See other questions I've asked. Basically, me and my "friend" are getting on extremly well, however, yesterday I ballsed it up by asking for physical contact. He said that it definately wasn't out of the question in the future but he's still numb from his divorce right now. I went on to say, I will get on with my life maybe date a few guys, and try to see us as just friends. He replied, I'm here for you if you need me, friends is good at the moment.
We get on extremly well. We've started meeting up instead of just talking on phone, I think he's concerned about age differnce too. 17 yrs. I really care for him, we make each other laugh and spend hours on the phone. Do you think this will turn into something more or is he giving me the brush off? I don't mind just being a friend, afterall, we have been through both our marriages for 6 yrs now. I've been seperated 10 mths him 18mths. We both have kids, mine young, his nearly teenage. Please help, and please don't shout!!
2006-10-17 09:20:07 · 18 answers · asked by flumoxed 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Have I not just completely ballsed it up by telling him I'd like things to get physical?
2006-10-17 09:37:26 · update #1
He was married to my ex's sister. Our kids know and love each other very well. They spend most summers together. Although my ex's sister hates this now. She loved it before.She has main custody, he has them weekends.
2006-10-18 08:14:55 · update #2
Let my try to put myself in his place so you may get some insight.I am in my 40s;, divorced with 3? teens to take care of as a single dad for the first time in my life. It is HARD. We are all fearful and the kids act out w/o knowing why. My hands & plate are full. I love this woman in her late 20s (am I close?) with small kids. She is only a little older than my kids are. I love her(this is a given. don't question it) Our backgrounds are entirely different from each other due to age differences, among other things. I don't have the time yet to look at what went wrong in my marriage, because this learning curve is VERY steep. I don't want to screw up a really good friendship by sleeping with her. My kids will feel even more insecure if they have to get used to more & younger kids and the new g/f takes some of my attention away from them. I fell all shook up; what must the kids feel like? Am I up to being able to be a good dad for both her & my kids? I can't deal with the added stress right now. I want to say yes, but I am afraid it will blow up in my face. God, am I stressed out. I hope she can be patient till I can figure out what to do. Am I losing a good thing by making her wait (or give up and choose someone else) or will I regret trying it now? No matter what, I want her in my life in an important way. Damm, I don't have the energy right now for anything new anyway.
Are you getting the picture? Sounds to me you have a really special guy in your life and you do not want to blow it either. And meanwhile, don't fool yourself that you don't have your full plate of issues around your divorce, what the kids need, how will they react. You have had about only half the time to deal with your issues than he has to deal with his.
God, do I ever get long winded, or what? ;=) I am about 60. Never was patient about trying to be with someone. Always attracted to younger women. And everytime I tried, it was one great big headache that created lots of ill feelings. There is a woman I want to get to know better. She has a bunch of baggage to deal with from her former relationship. I also still have baggage to deal with. She needs time and space and I am trying to give her all she needs. In fact, I have stopped wishing & hoping and am being only a friend to the best of my ability. If it is meant to happen, it will. If it isn't, I believe we will be close friends. I need to be grateful for what I have. And I am not going to close any doors that may open in front of me.
I hope you can understand all this rambling. Any worthwhile relationship takes a LOT of HARD work.. If he is the good guy we both believe him to be, he is worth waiting for. Sounds to me like he is being completely honest with you. I could be wrong. I suggest you take him at his word. If you decide to date others, so be it. It will help you to be surer of what and who you want.. And if in the end, things don't pan out like you want, you both have a good friend to help each other along life's path. The best of luck to you both.
2006-10-17 10:16:00 · answer #1 · answered by bob h 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love is funny thing it happens when you least expect it. I would think the guy needs some time to "fix" his mind and find himself again. I'm in my mid twenties and can't imagine what it would be like to divorce my supposed life partner, yet I'm sure it would take me time to get past it... they tend to be messy.
I would suggest spending time with him just having fun but without expecting anything. Keeping in mind that you are only friends... at some point you might see him reciprocate and start opening up to you. They say woman are strange things but I'll tell you we men are just as weird. Most men only want one thing but there are a few who differ. He could be one of them.
I don't think the age difference is much of an issue as you both have kids and are separated. It might even be a good thing if you get to know his kids, if you don't already, and he yours.
I hope you get your answer soon enough, and if it turns out he isn't the one for you that you remain friends... also that you meet the right guy.
2006-10-17 09:36:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think friend potentially have the best chances of being the best couple. Nothing better that a mate who is your best friend.
I think he's just a mature guy who wants to take the time to see if will blossom naturally. The kids may be holding him back, and his divorce may also affect him.
Give him some time and just be friends for now, and when you are both ready, or if suddenly you realize the moment, seize it!
2006-10-17 09:24:56 · answer #3 · answered by MisterO 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it doesn't always turn into a relationship but one of the two people do tend to get feelings for the other when the other person doesn't feel the same way you and your ex boyfriend can start going out again if you do become friends with benefits but i wouldn't recommend that
2016-03-28 13:14:51 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well from how you are describing the situation, i think you should wait until he feels that the two of you are close enough for him to open up to you. Be sensitive. Guys love girls that are sensitive in his time of need. I would know, im a boy to. If that does not work try opening up to him. make him fell comfortable. Wichever one you choose, just dont come off to strong, you know? Boys hate that.
2006-10-17 09:31:04 · answer #5 · answered by rl2t 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The last thing you want to become is his rebound relationship. Give him time. It sounds like he is still upset about getting a divorce and may be a bit gun-shy when it comes to another relationship. It sounds like you are off to a good start tho.
2006-10-17 09:28:56 · answer #6 · answered by pupcake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Let it take its course. Yes, you and him can relate. But you don't want to jump into it without going out and having fun. Meet new people. Do it for yourself and he should do the same. If you two are meant to be then it will happen. Don't rush it.
2006-10-17 09:22:41 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,, hey , i think that this sounds like the making of a good romance,, i think that every relationship has to have friendship for it to work..... into something more...
Age,, is no big deal unless you want it to,, so your going to have to convence him of that.... (my fiance is 30 yrs my junior) and its great,,,
I get to tell everyone eat your heart out !!! hahaha
good luck
2006-10-17 09:30:50 · answer #8 · answered by eejonesaux 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Patience, patience. It should evolve almost sub-consciously. My bf and I have know each other for 10 years. He was my roommates bf in college. We've been friends for years, and then one day we had the talk and things are even better.
2006-10-17 09:29:20 · answer #9 · answered by devilUknow 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for each other. Anything can happen, just enjoy each others company and if it happens, it happens. Have fun being friends, but don't let opportunities pass you by.
2006-10-17 09:25:08 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋