I have been dating a guy now for over 2 years. The problem is his ex-wife. She is a VERY VERY needy person along with his daughter(22 by the way) She the daughter is the one who doesn't want us together and has made it clear, The ex on the other hand use shows up at any given time and makes us feel uncomforable.
so as if not to hurt HER feelings he won't touch me hold my hand bearly even looks at me while she is in the room. i can't take it. What to do?
2006-10-17 06:35:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Sounds like the mother and daughter are playing a game w/ you and the boyfriend is letting it happen. Your in a tough spot, his daughter will always be his 1st priority so that's gonna be tough for you but the ex showing up unannounced and then him accommodating her over you is just wrong. Sounds like he's not quite over the ex yet .
You cant make him choose over his daughter, but if he knows the ex and his actions bother you and continues to ignore it then maybe you need to cut your losses and quit waisting your time, life is to short to be put on the back burner!
2006-10-17 06:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by michele_zanella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends on whether or not he's affectionate towards you otherwise and how important affection is to you in your relationship. You can't make him change. I guess I would listen to my gut on this one. If it honestly feels shady to you, something isn't right. If you can't talk about it and find a way to resolve the issue mutually (both compromise some and meet halfway), then what do you really have? It's not how well you get along that determines the durability of a relationship, it's how well you resolve your issues, big and small. Only you know what you should do for you.
2006-10-17 13:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SO, LET ME GET THIS RIGHT. FOR OVER TWO YEARS NOW, YOUR BOYFRIENDS EX JUST "SHOWS UP"? AND THEIR CHILD IS A 22 YEAR OLD ADULT? HONEY, YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS.
IF THE DAUGHTER WAS A "CHILD" I COULD SEE THE TWO OF THEM NEEDING TO DISCUSS MATTERS AND CONCERS ABOUT HER WELL BEING. BUT THOSE DISCUSSIONS WOULD BE DONE / HELD WITH ADVANCED NOTICE TO EVERYONE. OLE' GIRL WOULDN'T JUST BE SHOWING UP UNANNOUNCED WHEN SHE GOT READY.
AND YOUR GUY WON'T EVEN TOUCH YOU WHEN SHE'S THERE? OOOH. YOU'VE REALLY GOT PROBLEMS.
IT SEEMS TO ME THAT THE TWO WOMEN (MOTHER AND DAUGHTER) ARE DOING THEIR BEST TO MAKE YOU SNAP. AND IT IS APPARENTLY WORKING. AND UNFORTUNATELY YOUR MAN ISN'T REALLY BEING A MAN AT ALL. IF HE WAS, HE'D HAVE SET SOME GROUND RULES FOR BOTH OF THEM A LONG TIME AGO. HE, OF ALL PEOPLE, SHOULD KNOW THAT THE TWO OF THEM ARE BEING MANIPULATIVE AND HE'S PLAYING RIGHT INTO THEIR GAME. (AFTER ALL, HE WAS MARRIED TO THE WOMAN. HE KNOWS HER BETTER THAN ANYONE).
I WOULD SIT HIM DOWN AND HAVE A LONG, CALM DISCUSSION ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS. (BUT YOU NEED TO BE READY FOR WHATEVER HE MIGHT SAY. YOU MAY NOT LIKE THE ANSWER THAT HE GIVES YOU AND YOU NEED TO BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST). YOU NEED TO LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE DAUGHTER BEING AGAINST YOU, HOW THE WIFE SEEMS TO STILL HAVE ALL OF THE CONTROL, AND HOW HE DOESN'T TAKE UP FOR YOU WHEN THEY ARE AROUND. AND IF HE ISN'T ABLE TO REASSURE YOU THAT HE'LL MAKE SOME CHANGES, THEN I WOULD HAVE TO SAY THAT YOU NEED TO. YOU DESERVE SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS.
JUST REMEMBER.......THERE CAN'T BE BUT ONE QUEEN BEE IN A HIVE!!! AND AS LONG AS YOU'RE SUPPLYING THE HONEY, YOUD BETTER BE HER!!!
2006-10-17 15:09:31 · answer #3 · answered by LIPPS 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the boyfriend is very insecure himself. He isn't willing to take a stand and is allowing himself to be pushed around. Doesn't he know that by acting this way, he is communicating to you that he isn't serious about you? Why is the ex allowed to pop in--whenever ?? He needs to take a stand. 2 years is too long, if he isn't really serious. Make a decision. If you 'can't take it', you know the answer already. Good luck.
2006-10-17 13:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by Nisey 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am not over 38, but i have been the kid with the new woman and man in my parents life. I am 25 now, but when i was a teen it was rough. You need to decide what you are willing to put up with from him. His wife is wrong for acting the way she does but you can't control his or her actions so it is a matter of what you are willing to put up with. When i was still at home with my mom, i asked her not to marry her boyfriend until i moved away to college, which was a good two years away. They had been together for 5years but she agreed and he waited. Now they are married and we all get along. He was willing to put up with me and my wishes. If you are not, then you need to tell him and move on with your life.
2006-10-17 13:45:46 · answer #5 · answered by micah z 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If this really bothers you
You need to talk to your partner and let him know how you feel
There might be some harsh things said
But you need to talk to him
and get this out in the open before you get married
and make sure you both agree on something that the both of you are comfortable doing.
Good Luck
2006-10-17 13:45:09 · answer #6 · answered by Solitaire 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's time for you to have a talk woman to woman! Just because he acts like that towards you when she's around doesn't mean he still is in love with her, it could just make him feel uncomfortable, he obviously realizes that she has problems.He could be just being considerate to her because he knows she is unstable, and she is! Try talking to her, let her know that she is making you uncomfortable. Don't bother with the kid, ignore her, she's still young and of course is going to resent you..she'll get over it in time!
2006-10-17 13:54:46 · answer #7 · answered by melanie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OMG, he still loves her. No man allow an ex to just show up unless he still wants to be with her. Dump this guy and run. I guarantee he will be back with her.
2006-10-17 13:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by missy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Find yourself a real man...
2006-10-17 13:43:51 · answer #9 · answered by James B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋