My brother in law got married and my husband and I could not believe how many people showed up without a gift! When we got the gift (from a registry) we noticed almost no items had been purchased, and we got the gift 3 days before the wedding. At the wedding there was only a few gifts and cards. Since when has it become acceptable to show up at a wedding without a gift?!?! My friend says it's ok and maybe they can't afford the gift. I say that's BS and you should always bring a gift. Everyone usually has something on the registry that is inexpensive, so I think that's an excuse.
2006-10-17 06:51:33 · 6 answers · asked by GreenEyedSista 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It's actually in poor taste to being gifts TO the wedding. They should be shipped to the bride's home, or the couple's home, either before or shortly after the wedding. They can also be dropped off in person.
It's poor etiquette to bring the gift to the ceremony or reception-- it creates too much focus on the gifts and creates a transportation and security headache for the hosts of the wedding.
So, maybe the people you think were so lacking in generosity shipped their gifts like they were supposed to.
Also, it is NEVER mandatory to buy people a wedding gift! People gift because they WANT to, not because they have to. By etiquette, the ONLY time in life a gift is required is: if you choose to attend a shower, you must bring along with you a small, physical gift (NOT money or gift card).
They also could have chosen gifts that were not on the registry.
2006-10-17 13:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A gift is a requirement at a shower. If we go way back to the 1900s, before The Wedding Industry got busy corrupting the traditions, a shower was a very casual party that was spontaneously created by acquaintances of the couple, not something engineered into existance by hapless bridesmaids "mining" the wedding guest list for people from whom to extract extra gifts. Traditionally guests were people who wanted to help the couple, but mostly would not be attending the wedding such as the bowling league, childhood neighbors, or coworkers. Your "admission price" of a gift got you silly games, cookies and punch, and a chance to win The Grand Prize at the end of the party. Over the years The Bridal Industy has somewhat transformed the shower into an entitlement, so that even where there is no group of acquaintance eager to shower the bride with gifts, a shower is nonetheless is expected. This has gone so far that the old rule against inviting wedding guests to the shower (excepting those very close to the couple who ASK to be invited) has been nearly forgotten, and some people are convinced that the only correct thing is to invite guests to either both or neither. As a traditionalist, I am happy to see guests recognizing "Why this isn't a shower at all, this is a bridal luncheon. I suppose someone is CALLING it a shower in the hopes of getting gifts and I'll not be a party to their greedy bad manners." However, I would be even happier if people would simply decline the invitation, subtly letting it be known "I'm already going to the wedding. Enough is enough." Getting married does not confer any entitlement to gifts, not even from people who attend your wedding ceremony and/or reception. In terms of etiquette all that is required is a letter of congratulations, a prompt response to any invitations, and (if attending the reception) a letter thanking the hosts for the nice party. It has become very usual for reception guests to say thank you with a gift instead of a letter, but it is not required. Miss Manners advises us to send wedding gifts either before the wedding or after the honeymoon. Hosts have enough to do with the burden of accepting gifts, guarding against theft, keeping track of who gave what, and schlepping the stuff home.
2016-05-22 08:58:32 · answer #2 · answered by Liana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone should bring a gift, unless they have mailed it ahead of time or taken it to a family member's home. However, most people rebel at the idea of a registry, so maybe that's what put them off.
2006-10-17 09:43:34 · answer #3 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's ALWAYS poor taste to show up to a wedding without a gift.
I think if you're honored enough to earn an invitation, you should show your appreciation by bringing something (at least a card!) for the couple who are celebrating their union with you.
2006-10-18 10:20:47 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Yeung 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The envelopes might have had gift cards or money in them, but as a whole, yes, it's in VERY poor taste to show up without a gift.
I would have been embarrassed to show up without a gift!
2006-10-17 10:03:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you attend the wedding...give a gift...ahead of time
If you are invited but do not plan to attend...no gift is necessary but I do it anyway
2006-10-17 14:30:07 · answer #6 · answered by Library Eyes 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋