obviously, i'm her step mom. obviously, she trusts me. the question is...do i tell her Dad? forget any further details, if this was YOU...what would you do? telling her mother is NOT an option, she is not mature enough to handle it properly.
2006-10-17 08:52:32 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
The word you're looking for is fidelity; a very misunderstood term. In short, it is faithfulness to those to whom the duty is owed. You have a duty of fidelity to both your husband and your daughter (I deliberately did not say "step". This relationship is not defined by blood).
As a wife, you owe a duty to share everything that is yours with your husband. All your love, all your resources and all your knowledge. If you don't, he will eventually find that out and the trust between the two of you will decrease.
BUT (it's a big "but") that duty does not extend to you sharing with him the things that are not yours. If your church, or work, or friends gave you $100 in trust, to keep safe for them, you have no duty to share that with your husband. In fact, your duty is very clear to not share. Your duty lies in executing your trust. He would have no right to the money because you have no "right" to it. Though you possess the money, you do not own it. It is yours only to hold in trust for another.
Your daughter has given you her confidence, expecting you to hold it in trust for her. Though you possess her confidence, you do not "own" it. It is still hers. Other than holding it safe for her, you have no other rights regarding it. Your duty lies in executing your trust. To share it with another, no matter how well meaning, would be a betrayal. It would be as much a theft as stealing money intrusted to you. Even more so, since it is more precious.
Be faithful to your trust. Understand what fidelity means, and where your duty lies. When your husband finds out, and he will, explain to him what I've explained to you. If he is a man of honor, he will respect yours.
2006-10-17 09:11:35 · answer #1 · answered by antirion 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know her father better than anyone. She obviously trusts you enough to tell you something so personal. This may be a test of hers to see how trust worthy you are. If you can tell her dad and him not let her know that he knows, go ahead and tell him but you do need to get her on birth control and buy her some condoms. I know this sounds like giving her permission but she is already doing it, she probably won't stop, the only thing you can do for her now is protect her from diseases and children. Maybe you should urge her to tell her dad and just wait and let her find the right time. It depends on what type of person he is.
2006-10-17 09:07:48 · answer #2 · answered by Angela H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would answer her questions honestly and with a complete understanding of what could happen and how to prevent what may happen and the consequences of her actions. That being said, I do not think that it telling the father is a big deal right now and I would not advise doing so. This will allow her to feel that she can still come to you if there is another problem or a more serious problem, if she thinks that you betrayed her trust by telling her father, she may feel that she cannot come to you again if she needs you. And she needs to be able to confide in a trusting mature adult.
2006-10-17 08:58:15 · answer #3 · answered by NolaDawn 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that is pretty amazing that an 18 year old trust you enough to confide in you.
I believe that you are in a critical position, where you can have great influence on your step-daughter. Please explain to her the sacred bond of sharing with another person through that level of intamacy. She needs to understand its importance. Second, inform her of contraceptives and ther importance, and how they are not 100%. You might even go as far as explaining the complexities of children (expense, time, effort).
She trusts you enuogh, so you shouldn't do anything to jeopardize that. However, her father should know, especially if she is still iving at home. Tell her that it is very important that her father knows and that he can be left in the dark about his child. Go to her and ask her what she wants you to do. If she doesn't want you to tell him, then don't. Express your respect for her and honor her trust. Tell her you only want the best and hopefully she will see that you mean the best for her.
Hopefully in the future she will continue confiding in you for important details about life.
Good Luck.
A daughter
2006-10-17 09:45:46 · answer #4 · answered by dizzys_gal 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she intends on staying sexually active make sure you take her to the family doctor and get her on birth control... next make sure she is aware of STDs and get her protection to keep in her purse... Now you can try to talk to her about being selective and picky when choosing sexual partners... As far as her father goes, she will be 18 and she will do what she desires... It's a bit late for Dad and Mom at this age...
2006-10-17 09:06:54 · answer #5 · answered by deakjone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a tough one, she confided in you yes and that was great and by telling her dad she may never trust you again. but, you have an obligation to your husband. if this girl were to go and get some std or pregnant, she would have to tell him them, and what do you think she is going to say? she will tell him that she has already told you all about her having sex, then your husband will not be able to trust you. to me i would rather have the trust of my husband.
2006-10-17 09:50:02 · answer #6 · answered by here to help 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
um, ok it depends on her relationship with her father. if they are close then i would let him in on it. if they are not and you think it would cause an issue keep it between you two untill you find out all you can. i woudlnt keep it form him for long though. even if it is something that just you and him talk about and he doesnt let her know he knows. sometimes, (saying this because i have been in simular positions, i am only 21) i woudl tell my old man things, and tell him NOT to tell my mom. knowing that he would. this may be her way of letting her father know, without telling him. she told you this so he wouldnt get angry and yell/punish or make things worse and more stressful for her.
2006-10-17 09:31:35 · answer #7 · answered by lpxerounderground 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't see a problem. Your responsibility to her would be to stress to her the consequences of her actions and let her make her own decisions. Don't judge just inform. I'm sure she already knows but it would not hurt for you to tell her. Just don't say it over and over..once is enough. After all if she is old enough to decide to have sex then she is old enough to accept the responsibility for it.
2006-10-17 09:01:05 · answer #8 · answered by omvg1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you won't talk about with other she trust a very personal subject so you should manage the situation as if she were your own daughter.
2006-10-17 09:03:05 · answer #9 · answered by tito t 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say no because she is 18yrs old and an adult, but i would do is get on birth control so she doesn't get pregant. Good luck with everything
2006-10-17 08:58:36 · answer #10 · answered by (intellgentsweetgirl) 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋