Here's the situation - I've been dating this guy for about a year and a half. Things were alright while we had seperate places. I experienced medical problems with massive bills and he talked me into moving in with him a few months ago to keep me financial above water. Now I'm miserable. It doesn't feel like I'm his girlfriend/mate, it feels like I'm his mother and/or maid. I've discussed this with him on a couple of occasions and he said he would make a conscious effort to help out, but it just seems to get worse. He is free to come and go as he pleases, but asks me 1000 every time I leave the house. How do I end this easily? I'm really not looking for a huge blow-out, I just want to walk away.
2006-10-17 11:51:40 · 11 answers · asked by ladygodiva0220 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I'm stuck in this town 3 hours away from any family b/c of my great job. I can't just pick up and move back home.
2006-10-17 11:57:22 · update #1
plus all the furniture is pretty much mine...
2006-10-17 12:15:15 · update #2
Sounds like you have two issues, dear: moving into your own place and leaving the relationship.
He doesn't sound like a bad fellow. He does sound like a terrible housekeeper. What you call mother/maid is defined as "wife" in this country.
Look around you at how many relationships stay together for Love. They just crumble at an alarming rate.
The problem is that couples do not know how to be friends. Friendship implies trust and respect. This is the foundation for long term realtionships. The "in love" feeling ebbs and flows. The freindship is the core.
I suspect that moving is not a good financial thing for you. So, would it be possible to get this on a friendship basis?
Speak to other people with respect. Respond to what they have to say. Do not react. Take a breath, think of what you want to say and say it calmly and respectfully. You are teaching respect. If someone disrespects you then you can say,"Name, I do not speak to you like that.....Why would you speak to me that way?"
This teaches respect.
Sit down and talk to your young man. Tell him that you need to take a break. Everything you've been through has been a lot. Tell him about all the good things you know about him. Have a list of what you want to request. Ask him for some space and time. You need time for healing just for yourself. (See if you can have your own bedroom.) Separate your finances as much as possilbe. Make responsible decisions that lead to your independence. Find your path.
Treat him with courtesy. Do let him know what time you'll be back when you go out. If he begins to repeat himself just say, "I just answered that question. Can you tell me what I said?" And have him tell you what you said. He should stop.
You can't manipulate his behaviors. You can influence them. You are going to do the cleaning if you want the place clean, and you are going to do the cooking, too. What you can do is have him take out the trash. Just go, "Name, can you take the trash out now?" And leave it at that. If he doesn't , he doesn't. He should pay so you guys can order in on like, Friday and Saturday and maybe one night during he week. (He's not going to cook.) See where you can catch your break. (I get mine with the ordering in. He usually pays most if not all. Sometimes I kick in the tip.)
Step back, find your path, try to maintain consistency for now, and follow through. Advise yourself as if you were your own best friend. His possessive behaviors should ease up if he knows you have a plan that doesn't tear him up financially and emotionally. Breathe. Teach him about the person you are becoming. (See: Respect.)
Teachers are calm, gentle, and firm in their resolve. Be the Teacher.
2006-10-17 12:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First find a new place with out telling him, get that all set before you do anything. Then pack your stuff and move it out. It doesn't sound like you are the least bit interested in him anymore. Make sure you give him some money for rent and whatnot so that is not and issue and just tell him you need to leave, because it's just not working out. There is really nothing easy about breaking something off
2006-10-17 11:56:16 · answer #2 · answered by Beeper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just slip out the back Jack, make a new plan Sam, you don't need a decoy Roy, just listen to me....Hop on a bus Gus, you don't need to discuss much, just drop off the key Lee, and get yourself free......If you have some place else to go, then wait until he goes to work and GET OUT!! Call him on the phone that night after your out of the house and set some ground rules as to how he needs to go on about his life and business and leave you alone. I don't think you should hang out with him until you know for sure that he is over it, if ever. Be careful and be smart.
Addendum....Then you are going to have to get your own place and possibly a roommate, and or take out a loan to pay off your bills in order to afford your own place, and or just get your own place still within the vacinity of your great job and make arrangements with your creditors to pay as little as possble so you can get your own place and still move out when he is not home and make sure you have a big guy be it a relative or friend to help you move out. Somebody has to put the fear of God into this dude to make sure he doesn't bother you.
2006-10-17 11:59:05 · answer #3 · answered by Honeygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Write him a card tell him thank you for all the help he has given you and how much you appriciated
and now you must end it because no matter how you feel a him things are not working out
and if he ever need you please know that you will do your best to help
----
and walk away before he get home
I know this is a coward way to leave but in your case I think that it is a good way
Good luck
2006-10-17 12:00:39 · answer #4 · answered by waiting for baby 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first I would find someplace else to live and then start moving your stuff out little by little. Leave the stuff you don't need behind, cut your losses cause breaking up is never easy to do. when your all set up elsewhere then leave him a note, and the keys to his place and walk out.
I wouldn't leave a forwarding address if you know what I mean.
2006-10-17 12:00:00 · answer #5 · answered by talk4now2006 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing to do is tell him you are leaving and that you will not fight about it your mind is made up and that you would like to remain friends and if he yells just sit quietly and listen to him then when you get a word in let it be i told you i wont fight about this, and stick to your guns no matter what he does and says. make sure to keep your cool, and start packing in front of him so he will get that you are indeed leaving...keep calm! that is the key
2006-10-17 11:58:27 · answer #6 · answered by seilygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Totally agree with drsteve! This isn't rocket science, girl. This is what keeps social services in business. SEEK HELP! If you need financial assistance go to family, your church etc.! ( or social services!)
Get away from this guy. You're not married to him so it's not that hard. Pack your bags and go. Exit .....
2006-10-17 12:02:52 · answer #7 · answered by ursaitaliano70 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats good then maybe its better to leave while you have a friendship, so if you explain that to him,maybe it will come easy,,its better to be friends you will feel better,explain that you need your space but you still care you just need time?
2006-10-17 11:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by GOOCH 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello McFly! *knocking on your forehead*
Anyone home? Think McFly think!
Get the f-u-c-k away! Just leave!
2006-10-17 11:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by drsteve362005 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you shouldnt have to make up an excuse just go . be thankful i went out with someone like that now im stuck i married him!!if you do go take me please.....
2006-10-17 11:58:22 · answer #10 · answered by smiler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋