What to do about a racist Aunt?

Question

I used to date this guy what was half blk/wht...my aunt never really approved of him. the problem is i found out she voiced her opinion to others of the family instead of me. the guy and i are broke up now..its been a couple of years...but i still cant help to be mad at her for goin around me and talking to other about it instead of to me. i am 30yrs old and can stand up for myself. Not to mention she has voiced her thoughts about other stuff in my life to everyone but me. My mom says i should not hold a grudge, but i cant help it and now my mom expects me to fly to Conneticut for Christmas and says oh btw...your aunt is goin to be there, but asked me to civil around her...I hate racial people. They just come across as stupid.

What would you do? I just don't like her being 2-faced like that and don't want to be around her to hear the criticism about how I live my life, etc. later on. Nor have my kids exposed to it.

Answer 1

There is nothing you can do about bigotry and backstabbing ... its her upbringing.

now, to the meat of the question ... will you allow her presence to keep you from your other family members? you have to realize that what you are doing by your reaction is giving her power over you that she has not earned. Being civil does not mean you have to be attentive to her and if she asks why you avoid her, be frank and tell her that its because of her talking behind your back. In the meantime, you and your children enjoy the holiday with your other relatives. If she criticizes the way you live your life, then flat out ask her if she wants to underwrite the expense of what you would need to do to totally alter your life so you might live it to her expectations? ... namely, "Put up or shut up!" ... lol ... her advice is worth exactly what you paid for it ... nothing!

You are not condoning her bigotry by showing up, you are dismissing its importance as an attitude. Happy Holidays

Answer 2

Tell it to her straight. Tell her you don't approve of her butting into your business and who you date and what colour is your choice. and its not her place to decide for you. and If you ever here her bad mouth you behind your back again. YOu'll never see her again that includes your children you may have some day she will never be apart of your lives.