Small mirrors at dinner to work on manners?

Question

My nephew, age 9, has the worst eating manners. He puts his head down near the plate and scrapes the food into his mouth and chews huge mouthfuls loudly with his mouth open while never using a napkin. I have tried and tried to show him proper table manners, lectured him, practiced with him but he's still a mess at the table.
Do you think placing a small mirror in front of his plate so he could watch himself eat would help?
Is it wrong to expect appropriate table manners from an 9 year old?
I am his auntie and I am worried he is getting to the age where he will start eating dinner and spending the night at the homes of his friends and I don't want him to embarrass himself is all.
Any helpful ideas are encouraged.

Thanks for your answers. I'm not a stickler for manners. I don't eat of china hehe. All I want is for him to NOT put his face in his plate and scrape food in. I have talked to his parents many times and they say he'll grow out of it. I find it hard to believe he will grow out of it when he eats alone in front of the TV.

Answer 1

Hi, im a aunt of 12 ,and two great nephews, and unless theres a medical reason hes old enough to know what is right at the table, if its a learning problem try rewarding him when he does a good job at the table just a small reward,so he will know hes made you happybut most of all instill the fact that you love him for him

Answer 2

Although the mirror idea is quite cute, it might not work on him. Most boys his age would probably find it amusing that he looks like a pig and his habits might get worse.

At first I was going to say that you should eat the same way he does so he could see how disgusting it is, but then again, that goes back to what I said before, he would probably find it amusing.

I know that for me bad table manners is my number one pet peeve. I can't stand it. The elbows on the table, the not sitting up, the talking with a mouthful or chewing with the mouth open. Totally disgusting.

I know that when I was younger, my mom had a hard time getting me to keep my elbows off the table and not talking while eating. For the elbows, she would poke my elbow with whatever she was eating with at the time. Fork, knife...(I know I will get a lot of 'oh my god' from that one, but it wasnt like she stabbed me) and for the sake of not getting bi*ched at, I will refrain from telling you to do the same (and because you said nothing about his elbows).

As far as the chewing with my mouth open or talking, my mom would warn me once, and then she would take away my dinner. She would say that once I am hungry enough, she was sure that I would eat the right way in fear of getting it taken away again.

It definitely worked for me. Not the first time, of course. It was hours before I decided I was hungry (in spite, I said I wasnt)

But I learned. And now I hate it when others are like I was.

And mind you, nine years old is NOT too young to expect good table manners. I was four when all this happened.

Answer 3

At 9 years old, he certainly knows how to listen to rules of the house and you could very simply make it a rule that he eat slowly and appropriately whilst at your home, or he will need to eat before or after visiting.

But you also have to be objective here.....his table manners may not be acceptable to you, if you happen to be the 'etiquette stickler', eat with silver tableware and off china plates or eat pizza with a knife and fork.....they may be acceptable to others.

Ultimately, his parents are the ones who need to initiate and enforce better table manners. Broach the subject with his parents, if its an issue that also concerns them then you can ALL make a concerted effort using the same methods.

Its a really fine line between being a concerned aunt and becoming Aunt Nosy-Nag, who lectures and makes the child practise.

Answer 4

No is it not wrong to expect appropriate table manner from a 9 year old, not even a 5 year old. I dont know if using a mirror will work. Boys are gross (I have a 10 year old) and he will problably think that is cool or something. The best you can do is keep at him at the dinner table.

Answer 5

If reminding him at the table doesn't work then put his plate on the floor and tell him that's where animals eat! If he wants to eat like an animal then that's where he'll stay to eat! Don't let him back at the table til he shows he know his manners. Absolutly 9yr olds should already have been taught table manners! What's wrong with your sister??? I'd be having a talk with her!

Answer 6

Mirror won't help at all, he'll just practice being a pig in front of it. Try sitting with him and make him take on forkful at a time. Be very deliberate and maybe even put one forkful of food on his plate. Or wait until he's had something in his stomach already, then practice manners.

Answer 7

The mirror at the table reminds me of when I was a kid and a friend of mine would bring a mirror along everywhere he went... but he was using it under the table to try to look up girls skirts...
He also used it other places I won't go into here...
Believe it or not, he turned out okay when he grew up... At least as far as I know...

Answer 8

I really don't think the mirror will help. If he's anything like my nephews were at that age, he'd just make faces in it. Just be patient and keep on reminding him, without nagging him. Nagging or name calling may cause him to continue that behavior just to spite you. As he gets older his table manners will improve.

Answer 9

You should talk with your brother or sister and tell them your concerns for his social future. I don't think the kid's going to change for you if he's not expected to have table manners at home

Answer 10

That's actually not a bad idea; I used to work in an office that required we have mirrors by our phones so we could always see our faces; we were taught that by smiling our tone of voice to customers improved as did our overall attitudes! I say yes....