my daughter is over weight and miserable?

Question

My daughter who is soon to be 12 yrs old is over weight. I am 28 5'7" and I weigh 112lbs. I am naturally skinny always have been. I can eat ANYTHING, and I can't gain weight. I have spent my whole life trying to gain weight. I have no clue what she is going through and I can't stand it. I feel like I don't have the right to tell her she needs to exercise...I don't want her to think she must be skinny like me. It hurts me so much for people to compare us to each other. My family is tiny her fathers is big. And I just don't know anything about being overweight or how to deal with it without having her grow up and say "you always tried to make me skinny like you why couldn't you just love me the way I was" I am just concerened about her health, her self esteem, her self perception. She, more than any one else, compares herself to me. I feel so guilty.

Answer 1

I can see where you are coming from. You are just looking for her best interest. If I had an overweight child, I would be concerned as well. It is not healthy and it can hurt her in the long run. What you should do is get her involved into activities that are fun. Working out doesn't have to be miserable. Buy her rollerblades, a trampoline or get her into dance lessons or swimming. This will probably be fun for her and its a good cardio. You can also change the eating habits around the house to more healthy foods. Let her indulge on the weekends only but on weekdays, prepare healthy snacks. Substitute candy for rice cakes, chips for pretzels and so on. You should do something to help her before its too late and it will be harder to lose weight. I wish the best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 2

This is just my opinion, but if it were my daughter, I would sit her down and assure her that I do love her just the way she is, but I know she's unhappy, and I'd like to help her lose the weight. Unfortunately, kids are cruel, and she may resent you more for letting her stay overweight.

I have heard that Weight Watchers will take children with a doctors note. It is the only diet program that has ever worked for me. I have struggled with weight since I was about her age. They teach you how to make the lifestyle change through proper portion control and healthy eating. If she is overweight now, unfortunately, this is probably going to be a lifelong issue for her. I think it would be a great program for a child because there's no special foods to eat. If she's at a birthday party, she can have a small taste of cake. She just has to plan ahead for it and make sure it's in her daily allowance.

When you are more educated about your food and your food selections and you see that an ice cream cone from one of these new specialty shops is more calories and fat than you're allowed in an entire day, it suddenly doesn't look that good anymore. It might be a little hard at first, but once you get going on it, you feel great, and it becomes easier and easier to stick with it.

Good luck to you both.

Answer 3

You have nothing to feel guilty over. You can't help your size any more than she can. But you are right to refrain from forcing her to exercise. When I was 16, my mother decided I was overweight and enrolled me in a Jenny Craig program. As I had until that point been completely happy with myself, this destroyed my self-esteem. A few years later, I lost some weight and have been skinny ever since, struggling to gain weight just like you, so I guess I've seen both sides of it.

Instead of putting your daughter on an exercise program, why not just encourage her to join you as you "play". Take walks, play soccer in the backyard, buy a trampoline and jump on it, join a gym and invite her to go swim with you. If it seems like a fun way for her to spend time with you instead of being singled out as exercise, she will probably participate, have fun, lose weight and never have a clue you were concerned about her weight. Also, feed her good, healthy foods. Replace chips, brownies, soda and other junk with fresh fruit, cheese sticks, gogurt (yogurt in a stick) and 100% orange juice. As long as you also reform your own eating habits and phrase it as "we need to take better care of our health" instead of "I'm skinny so I can eat what I want but you need to eat this health food", she'll probably go for that too.

Answer 4

O sweets...: Dont feel guilty, just be there for her, and support her. You dont want her to get an eating disorder... why dont you use some unmentioned psychology on her... What I mean is this.... and I dont mean this in a negative way at all.. but MONKEY SEE< MONKEY DO... So, even tho you are skinny, tell her you are going to start excersizing and eating healthier. If she asks why (because you dont need to) tell her its to keep your heart healthy, and you read that at your age (this is true btw) heart disease can still affect you, and you are just taking precautions so you can live life to the fullest. Also start eating healthier... Dont eat things such as cookies or cakes and dont have any candies in the house at all! I know it stinks, but HEY... this is for both of you. So then... Start doing at home cardio, go for walks with her, and keep a conversation going, about school, boys, friends, trends...whatever... Start buying healthy snacks like oatmeal bars (which are delicous) and yogurts too, eat healthy meals too. If you want her to lose weight, start preparing low calorie meals, in smaller portions. Or to make them appear larger, put them on a smaller plate..> STUPID i know... but effective. Try all this, with the talking, the walking and the eating healthier, Im sure she will start to get more confidence, and in the end, you will both benefit. Good luck

Answer 5

My mother could eat everything fattening and stay skinny. She died at 46 from a stroke. For your health and your daughter's looks, change your diet. Also see the page on advice for teenage girls. It is from a book written for their parents.

Good carbs like celery and carrots will never make you fat. Bad carbs like cake will, but you don't need to know the whole science of glycemic index and load. The way we have been taught to eat is responsible for making obesity the number one health problem in the world (according to Atlantic Monthly magazine) replacing hunger and infectious disease. You need to re-learn how to eat so you can become healthy. Not a diet, but diet lifestyle.

Find out about fastest way to lose weight, gradual ways to lose weight, most effective exercise, good and bad carbs and anti-water. Lose bodyfat and retained water which also makes you a lot fatter (bloated). Links page has gov. BMI calculater to find out just how much overweight you are (teens plug in your age to compare to others your age). Get latest info like American Heart Association does not want you to eat more than 6 ounces daily of meat, fish or poultry. Most important-- make sure to read the last "fat loss tip", first before anything else, to see the number one food that causes Americans to be fat.

http://phifoundation.org

Answer 6

Dont feel bad, you want your daughter to behealthy. FIrst off, stock up on healthy foods. feed your daughter fruits and veggies for snack. Prepare healthy meals and pack lunch if possible. Switch to whole grains and lean meats with lots of fruits and veggies. If your daughter eat lots of junk, try to get her to cut down, dont mention anything about weight, just tell her that the junk doesnt have the nutrients she needs to grow and be strong.

Also encourage her to be in sports or join dance or to rollerblade and run around with friends. Or DDR is great (its a game where you have a mat and you dance and step on the arrows to music, good excercise!)

Try to talk to her doc if your real worried, but keep in mind she is young so DO NOT put her on any fad diets and talk to your doc about foods she should eat.

Answer 7

Here is what you need to do, if you are serious about losing weight and keeping it off. Eat 6 small meals a day about every 4 hours. Here what that will do for you, your metabolism will increase (i.e. Loose weight) and you will have more engry. If you go on a diet and eat less, your metabolism will slow down and store to fat. That is why diets dont work. Only the size of your fist, carbs (examples:baked potato, pasta, oatmeal, beans, corn, melon, apples, fat free yogurt, whole wheat breads)in one and protien (examples:chicken breast, swordfish, shrimp, turkey breast) in the other. You can also eat vegetables and salads with any meal, they dont have none or little fat). 30min cardo exercise every day. Any of these(examples: walking, jogging, swimming,running, biking, ect), Monday cardo, tues upper body (arms: curls, tricep extensions,pull ups, front press)(abdominals: leg pull crunch, leg raises), (chest: bench press, butterfly, pullover)(shoulders: front press, arm pullover, cross county skier machine)(back:seated row, lat pull downs, back extension)(YOU DONT HAVE TO DO IN ONE DAY, mix it up) wed cardo, thurs lower body (legs: leg pull,leg press, squats, lounges) fri cardo, sat upper. Sunday eat anything you want and dont exercising, you do this on sunday so your body doesnt go into starvation mode. YOU NEED TO TAKE SUNDAY OFF. If you stilck with this you will have a great body. also drink aleast 8oz of water daily! Stay away from Mcdonals, Wendys, ect because there is nothing good for you on the menu's even the salads are bad (beaon bits, cheeze, dressing, ect) Good Luck :)

Answer 8

Maybe you should go out in the yard and play basketball or pass a football or something with her to get her active. If she has fun doing it with you she will like it and pick it up on her own time. Also what you wheat is way more important than exercise. You need to have healthy foods in the house and stop buying chips, going to fast food places, no ho hos or anything. Buy reduced fat milk/cheese/fat free hot dogs and things like this. Even though you may not need these items she does and if you make grilled cheese use pam not butter and things like that. You need to make her meals heathier and encourage her to exersize by doing it with her ask her to go on walks with you and stuff like that.

Answer 9

get her and you on healthy diet and exercises program.. hiking play not only typical exercises.. do it together. join fun groups who also get exercise
sierra club and charity walks and events...
and the weight will come off. without mention or worries
you got away with a bad diet due to a high metabolism, but it will effect you with getting old before your time too.
prevention magazine and their books are great resources
ask her to join you to be healthy which is the most important..
good foods cookbook and healing foods cookbooks and MD approved ones are free for checkout at the library.
cook together healthy stuff
all junk food made yourself with healthier ingredients is a big big plus. too.
if shes having problems- or you are- emotionally with it- a family counseling session or two can help.

Answer 10

Don't feel guilty, be proactive. Do physical activities with her, encourage her to join activities at school and do fun stuff around the home. Start cooking healthy or vegan meals, when dining out play menu games like having her pick the lowest fat item and the highest fat item on the menu. You're guiltiness is gonna affect her whether you know it or not. You have to be her cheerleader when no one else is in her corner.