I am semi-seeing a guy for a month We hang out about once a week and he comes to my apartment afterwards, but no sex. I have issues about sex due to certain things when I was younger, but I didn't tell him. I just told him I never want sex. (I'm 20--he's 23.)
He asks me what I wants, and I don't know. He says "you really don't know, do you?"
We both semi-recently got out of long term relationships. He told me was dating a psycho girl who in his second date, he told her he didnt want a relationship. She got naked and tried to have sex with him, and he had to kick her out of her apartment.
I do like him,b ut I don't know if I want to go further, as in a relationship for various reasons:
1) He told me he's not looking for a relationship, but he keeps asking me to tell him what I want...which doesn't make sense to me.
2) I have issues about sex, and he's a very sexual person.
3) I'm not sure what he wants from me.
What do you think he wants to know from me?
2006-10-17 11:21:59 · 18 answers · asked by wondering why 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sorry, I meant he kicked her out of his apartment when she tried to have sex with him...
2006-10-17 11:22:20 · update #1
Poster 1; It's from molestation. Stop being an asshole.
Serious answers please.
2006-10-17 11:25:09 · update #2
I already told him I didn't have sex and had issues with it. He never forced me or anything.
Trust me, he's actually really hot and gets a lot of girls. But he likes challenging ones, he tells me...except my challenging nature is due to psychological problems I can't control.
2006-10-17 11:26:49 · update #3
Your first mistake bringing him to your apt. that is open season for him to entice you ..he wants to know what you want????he is talking about other ways to satisfy you without going all the way..he does not seem to get it ,what ever happened to you is your bussiness and he needs to respect that so just tell him sex in any shape or form is out respect me or get out..do not bring him to your apt go for coffee sureilll
2006-10-17 11:32:35 · answer #1 · answered by COOKIE 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if he says he doesn't want a relationship and yet asks what you want.. it could be that he's afraid that if he does say he does want a relationship, that may not be what you're looking for and he would feel rejected. Tell him what you want.. A relationship, a jus a friend?
If he really is not looking for a relationship and he is a very sexual person.. and you are not willing to have sex with him, i'm sorry to say, then there would be very little point in you two staying with each other. Think about what you want and take a deep breath ... and spill the beans... just be honest with yourself and let him know... he may leave.. he may stay... but it's better to find out now before you really begin to have feelings for him.
Good luck.
2006-10-17 18:27:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you say you have sex issues, and sounds like an abuse situation. you won't be able to be in any relationship if you don't deal with these issues. counseling can help.
i would guess that not knowing what you want (relationship, sex, etc.) is causing him to beat around the bush. you're not sure what he wants cause he isn't sure what he wants. being young he probably goes with the flow of what you say...which isn't much. he may be inhibited about saying what he really wants cause he doesn't know if you're feeling the same...and he sounds like he doesn't want to move too fast cause you might freak! when he says "you don't know{what you want}, do you?"
he is trying to get you to open up. a guy wanting just sex wouldn't waste any more time with you. hanging out for a while longer is a good idea. give him a chance to get to know you, and you him. if you have a trusting friendship, then maybe you will open up about your past, and his response will be the judge.
i strongly recommend talking to someone about your past. like i said, he could be Mr. Right, but until you're right within yourself and can trust, no relationship will be easy or work.
2006-10-17 18:44:43 · answer #3 · answered by ididElvis 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
theres nothing wrong with not wanting sex, we should hook up. I'm only kidding, anyway the answer to your question is that he likes you too. He asks what you want so he knows whether or not he should look else were. He obviously sees the wall you put up and is debating if he should break through it or move on. What he asks of you shouldn't be that hard to answer, you know what you want. So decide and let him know, dont keep him hanging or you will find that he is gone.
2006-10-17 18:31:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he asks you want you want, he's looking for a way to get closer.
He probably doesn't believe you that you never want sex (men are very slow that way, trust me I am one). He's interested enough in you to want to learn more and respects you enough to take it slowly.
He's attracted to you sexually but the overhead and obligations of a new relationship don't appeal.
However, if you're uninterested in sex and he is highly sexed, then trouble awaits, unless you address that issue head on.
That's my reading of the tea leaves - how did I do?
2006-10-17 18:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by JM 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is curious that he is clear that he does not want a relationship, but not clear as to what his intention is?
Next time, he asks what do you want? Ask him what does he want? If it is not a relationship, I guess he may be looking for physical contact without the relationship. People do it, but if you already need to work out sexual issues, it would be safer for you to pass for now.
2006-10-17 18:29:02 · answer #6 · answered by Serendipity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes being a little too dramativ about sex. i totally love that you dont do it w/out a commitment. That is great dont change that. You are special because u feel and think that way. Dont bother with this guy who doesnt respect that about you. Wait and you will find that perfect guy for you.
2006-10-17 18:27:48 · answer #7 · answered by le_le_06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear you just wrote a list that makes me believe this is not a good situation for your right now. have you been under any advisement professional for the trauma yet .. be patient and loving to your self and please stay far away from ambivalent men who seem out after one thing right away...try cultivating relationships with men that have shown they are trust worthy and will take their time trying to get to know you inside and that are consistat in calling you listening to you, and are constisantly genuine ,,,please for your sake sex can be beautiful when its with the right person ... see a counselor be well and have a beautiful heart felt passion with a good man.........bless u
2006-10-21 12:28:53 · answer #8 · answered by dancfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him about your sex hangups. He will never understand until you tell him. He's a guy and he wants to have sex with you. If you don't intend to ever have sex with him then you need to be up front and tell him. If you don't know what you want then don't do anything.
2006-10-17 18:25:55 · answer #9 · answered by *Cara* 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well he's being repectful of your feelings and it sounds like he wants to be your friend because he's not pushing the issue with having sex with you.he wants you to be honest with him and tell him about your feelings.nothing wrong with that.if you had a bad expierience and are scared to talk to him,tell him that.be honeat with him and see what happens.probably and hopfully all he wants from you is the real you.good luck. hi i'm scotty
2006-10-17 18:28:37 · answer #10 · answered by tlmesmthggd 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋