What should I do? Should I go see someone?

Question

I feel so dark. My heart (physical and mentally) feels heavy and black, as if it's decayed. I don't like who I am, I feel like a cruel person and someone who is very horrible. I feel lonely and think I drive people away and I find it hard not to text constantly until I get an answer. I hate rejection, being ignored. Have I got some sort of "horrible personality" disorder or something. I have been to a psychiatrist before, but felt I couldn't open up, this was a year/two ago. I have been depressed and self harming for three years and have attempted suicide a few times. I feel suicidal at the moment but don't think I have the courage to speak using my mouth to someone. I can only really open up when writing or typing.

Also, do you think I have a personality disorder?

Answer 1

It is very possible you have a personality disorder, depression or just severely low self-esteem. But, you need to seek the help of a professional. I know speaking with someone can be very difficult, but you should give it a try. You obviously want help. You should write your feelings & thoughts down & bring them with you to your sessions. With time, I think you will find that you are able to open up. Also, there are various online mental health services & sites. Run a search. One site you might try is psychcentral.com where you can ask (type) questions to therapists. Also, remember that suicide is a very serious action & the after effects are devistating to the ones left behind. It is a permantent solution to a temorary problem. I wish you much luck. I hope that you find the help you are looking for.

Answer 2

You sound articulate and able to communicate your emotions very well, so I don't think you have a personality disorder. I think you are just going through a hard time and in need of help.

If you don't feel like you can open up to someone in person, it might help to call a hotline. You'd still be using your mouth, but it might be easier than talking in person. I don't think you can get the help you need from a counselor by writing or typing.

This is a hotline for young people - I don't know how old you are - but it is a 24-hour line with counselors that listen and help with any issue. 1-800-448-3000.

If you are an adult, call this number: 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-SUICIDE). They will connect you to a suicide hotline in your area. Also 1-800-273-TALK - this is THE national suicide hotline, run by the US Department of Health and Human Services.

Thanks for asking for help. It was a good instinct - stick with it. Help is coming.

Answer 3

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Answer 4

There are many people working in mental health who will let you start out by reading what you have written for them. You can work into speaking when you are ready. I think you would benefit from something like this. Check for community mental services in your area. If you do not find a person who meets your needs ask for another or try somewhere else. The important thing is to find the person who will meet your needs not theirs. Good luck

Answer 5

It may take a while for you to trust and open up to your psychologist.. you might want to try going to them again..

I dun think you have horrible personality or anything. You are likely to just be suffering from low self esteem and maybe a little depressed.

I dun think you are very sick.. likely to be able to go back to the happy you easily. I had a friend who was very much like yourself few years back. He made a decision to become happy and is very happy with life right now :)

Good luck!

Answer 6

Nobody can tell what's the underlying cause of your problem except yourself. If you have difficulty opening up to a psychiatrist, try seeking hypno-therapy instead. The hypnotist will help you unlock your deepest fear and teach you a new way of approaching your problems. Take care and good luck!

Answer 7

If writing helps you then by all means start writing every thing down. There are all kinds of self help and some times that is the only way to start getting help. You probably still need to seek some professional help. ASAP

Answer 8

Try seeing someone else. Psychologist or psychiatrists aren't perfect for everyone, you have to go and find one that fits you. One that you are comfortable talking to and telling your secrets to.
Please do not give up on life, there's always something around the corner that you can't expect.
If you cannot open up to psychiatrist, maybe buy a self help book. Or go to DrPhil.com. I know it sounds cheesy, but please try to help yourself before hurting yourself.
You're obviously hurting. It's time to do something about it.
Much love and best of luck.

Answer 9

well maybe u could email this to a psychiatrist