Why is it so bad to ask how many partners your b/f or g/f have been with?

Question

In the time of AIDS and STD'S why is this subject still taboo. A number of my friends wont even ask their significant other because they don't want to offend them.

Answer 1

You're absolutely right - it does come down to the old taboos, but also most people will lie if asked this question. Personally, i would tend to err on the side of caution, especially with a new partner and use condoms to be very sure i'm taking responsibility for my own health. I always assume that people might be less than truthful about their sexual past. too many people have been diagnosed HIV positive or with Aids who wish they had only gotten over their embarrassment and asked the right questions or taken responsibility for ther own sexual safety.

Answer 2

Ok, imagine that you meet the perfect person-they look great, smell great, act great. Your parents love them and you love them...then you ask that question. "well, I got a little crazy in college after a bad break up, but now I want to settle down" is the response. How do you think you would react to the fact that they had 20...50...100 partners before? That is why it is a taboo question.

How do you solve the AIDS/STD dilemma is inevitably the question raised. Ask the RIGHT questions is the answer to said question.

When was the last time you had sex?
If it was less than 6 months, you have the right to ask "when was the last time you had a (and this is the key point here) STD/AIDS test.

Yes, the number counts, but it's not the number of partners. It's the number on months since the test. HIV can show up negative for up to 6 months after being infected. Other STD's have evidence that will show up anywhere from hours to a few weeks after being infected.

Lesson-ask the right questions, judge what you are willing to risk, practice protected (condoms, not birthcontrol) sex until you feel safe or longer.

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with knowing about your partner's past relationships. However, there needs to be a sense of trust and respect between you and your partner for you to know about each other's past relationships. For example, my mother found out that my father had a lot of girlfriends when he was single (and she even got to meet most of them in her lifetime), and my dad found out that my mother's had no b/f's in the past because her parents were extremely conservative and because she was really young when she married. However, it took time for those two to develop that kind of trust and such a question is best to be held off when you two are married.
As for the issue of AIDS and STD's, this is precisely why couples should never have premarital sex. A boyfriend and his girlfriend shouldn't have sex in the first place, no matter how great or bad the circumstances in their relationships are. If you truly love your b/f and he truly loves you, then why not marry before having sex? But then that brings up the question as to when will you know that ___________ has an STD? In the United States (as well as several other countries), the law requires that a couple that is applying for a marriage license must take certain blood tests. This is done to see if their genetic makeup would cause their offspring to develop some rare disease (as is the case of brothers or cousins that marry) and TO SEE IF EITHER PARTNER HAS A DISEASE, including a sexually transmitted disease. Partners have the right to see each other's results by law, but depending on the discretion of the respective person who took the exam. This is when you'd put an ultimatum to your engaged boyfriend: either he lets you see his blood results or you assume the worst-case scenario (like that he has all sorts of STD's that he doesn't want you to know about) and you dump him regardless of how long your relationship with him was. He's not going to be stupid enough to throw away a great relationship with you (especially considering that your wedding day would be around the corner) over some test results, so he'd definitely let you see them. However, if he doesn't let you see them, then he clearly has something serious to hide and he doesn't even trust and respect you enough to let you know what his test results say. A relationship without trust and respect is one that will not last very long, so you shouldn't feel bad about dumping him in that scenario.

Answer 4

the way to ask is to ask when they were last tested. that is more important than the number of partners that you have been with. there are some people that are only with a couple of people but they have an std or there are people who are with multiple partners and do not have any stds. there is nothing to worry about getting testing. if there is something positive it is actually better to know earlier than later, the later the harder to treat. also just because both people get testing and both are negative you still need to use protection.
i have gone with a bf and i can say that it was really cool to go together both wait for the results together so that you do not feel alone in the wait. also the advantage if there is something positive then you will have less people to call and tell you get tested if you get tested often.

Answer 5

Can you really trust a person to tell you the truth if you ask them? Some people will lie and tell you a low number when actually it is a lot of people. The best way is to seek medical testing (if your partner agrees) before you take the next step. If your partner refuses, maybe there is something to hide. This way is hard but it is the most accurate. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

I feel you have the right to know if your bf / gf has any sympotms or has AIDS or STDs. That is always the right of the other person..if you ask. Always protect yourself until you know the facts and are ready to take the leap. The amount of partners doesn't matter as long as you get the facts about the AIDS or STDs.

Answer 7

in this day and age
people should have it all written down on paper with address and telephone number and doctors names and all
this is the only way to go...talking about Aids and all people should get smart...OH but if everyone does this..then a lot of people including real young people will not be getting any..because a lot of people including the young have Herpes , AIDS, WARTS, and so many other transferable STDs..if we had to keep book on it all...no one would be getting any, because you all would see how many actually have stuff and giving it to others, and these NEW people who get their new STD may not know for a year or more, but they give it to others for that time..
ask them to get tested before you do anything ..tell them you want to see the paper from the doctors office or forget it...
good luck ..and luck yo all of you..

Answer 8

You could be leaving yourself open to a huge shock/heartache if they actually told you the approx number, but also in this day and age of STD's which can kill and spread like wild fire, I think that blood tests should be asked for from wither person just to put at rest the worry some people might have lurking at the back of their minds.

Answer 9

forget offending them if u really care about the person then u trust them and i mean in all honesty do you really want to know i mean in this day and age casual sex is the in thing for most people and everyone that your partner has slept with you are sleeping with too and everyone that their partners have been with i mean that is scary as hell that is why i need to see proof of an std test before i will sleep with a new bf i mean really in this day and age you can never be too cautious but i really dont wanna know who he has all been with i just wanna be sure that he is clean

Answer 10

It is not bad to ask the question, in fact it is responsible; HOWEVER, no one ever tells the truth when answering.
If it is a girl answering she will always give a number that is lower than the real number. Add 20% to whatever she says. A guy will always give a number larger than the real facts. Subtract 50% from the guys answer.
(The answers are in the math.)