my bf hit me for the first time, should we make up?

Question

I have been dating my bf for 3 yrs, we had planned our future together with respect to marriage & children. We love each other incredibly and he use to treat me well. I am a doctor & he's an engineer, we were prefect for each other. Recently,He hit me once, a slap in the jaw when i was screaming at him in his car at the way he drove.It hurt for 2 days. I still love him but i am confused if he loved me then why did he lose control and hit me ? SHould we get back together as he expressed extreme remorse and apologised ? Or is he likely to hit again ?

Answer 1

First of all, "screaming at him" shows that you are having a wee bit of a problem expressing your emotions in a healthy manner.

More importantly though, his resorting to physical violence to gain the upper hand, shows a gross lack of control and a total disrespect for you and your well-being. You should leave immediately and do not turn back - ever.

Do not stop at GO, and do not collect your $200.00

Face it, your relationship has digressed to the point of no return. If you were to stay, it would be the same as condoning his behavior, and it would happen again. Re-read this - it would happen again!

Move on, find yourself a man that has better ways of expressing his emotions, and get a little help for yourself around that "screaming at" thing. No one has the right to be physically or verbally abusive to another human being. You do however, have the right to walk away at any time. It's called having healthy boundaries.

Answer 2

As a Doctor of any sort, you should know where it goes from there. Suggest counseling for him or perhaps that both can attend, even anger management. Keep your distance from him till you can truely asses the degree with which he hit you and the context it was done in.
NO one, NO one deserves to be hit. Not even if it was an accident in the one doing the hitting. Abuse starts slow and grows and statistics show that there are those that were not abused previously, have an anger issue and no way to deal with it and it oftimes grows into an anger that is uncontrolled. Thusly resulting in major injury or even death in most cases.
So take time and really look at what is there and again, try the counseling bit. If he doesnt want to go, then you have the only decision in what to do about his hitting you.

Answer 3

If your a doctor you should know better. If he hit you once he will have no problem doing it again. Listen to most abused women, they will tell you, it almost always start with a push, then a slap, next thing you know you will be wearing shades when you make rounds at the hospital because your eye is black, and you will be telling all of your friend how you fell down the stairs that is why your lip is busted. Not trying to make you think of him as a "MONSTER". You asked the question, leaving me to believe you must have some concerns.

ERROR on the side of CAUTION.

Answer 4

There was no other way to get your point across than to scream at him? It is no more okay for you to disrespect him with your tone than it is for him to hit you. Was he drunk while driving or just more erratic than you were comfortable with? You didn't give a reason for you screaming at him, other than the that he was doing something you didn't like. Some women were raised with the belief that men shouldn't hit women because it's a sign of disrespect- myself included. But its seems as if many of those women were never taught to give the same respect they request. It seems to be okay for a woman to react negatively when enangered. I disagree with this.

I personally feel that the day of not hitting a woman is over. I'm not suggesting abuse but if I was a man and a woman hit me, I would hit her back. Where is it written that men don't deserve respect and that women can act out any way she chooses without fear of reciprocity?

On another note, why are you speaking like you're a victim? Are you afraid of him? I'm 5'7/135lbs. My man is 6'4/285lbs. We get into verbal disagreements all the time because I'm very opinionated- we both are actually. But I can talk 'til my voice cuts off tryna get my point across. My man gets angry at me sometimes and talk about how small I am in comparison to him. But I'll bet you he would never hit me. He knows that if he did hit me and didn't kill me, I'd spend the rest of my days tryna ruin him. He knows I'm not physically stronger but he doesn't at all doubt my ability to physically handle myself. If you had hit your man back, I guarantee you you would not be having this problem. Most people won't just jump into an unknown situation. If he suspected that you could hurt him as much as he thinks he could hurt you, he'd think twice about trying something with you. I'm not suggesting you maintain an abusive relationship, just reminding you that you aren't weak.

Concerning your situation, I would evaluate my actions to see if I didn't have some part in what happened. I'm not excusing his actions; there is no reason for abuse. But what you described does not sound like abuse to me. It sounded like an action/reaction kind of situation. Has your man ever hit you out of the blue? Has he every verbally abused you? Or showed other displays of aggression towards you? These actions are inexcusable actions that I would end a relationship over. You're a smart women, you should know when you've done nothing wrong. But don't think that because your man loves you that he'll let you speak any kind of way or do whatever you want to him. Talk it out. Find out why he reacted that way and accept responsibility for your part. If you can't, it's time to let the relationship go.

Answer 5

Get out now. He can apologize to the ends of the earth..there is never, never any reason to do that to another person.
As a Dr, I would assume you have had some training in abuse, and the signs of it..also some recent statistics. You should know better.
Go find someone who wont beat you.

Answer 6

I don't get guys who hit women - most likely he will do it again-better finding out now than later. Some people change but he needs help first. Maybe I can kick his a s s and get his jaw hit by a guy and see how he likes it... sorry one of my soapboxes here.

Answer 7

if someone hits u once, they are likely to do it again. but before u get back together make sure his head is on straight. cause if he pulls that off again u should seek counseling. but if he hits u agin, 3 strikes your out, it should be over. its not good to have a abusive relationship no matter how much u love them, cause the thing is, if they loved u they wouldn't do it.

Answer 8

I was in a relationship just like this, with the same questions. I kept dating him for 3 more years and the abuse got worse. He is more likely to do it again, especially if you go back to him. If you can, try to be friends for a while. hope this helps some.

Answer 9

First of all I think that if he hit you once it will happen again. Second of all if he really loves you he will get couseling for anger management. Third of all once you do get married its like they now think they own you. I suggest if it ever happens again make him get help other wise you will regret it in the years to come. Just my opinion

Answer 10

maybe you should talk to a close friend and ask her/him what you should do. Or you should go to a counsol and ask him/her if you should get bac w/ him or you should just break up w/ him. but i think you should break up w/ him and stay away, because it is likely that he WILL hit you again. and this is serious. if you don't do any of this then you should tell your parents, or a close relative. so then they can really help you and stay in touch w/ you! Good luck!!!