I've got a great girlfriend, we've been seeing each other for about 3 months. She's a devoted Christian, and she's only had sex w/ 1 guy and it was her fiancee at the time. She told me up front before that she didn't wanna be with someone thats had multiple partners. I told her that I've only been with 3 girls, which is a lie, it's really around 20. She's the first girl I've found that I can see myself staying with. I'm afraid that if I tell her the truth, she will be extremely hurt. I hate lying about it to her, but I feel like its kinda necessary, maybe I'm wrong. I need some opinions.
2006-10-17 10:21:23 · 36 answers · asked by flimp25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If she is truly a good girl and a christian you can tell her the truth i promise. if she loves you and you love her thats what matters. i dont think that you should have ever lied to her but you just have to put it in the right words when you tell her the truth. it sounds like this is going be a life long relationshipp and u dont want to start it off with lies. tell her how much she means to you and how in the beginning u lied because u werent that close to her. and now that you see yourself with her in the future that its a part of you that you want her to know about. youll feel much better about things once you do especially if u are questioning it right now. but if you know that it will put things in jeopardy then dont tell her.
2006-10-17 10:25:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really should have been honest up front. We have all made that mistake before, and then you wish you had just told the truth. It's hard to trust someone even after they have told you just a "small" lie. If she truly loves you, and you tell her the truth, she will forgive you. It will be hard to earn the trust back, but if she is "the one", it will all be worth it. If you know that being with that many girls was a mistake, tell her that you used to live a terrible lifestyle, that you're ashamed of it, and that you didn't tell her at first, because you cared for her so much, that you were afraid it would drive her away, but now you can't live with the dishonesty. Tell her you're sorry, and ask her if she can ever forgive you. I hope this helps. I have been in a similar situation, and it is not fun.
2006-10-17 10:30:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, she will absolutely be hurt. I would be. I really value honesty and believe that a relationship should never start on a lie. The problem is it's too late, you already lied. I wouldn't have advised lying right from the start, but it's done and now to decide on how to deal with it. Sexual history is a difficult issue. Many people don't get into the details of their histories to avoid this very issue. First of all, I hope you've been tested and are prepared to do so if not. Talking about sexual history is important because of the health implications, but getting into details is never wise. I do think you will have to inform her though. Maybe you could recommend couples counselling so she knows that you are committed to this relationship and regret lying. But I can't see not clarifying the lie and soon. It is a risk though and she may not react well. Actually, she won't at first, but if you are gentle, authentic and apologetic and say what you said about seeing yourself with her longterm... you never know. It's a hard one.
Good luck
2006-10-17 10:27:34 · answer #3 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Baby doll, you need to go with your gut feeling. This lie will catch up with you sooner or later. People don't keep sex a secret any more. Better be carefull if you continue lying because when the day comes that she finds out you were lying, your feeling for her will be so overwhelmingly strong that you will be devasted, and not to mention the hurt you will put onto her. So my advise to you would be to be honest and if her feelings are true for you, she will find a way to cope, forgive, and start a new honest relationship with you. You don;t seem to be a bad guy so don't act like it. It might be better to write her a letter explaining how badly you feel for lying and that she deserves to know the truth before this relationship moves any further. It's only fair to both of you. You will feel so much better and you can make a new start with loving lady friend. She will come to appreciate your honesty.
2006-10-17 10:43:05 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You want a relationship with someone based on a lie???
What does that say about you????
Get a grip and be a man and speak up. The 3 girls you were with could have had multiple partners who could have had multiple partners and so on.
If you like this girl so much why tell her lies.
If she is a Christian she has a forgiving heart...
If she finds out later you lied you will have jepardized anything that could possibly have been.
Gather your pride and tell her, she deserves to know the guy she might be interested in is a truthful man.....
How can you ever have trust in one another if you can't be honest?
If you get away with one lie, you might be tempted to tell another...... go and tell her now!!!!
2006-10-17 10:30:56 · answer #5 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say this, but honesty is extremely important in any relationship. TELL HER THE TRUTH. If you can't be honest with each other about this, what else might you be hiding?
If she really cares about you, the past won't matter. It's the here & now that counts, and clearly you want to be with her. Take her hand and tell her that you were afraid to tell her the truth before, but now you realize that the truth is the only way to have a future together. Ask her to forgive your past mistakes. As a Christian, that should appeal to her - if not, you need to find someone else.
Good luck to you!
2006-10-17 10:30:02 · answer #6 · answered by 40yomama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand how you feel. Sometimes you find it necessary to lie in order to spare the other person's feelings. However, if you really care for her and you want to be in a long term relationship with her. your best bet is to tell her and let her decide. If she loves you, she may be able to see past that. I know it sounds like a typical female answer but lying about things like this will only cause you to feel guilty later on. Tell the truth and if it's meant to be, then she will choose to stay. If she chooses to leave, it's not the end of the world and you will feel better that you got that off your chest.
2006-10-17 10:36:35 · answer #7 · answered by kittykatmendez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, it shouldn't matter that you've had multiple partners. If you like her, then your heart is with her and not other girls, so TELL HER THAT!!!! Don't lie. That will make her walk! Trust me. You need to up front and she will respect you more in the long run. You need to do some work on making her trust you by being loyal, honest, and Don't CHEAT ON HER!!!!!!!! Tell her that just b/c you've slept with other girls doesn't make you not want to be with her. Don't push sex though. Hold off until you guys have talked this through.
2006-10-17 10:26:07 · answer #8 · answered by inlovewow 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha. You really need to tell her the truth. If you can see yourself marrying this girl, then she has to know the truth cause she'll find out sooner or later or you'll just feel guilt and relationship are based on honesty. If she does get upset you know, you just gotta tell her that you're really sorry and like that she's the one for you and you love her and as a Christian, I always say in the case of relationships, if it's meant to happen, God will make it happen.
2006-10-17 10:24:49 · answer #9 · answered by typicalbutiluvyou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you should of been honest from the start, but now since you lied there is a big chance that she would be hurt. It's a boy's honesty that girls admire the most. If you got a good girl then she deserves the truth and I think you should tell her
Good Luck
2006-10-17 10:26:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋