he saw a little girl walking in his direction. he quickly covered his private parts with a newspaper that he was reading. the girls walks up to him and asks: "what do you have under there?" and the man responds: "oh, nothing. it's just a birdie." the girl walks on and the man falls asleep. as he wakes up, he finds himself on a hospital bed in great pain. the police wanted to know what had happened and the guy answers: " i duno. i was laying on the beach when this girl walks up to me and starts asking me about my privates... next thing i know i woke up here". the police goes to the beach and finds the girl playing. the officers ask the girl: "what have you done to the man that was naked?" after a short pause, the girl responds: "to the man? nothing. i was playing with the birdie, but it spit on me. so, i twisted its neck, smashed its two eggs and torched its nest!"
2006-10-17 11:24:03 · 21 answers · asked by jqdsilva 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Ouch! That must hurt.
2006-10-17 11:33:47 · answer #1 · answered by Monklin! 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Halloween isn't here yet, but here is a joke to get the mood going.
A man was walking home alone late one foggy night,
when behind him he hears:
!
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog h e makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything,
but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
(hopefully you're ready for this!!!)
The coffin stops
2006-10-17 18:40:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Bathroom Etiquette
Michael, If you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young?lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the rest room?" the?teacher asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.
The teacher replied,"That would be rude and impolite.
What about you? Paul, how would you say it?
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."
"And you Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners."
I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
2006-10-17 18:33:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I don't even have a nest with two eggs but that made me say OOOWWWCH!
lol
2006-10-17 18:26:06 · answer #4 · answered by MissJ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've heard a different version but I think this version is more funny!!!!
2006-10-17 18:32:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
why did the nude guy go to the hospital?
2006-10-17 19:21:12 · answer #6 · answered by darmax 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ima guy and hearing that happen to another guy first i said oww then i started laughing
2006-10-17 18:44:08 · answer #7 · answered by padreperson1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
is she blind or something!? and why does she have something to "torch its nest" with? still, very funny
2006-10-17 18:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by Ellis S 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That was a really good joke, made my day :)
2006-10-17 18:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by dahorndogd013 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
that's a bit nasty
funny though
2006-10-18 06:48:01 · answer #10 · answered by ngbreeca 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋