or free clinic in your area. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you aer sensitive you will find that 90% of the people you meet will be passive agressive. Look at the pressures of our world! Why wouldn't passive agressive be the order of the day? Look at the heirarchy of right and wrong and then how it conflicts with the heirarchy of power privilidge and prestige? What do you expect? Look at how we do our politics! Look at capitalization, business for profit! Look at creation, good and evil! But if you really want to get serious in this illusion we call life, for what passion would that be worthy? Perhaps people are afraid to get serious, because they deep down know that they don't have all the answers and don't want to look stupid? Fear of failure. Fear of creating an illusion that they are not good enough eventually, so hedging their communication to a tricky behavior that defends them from the serious ones....like you perhaps? If you want somebody to get serious, then you have to be prepared to be serious with them first, then maybe, if they are mature enough for it, you might just get it.

Answer 4

myself being a lifelong resident of the Big CrApple, I appreciate your remarks... while there is never a valid reason for rudeness, people in NY very often are hassled and harried and ready to weep... crowds, prices, circumstances beyond our control, and all that besides our personal issues and situations... we have been voted in various places as the "most friendly city" and I do believe we welcome our tourists well but if you are a resident, all bets are off. I agree with one writer who feared that, the longer you remained in the environment, the more likely that 'tude would rub off on you...

stay true to yourself and your values...... let you pill be a warm bubble bath at the end of the day and staying in touch with the folks back home who share your views and values

May the Force be with you :-D

Answer 5

Well I don't know where you moved to, but sounds like you're in a big city. What you're describing is pretty typical in very urban places. It sucks but you'll eventually learn to ignore it....or worse, you'll start acting the same way! And sometimes being friendly to those people can really throw them off, but it can melt the ice too. Just enjoy & focus on the good things you do have in your life.

Answer 6

My friend is up north. Been there for several years. "says the same thing. I have cousins from up north, and it's true, I know what you're talking about. There is a coldness. That's why people like it down here. We treat people like company. You may have to come back home...

Answer 7

I moved from the south to further north in the recent past and had the same experience. It is different. I will be honest. It made me so upset, I moved back home. You are not irrational. There is just no place like home.

Answer 8

DID YOU MOVE TO THE NORTH!!!???


if so all I can say is that we are like that. The south is diffrent. Just because we dont hang all over each other and smile like there is not tomorrow doesn't mean we are angry. We just keep out feelings and affections to ourselves.
many southerns notice it. Heres the thing, just be nice adn genuinely open, be kind and take initiative to be nice.
that's it.
any other problems, just email me!!
=D

Answer 9

You're doing fine. Everybody acts that way because everybodys got crap to deal with. It's important to find humor in these situations.

Answer 10

take it from one who knows, it is far better to have a few good friends, than to have a bunch of people hanging on your arm with hidden agendas. think about it.
andrews