any parents of 4 year old going through what I am???

Question

Forget the terrible twos. I am in terrible fours!!!! I'm not being a nieve (sp) parent, but my husband and I used to always get compliments on how great our daughter was. Then, she turned 4 and now she knows everything, argues and argues about EVERYTHING has came to the understanding with herself that "no" is now her favorite word and tells me evertime I say ANYTHING "no it's not" just to argue!!!!!! ahhhhhh, someone please tell me that this stops!!!!!!

well, Mom511, you have a perfect child now don't you???

Answer 1

It sounds like she is trying to gain some power. Are there any new changes in her life (move, family issues, stress, new school, new baby)? If there are, she needs a little extra love and support.

Try and help her to feel powerful by saying things like "You did that by yourself! Look how high you can climb! You worked on that for a long time! You used so many colors on you picture!" These phrases are great confidence builders and will help her to feel powerful in a positive way.

Offer her choices where "No" cannot be an answer. "Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?" "Should we have pasta or chicken for dinner?" "Do you want to go to the park or the pool?" Offering her choices is also a great way for her to feel powerful.

Have her help you with making meals, daily chores, and shopping. She can help make a salad for dinner or scrub the potatoes, help you dust or mop, help bag up things in the market and put them in the cart. She will feel very proud to help you.

Try and use logical consequences whenever possible. Taking away a toy or privileges when your daughter misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Taking away a toy if she throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If she makes a mess, she cleans it. If she breaks a toy, it goes in the trash. If she damages something in the home, she does things around the house to pay for the damages. Let the discipline fit the crime

Another technique you can try when she is misbehaving is this. As soon as she misbehaves, get down to her level and say "I don't like when you (explain what and why)." Take her gently by the hand and put her in a spot in your home (bedroom, the couch.) Say "When you're ready to (control yourself, stop hitting, listen, behave, calm down) then you can come back with me." This is not a time out because you are not giving a time limit (you controlling her). She returns when she's ready to control herself. You may have to take her back to the spot a few times before she gets the message. Thank her when she behaves. Keep it up!

Empathize with her. Say things like “I can tell that you are feeling very (mad, angry, upset, hurt, frustrated). What can we do about that?” It will help her to better express herself.

Set limits and stick to them! “No” should mean “No” the first time you say it. Say “Yes” a lot! Be patient and consistent! Good luck to you!

Answer 2

LOL, I am going through the same thing! I wish someone would have warned me about this age. I had always heard about the terrible twos but this is at times insane. My daughter argues with her two year old sister, when my friend brings over her daughter she is a "know it all" and she whines ALL the time.


I have found that if I take away what she really likes (in my case her barbie princess dvd's) for a few days or weeks (depending on what she did) She straightens up for a bit. I also have to remember that she is only four and that most four year old's are going to do this so I will walk away for 2 minutes and breath and then come back and handle the situation so I am not making it worse by loosing my temper.


I hope this stage ends soon because she is almost five now lol. Hope everything gets better =)

Answer 3

I was going to ask if anything had changed in your lives recently, BUT after reading the other answers..Ohhh I remember that now...the mom fog is quite amazing at blacking out those things so you will actually have another one :-)

The whining thing was big with us. I would tell my daughter that I was sorry but I could not help her because I don't speak whine. Maybe if she calmed down and spoke properly I could help her. Then pay her no attention as long as she is misbehaving. Just ignore her.

She did the tantrum thing in public only twice, since I am not shy myself and had no issue throwing myself on the floor and doing exactly the same things she was doing. Amazing how quickly making an idiot of yourself and embarassing your child will stop the public tantrums.

AND, don't argue with her. Just ignore her if she behaves that way. Negative attention is just as good in their view as positive attention, so No attention is what she will understand. Extra attention if she behaves well, maybe bring home a surprise and tell her it is a reward for being so special that week (or day).

Make sure if you make a threat you are prepared to follow-up through on it. If you say pick up the toys or the go in the trash, be prepared to pull out the trash bags and undergo the resulting screams...won't happen more than once though guaranteed. FYI - you don't have to actually throw it away, get it back out of the trash later and put it away somewhere she won't find it or use this as an opportunity to clear out the toys and get some credit at a mother's store.

Stay positive, deep breaths, know it will pass. :-)

Answer 4

I am so with you!!! I have a little boy that just turned 4 last month! He's been a monster for the past 2-3 months and it doesn't look like it's gonna let up anytime soon. I was never warned about the terrible 4's either. I think it's at this point that they are really starting to push their bondaries and trying to be their own person. They really start to develope their own little personalities :-) Good luck! You're not alone!

Answer 5

welocome to the four yr club, I am there and I know is no fun I go through the same thing almost if not every day with my daughter, Ithink it is a stage. Well it did not start when she turned four it started when she started school. Just hope the year goes fast.
All My husband and I do is take one of her favorite toys away, that works. I think it might just be an attitude that little girls pick up. Who knows But good luck with the attitude of a four year old.

Answer 6

My 4 year old drives me up the wall too -- whining and crying -- and we don't give in to her, so I don't know why she bothers, but she does and it is EXHAUSTING.

I have started doing a lot of time outs and also loss of toys. In our case, her favorite things are her My Little Pony Dance Studio and Fisher Price DOllhouse. So, I start taking them away -- close up the dollhouse, etc.....and she has to earn it back.

I think that many parents (myself included) did not think parenting would be so hard, but it is. And, if I am not plugged in and consistent, then I am going to hell to pay in a few years.

Time out for each and every back talk it what I would suggest. Don't give in or give up -- handle it now before she is 13 and you will really regret it.

As far as when it stops, I am not sure it does.

Good luck.

Answer 7

I as well have a four year old, and we are getting ready to turn five and I am going through alot of the same things. She is just testing her boundaries. She knows at this point what really pushes our buttons and she plays on them to see how much she can get away with.

My tip to you. For you and your husband/partner to discipline her the same way, dont argue about who is right or wrong in front of her. Always give the same punishment. We usually start with time out (with a kitchen timer). 1 minute per year of age. She hates to watch me set the timer. if that doest catch her attention i send her to her room to sit on her bed. But usually when i start to go and get the timer and she sees me setting she starts to calm down.

I cant speak from expierence on spanking as a puncishement but I do believe at this point in her age spankings are not going to work, at her age she is imitating how you react to situations so disciplineing her with a hand will only teach to express her anger or frustration with her hand, and it may back fire on you.

Good luck and hang in there, i had a perfecct two as well, and then came four. so just hang in there.

Answer 8

My four year old son can be a real terror too. My first 3 kids were the quiet well-behaved type. Not perfect, but I always got complements on behavior.
This one begs and doesn't let up. He pesters his brothers til they lock themselves in their room. I couldn't list all the stuff he does. I have one little trick. I have a little spray bottle with water and a touch of vinegar in it. It says "potty mouth wash." It is used to wash out curse words, grunts, spitting, tongue sticking out, talking back, and arguing (a form of back talk.) One little harmless squirt worked for the older ones, and I have it prepped for this one. (Very little vinegar--just enough to taste bad)

Answer 9

Girl, I know what your talkin about. My Daughter just turned 4 also and she has an attitude that i never thought a kid her age would have. She is always tryin to be like an and tries tellin me what i can or cant do. I hope it does end

Answer 10

my 4 year old is very respectful, would never tell any adult no. He listens very well, and doesn't get into trouble often. He is a sweetheart, and he is well disciplined.