How have you coped in the past when someone has told you they were dying from a disease?

Question

I ran into a girlfriend I have not seen in years and she told me she was dying of Aids. A disease she caught from unprotected sex. I'm in tears for her. I took the time to call to find out more and discovered that the number one way to catch Aids now is through an unprotected partner who has not disclosed their status.

she has full blown, she has welts on her tummy and bumps she showned me and i'm having a hard time with the image.

i went home for the thanksgiving weekend and ran into her. i did give her a big hug and when i thought i was done she was not. so i just held onto her and let her cry in my shoulders. i also gave her my phone number, i have not heard from her since. you are all so wonderful with your kind warm words, they are very soothing.

she caught aids from an old boyfriend who did not tell her.

Answer 1

Hi Kat-

I am sorry about your friend. I to lost a friend from Aids. it is very hard to watch someone you know and care about go through all of that.. However you have to make the choice as to how far you are willing to go with them in that road... We do not know how long we are to live, and what unexpected miracles can happen in ones life...All I did was pray, and talk to him.. not about or at him..I listened, and I cried with him...I was his friend.....This is what she will need from you..Your friendship.....

You both are in my thoughts..Please feel free to email..Also, there are HUNDREDS of support groups for people that have friends and loved ones suffering with Aids..give them a shot as well..... Be informed........

Answer 2

I have had a few special people in my life destroyed by this disease, and they got HIV the same way; by having unprotected sex. Here is my advice for coping with the disease: Take an active part in making her days on earth more special, by helping her make a connection with God if she desires, by just visiting her and letting you know that you care, and if you can ease any burden she has because of the disease (finance, needing errands run or anemities while she is in the hospital or sick at home, etc.), do what you can. Another positive thing you can do is to help others become aware of the disease by contributing and/or volunteering to the aids cause. If you could prevent even one person from contracting this deadly disease, her life would mean something more than being another statistic. Use the sorrow of one to prevent the sorrow of many. Check out a few links I have posted below........

Answer 3

I know it's hard for you to deal with a situation like this, but right now she needs support and not tears from you. you have to make sure that she knows you are not judgmental in anyway and you will do anything to help. You also have to remember being helpful should be used the same way as you did before you found out about her condition. Like most people that are dying, they don't want sympathy or someone smothering them with emotions. Some want answers that you can never answer, some want to start over which can never happen but most want a friend that can be there as needed and you can do that.
Both you and your friend have to remember that the history of yesterday cannot be changed, the history of tomorrow is not known so all that matters is what you are given today. Make the most of what you have today.
Randy Scott

Answer 4

troyed by this disease, and they got HIV the same way; by having unprotected sex. Here is my advice for coping with the disease: Take an active part in making her days on earth more special, by helping her make a connection with God if she desires, by just visiting her and letting you know that you care, and if you can ease any burden she has because of the disease (finance, needing errands run or anemities while she is in the hospital or sick at home, etc.), do what you can. Another positive thing you can do is to help others become aware of the disease by contributing and/or volunteering to the aids cause. If you could prevent even one person from contracting this deadly disease, her life would mean something more than being another statistic. Use the sorrow of one to prevent the sor

Answer 5

So sad! :(

Hearing about smoeone's death is not so frightful and troubling as when you know that someone is dying of some disease and you can but just see that person die!

Some months ago I heard from my friend that she had been suffering from Colon Cancer and after some days her sister informed me that she was in hospital and they were waiting for God to give her place in His Kingdom.


I cried! Tears were rolling dow my face when I was thinking of her condition and was so sad that I had never even seen her. I prayed to God - for that was all I could do. We are from different countries. Well, I met my friend online when I was chatting some 16 or 18 months ago.

Whenever I saw her sister's e-mail for me I got frightened if the message was a sad one. :( Well, some weeks ago I heard from my friend and she told me that she was getting better now. That was a gret relief! I saw her and it was nice to have seen her and then I wished that I would not like to hear anything about her illness again because I can't eally live with such frightening thoughts. :(

I can well understand your situation because I have been through it before.

So regrettable and sad it is that a man just has sex with a woman for his lust-satisfation and thinks that woman is a mere means of sex and re-production only.

The man, who put your friend's life in danger and now she is dying, was indeed a bastard and beast and not any human being in the least!

Answer 6

Well it is never easy to deal with death and dying. There is only the comforyt that you recieve from being a good friend and caring for this person. I would never tell anyone to act in any way that you are not comfortable with. The realization that you have a friend that is sick and dying, hurts. I am gonna tell you from personal experiance that it is best to talk with her. I was there with my mom when she died. I took care of her and listened to her concerns and worries. Then I talked to other friends who have been thru the same thing. Remember it is okay to be bothered by this and eventhough you know that some day will be your last with her. Don't be a fraid to live in the here and now cause she is gone not only will you have good times to remember. You will know in you heart that you were there for this person and you made a difference. Talk to God about the way you are feeling. Or talk to someone you are close to. It will never be an easy road to go down, but if you do it with your head held high and know you did the best for her. That in itself will help you some in dealing with the issue at hand. I know this is long but remember---Never, never just keep it to yourself, ask for help when and if you need it . Even if it is just a hug from someone you love. It makes everything better.

Answer 7

Wow, you've had a shock! So first, there's the shock part to get over. Someone you know is dying. (Guess what? Everyone you know will die! We're all dying...) You can look at this seemingly random reunion as a burden (now you're bummed out, depressed, sad) or you can look at it as a gift! You choose.

Here's the part that's a gift - you KNOW you have a limited time with this person, so you make the most of it. You help her make the most of the life she has left! You support, you laugh, you cry, you LIVE. You can also pray, if you believe in God, or even if you don't! Sharing yourself, sharing her fears and griefs, you both will become more human.

Animals don't grieve, or care, or mourn or worry about how to make another animal feel happy. They don't wonder about the big questions of life and death and what comes next. You do. You care. Be there for your friend (as much as she wants you.) Don't be afraid to be human with her.

Burden, bummer, or gift. You decide. I believe you ran into this friend for a reason. Maybe she needs you. Or maybe YOU need HER.

Answer 8

Sooner or later I tell them every cure I've ever heard of for their condition, but they usually smile sweetly, suffer whatever is convenient for their family and their doctors and then die. But some actually listen and live. The following responses to AIDS are so weird that your friend would probably rather die than try one, but here are two that have been know to work:

1) A radically healthy lifestyle. As you know, it's not AIDS that kills you. AIDS disables your immune system so other things can kill you. Here's the plan: don't get those other things!

Remember the famous basketball player that tested positive a number of years ago but later recovered? In his family,I understand, are some Seventh-day Adventists. It's a part of their religion to be health fanatics, so they have exceptional longevity. If I had AIDS, I'd find the most conservative Seventh-day Adventist I could find, ask their advice, and make whatever ridiculous lifestyle changes they suggest. That is, if I decided to live no matter what my friends say.

2) The "do-it-yourself" serum. It can't be sold, of course, so you can't buy it unless you know somebody who's got it. Here's how you make your own:

Get a goat. (See, I knew you weren't going to like this.) Now we're going to generate some antibodies in the time-honored tradition of Louis Pasteur. This has only been known to work using goats, so don't be gambling your life with dogs, cats, monkeys or mice unless you really think you have time to fail.

Draw some AIDs-infected blood and inject it into the blood stream of the goat. (I'd work with two goats, just in case.) Wait two months and the goats will have produced antibodies compatible to humans.

At this point some people draw blood from their goat, condense what they need with a centrifuge, and inject the antibodies into the human's boodstream. But the special blood also has been known to work whole, "as is," no centrifuge. A person just needs enough "starter" antibodies in their bloodstream to get their own going.

Don't kill that goat! (Your friends might need it!) And don't get caught sellingl either this information or your antibody serum or the FDA will make you wish you had already died!

Answer 9

Well, you have gotten a lot of good advice here about what you should do for her. But you didn't say whether this is a friend you can stay in close contact with. Does she live in the same town as you? Are you close enough that she would want you to spend a lot of time with her? Does she have family to help? These are questions to think about to.

If she is not that close of a friend, and you can't be with her a lot, then you can still show support by callling and sending cards, etc. I had two friends who were dying but lived states away. I could only call and talk. And I sent thinking of you cards. It's hard to do long distance, but can be done.

If you can spend time with her, and she wants you to, then do as others have said. Do things with her, cry with her if she needs it. Let her set the pace--talk about it if she wants to. She may want to talk about it a lot. Just let her know you are there for her.

AIDS is not as easy to catch as some people think. You will not get it from hugs.

Coping with a death of any kind is so hard. Sometimes going to a grief support group helps. Be good to yourself and in time you will feel better. If you are a religious person, you can pray. If not, that's okay, too. Just be yourself.

One of the last things my son said to me before he died was, "Life isn't fair, Mom." And it isn't. And my friend who was dying of cancer told me as we were crying about it was, "Just remember, love never dies."

Answer 10

Well for your own safety don't get too close. Doctors tell you one thing and practice another. It's a lot easier than you are told to catch.

I had My Grandmother, Father, his sister, and two brothers to die with cancer. You live one day at a time, doing for them what you can. You visit as much as you can. But remember the risk in your case is huge.
Go riding or walking with her if she can handle the exercise. Maybe a movie or the eatery.
I once live on the beach and needles, old clothes, arm bands, washed up on the sand. A hospital contracted with a company to distroy by burning all hazerous material such as needles. The ship employees instead saved money and dumped them into the Gulf complete with needles filled blood, arm bracets with the pateints names on them , used towels, and papers ect. soem of these teseted postive for the aids virsus after being in the water two weeks.
So the risk is much higher than most medical people will admit.

It would benice if she was able to go to students and give the low down on unprotected sex.

Sorry about your friend
There is really not alot you can do for her , but thanks for trying

Answer 11

I haven't had this experience because everyone I know has simply dropped dead quickly.

But, I do know that the most important thing in tough situations is to be there for the person who is the one suffering the most which in this case is your girlfriend. Many caregivers put their emotional life on the back burner and deal with themselves later. Learning about death and dying is an important part of life.

Figure out what you can give to your friend, how much time, money, emotional availability, energy etc and offer what you have. If she isn't the taker type, tell her that she would be doing you a favor to let you do these things for her.