Why are a lot of people still so uptight about being unmarried with children?

Question

I saw a question on here where a girl asked something about her son and got the whole "you should be married before having children," "marriage comes before children," etc. I have only been with one man in my life and oh my God, we're not married. There are people that have waited for marriage that have been with more men than I have. What makes them so superior? They've been married then divorced, then remarried. A piece of paper doesn't really make a difference. Seriously, It's not like it was 50 years ago. My mom and dad HAD to get married because my mom was pregnant because my grandparents were ashamed. Is that reason any better than having a child? I don't think so. Does anyone agree? If not, Why not?

Everyone has reaons for not being married. My fiance and I DO plan on getting married...eventually, probably next year. My mentality is "why fix something that isn't broke?"

Answer 1

I agree that people should not get married just because they are pregnant! I never wanted my marriage to be a solution to a problem. I do, however, believe that couples should wait till marriage to plan for children. Marriage is what our society's core values is based upon. It legitimizes relationships among people and family, it gives authority over children and reinforces our belief in love and Fidelity. Marriage is a religious ritual that works hand in hand with religion on enforcing norms and values of a group or society. Every culture has them although they may not look the same. Marriage should not be a consequence of a mistake or accident, but they do happen. If and when it can be helped, the institution of marriage and family planning is and will always be an important beam in our social structure.

Answer 2

This is a dated way of thinking about things. I think that some people are too religious and like to believe that no one has sex until they are married. I know some people like this. They are a little naive. I personally would prefer to have children after I get married because I want to know that there is someone else there to help and support them. I think that this is the ideal setting for a child. Raising a child as a single mom must be terribly difficult. Half of their childhood is spent with strangers. If you have a stable setting, just without a marriage license, I say who cares. Love the child and ignore the old fashioned crap.

Answer 3

I was forced to get married. A shot gun wedding with the gun in MY back! Old school and catholics...time to come to the 21st century. I was married to that abuser for nearly 14 years til I could afford to leave and make it on my own. That piece of paper doesn't make it more acceptable. It is harder to get away with out expensive complications.. Politics is in religion, schools, health care and now in the private lives of the Americans. My son has been engaged since Jan. with the wedding planned for June 07. She just found out ,2 weeks ago, his "Good-year" as he put it, failed and they are expecting my first grand baby in May. Now I should be upset? Hell NO! This is not the baby's fault and if God did not intend for them to be together...it would not have happened. He is my only child and I would kill for him and or take the blame for him. I will not force anything. I am understanding in all aspects, because I have been there and done that. My Dad, on the other hand, is sooooo upset. Couldn't have expected anything other than that out of him! This baby is a blessing and will be loved no Less ...probably even MORE!!

Answer 4

I agree, I am not married and expecting my first child, but I am also 25 years old, a college graduate and I own my own home. I am secure in my relationship with my bf of 5 years and don't need a piece of paper to tell me that we are together. I get asked ALL the time when we plan to marry and I just tell people, we have no plans to marry. I think that some people just have nothing better going on in their lives, so they spend all their time focusing on other people.

Answer 5

I think some people believe that marriage should come first for religious reasons i.e. they believe sex and procreation are only permitted within the confines of a marriage sanctified by their church (temple, mosque etc). Others are concerned that, ideally, children should be brought up in a stable two person relationship whenever possible, and feel that the taking of marriage vows goes a long way to ensuring that this will be the case. Sadly, in reality, this is not necessarily so, and many who take those vows break them, and the hoped for stable family unit breaks up. In my view what reallly counts is the genuine commitment to work together at bringing up the children in the best possible way in a loving and stable environment. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I think if the relationship is stable... well, its their choice whether to get married or not. But, if they are using the whole "dont want to be that commited" yet issue, then I have to laugh because children are a MUCH bigger commitment than marriage is. Plus, from what I see of people being unmarried with children is because the girl got knocked up within a couple months of them knowing each other. I dont really understand it myself why couples who are so in love and plan to be together for ever and ever and have been together for years dont want to get married... but ... whatever floats thier boat. It doesn't sink mine.

Plus I just like to say "my husband" rather than "my boyfriend" (if thats what you would call him....). I just hate the word "boyfriend". It sounds so middle school.

Answer 7

If there is one thing i learned from my parents marriage is, a piece of paper doesnt guarantee love, you should be bonded by love not a piece and flammable paper, im a soon to be single parent, if things between me and the father dont work out that is, but if they do than great, but i dont want to bring my child into an unhappy household, we have both decided to be equally a part of our babies life, to give her the best we can, my parents are religous but have learned from their mistakes, and even my grandma gave me a high five for having the strength to do the right thing, now adays its actually more common for kids parents to not be together, not a good stat but roles have reversed its now weird for kids to tell there friends "my mommy and daddy are married" when all the other kids have step brothers and sisters that they love, so you know what, you know whats right for you, go with your gut, its the best thing to do!

Answer 8

I couldnt' agree with you more. I've been with the same man for 7 years now and he and I are expecting our 4th child in May. We do plan on getting married, but you're right, all it is is a piece of paper that says you're bound by law, that just means it's harder to leave but doesn't mean it won't happen. He and I are perfectly happy and will eventually get that oh-so-important piece of paper.

Answer 9

While I understand your position, you'd be amazed at what one piece of paper can do.
Marriage isn't just about that piece of paper, though. It's about knowing you are committed. It's about standing before a group of witnesses and asking them to support your marriage.

Although I am married, and I believe marriage should come before children, it's not always the best solution.

I don't think I'd have married a certain man I dated if I'd goten pregnant, but I didn't. Thank God!

Marriage is a foundation, to be built on. It is the building block of the family. Without the committment and devotion of that ritual, relationships are perilous.

Answer 10

I agree with you. I've notice though, these days a lot of married people and people with kids, are saying, DON'T get married and DONT have kids. At this day in age, things are getting harder and a lot of people aren't following the tradition of being a wife and a stay at home mom. There is just to many things out there and lots of experience out there, not many people have time to enjoy that.