My boss is male and is naturally flirtatious (I think). He started out by hanging out just a little longer each time at my desk, then went to putting his hand on my back to help me out of a chair, now hugs! I think it is far enough but I don't want to sue the guy or anything because I like my job. How do you nicely tell someone to back up a bit? The guy is very attractive, I'll admit, but he is also married and I know I would not want my husband hugging other women he works with.
2006-10-17 12:10:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
I had a similar experience. My boss was touchy feely guy, but not in "bad" places, he would put his arm around me, touch my arms shoulders etc. And I felt uncomfortable, I asked to speak with him privately and just explained how uncomfortable I felt when he touched me. He was rather surprised when I told him that, he said he never realized what he was doing and he meant nothing by it. His family was very huggy and touchy, he apologized and we never had another problem. Good Luck KG
2006-10-17 12:22:47 · answer #1 · answered by kgreives 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There is no nice or comfortable way to tell someone to 'back up a bit'. How much is a bit? He needs to back right off! Hugs are inappropriate in the workplace, especially from someone who is in a position of authority, and it seems the situation has escalated. You're in trouble gal, and you need professional advice. And another thought - you may like your job, but now that the situation has gone as far as 'hugging', there is no real way to retrieve a position of professionalism, without creating some discomfort and a bit of an atmosphere. Any assertiveness on your part now, is going to create some difficulty for you.
2006-10-17 12:20:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with Cherry Pie. Assert yourself. Get up on your own, shrug his hand off your back and be up before he can "help" you. When he tries to hug you, put a stiff arm out. Just let him know quietly and discreetly that you would prefer he takes his attention elsewhere and that you are uncomfortable with it. Note the day/time/who was present/etc. when this happens. Also start keeping a log. If he sees you writing in it, that might be the big hint that he needs to keep his hands off you. If being discreet doesn't work, then I'd casually mention that it could be construed as sexual harrassment. Be prepared for some fall out though. Men in power do not like being turned down. I wish you the best of luck!!
2006-10-17 12:24:53 · answer #3 · answered by Chris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yuck what a hassle for you to have to deal with! If he goes to hug you again just say that you don't feel comfortable with that. You do not have to put up with this. Any unwanted physical touch that makes you feel uncomfortable is way out of line and should be considered harassment.
Try to never be alone with the guy if possible.
If you don't say anything he may assume that you like this type of touch, and it could lead to further harassment.
Also you can ask him about his wife and family and talk about your husband and family. Maybe that is a way you can let him know that he needs to keep his hugs for his home and not his office
Also ,"Grumpiest Man on Earth" had a really good point about going to your human resource department to clue them in on what is going on.
2006-10-17 12:19:13 · answer #4 · answered by redeemed 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Confidentially, meet with your boss and let him know that his attentions toward you have become uncomfortable. Let him know that as a married woman you wouldn't want any rumors to start in the office about you and you're sure as a married man he would feel the same. Even if he is lecherous, since he's your boss, try to make it advantageous to him to quit. If that doesn't work, you can get more assertive and let him know your next step will be reporting him to your Human Resources dept.
2006-10-17 13:20:32 · answer #5 · answered by Curious George 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him. When he puts his hands on you or hugs you just say"that really makes me feel funny when you do that" or like my kids say "please stop now, you are in my space" He's a boss not a family member, he should never make you feel uneasy.As long as he gets away with the touchy stuff the more he will do. You are an adult and so is he.If he fires you for defending yourself, then geta lawyer........
2006-10-18 11:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
These actions can be construed as sexual harassment. No touching! My best advice is to tell him nicely that you do not appreciate the touching. Please back off. If he persists, contact your Human Resources Dept. Document everything- all the touching, what he says and how he reacts to what you tell him. This should not be tolerated. The boss should know better.
2006-10-17 12:26:40 · answer #7 · answered by Malika 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This could lead to harrassment. Just tell him you are uncomfortable with being touched. or perhaps he will get the hint if you back away slightly the next time he gets too close. Then you won't even have to say anything.
2006-10-17 19:37:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
H.R. has some really good information about sexual harrasment; bring this to their attention right now, you don't know how far your boss wants to get so it will be better if you stop this immediately before many people get affected by this misleading behaviour.
2006-10-17 12:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best response for a flirty boss is an EEOC complaint for sexual harassment.
2006-10-17 13:39:49 · answer #10 · answered by Harvie Ruth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋