My fiances brother is getting married in Sept and didn't ask my fiance to be in the wedding. I know he's hurt by this but he says its not a big deal but I've overheard him talking to his mom about it. Were getting married next year and haven't set a date yet. Now my fiance wants to get married the same day as his brother and his mother is encouraging this. I don't want to get married the same day because that would mean his family would have to choose between his brother and him and I don't feel this is right. Am I right or should I just but out for a little bit?
2006-10-17 05:10:56 · 10 answers · asked by farmergyrl23 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Whew..this one is a toughy.
First of all, sit down with your fiance. Tell him that you are not getting involved with any problems that may or may not being going on in his family right now. You don't want to know anything, and you are not going to say anything.
Then, spell it out for him VERY CLEARLY that you are not going to have your wedding on the same day. Tell him that it is not fair to YOU, because you want everyone to be there, including all of his family. It's also not fair to you because he is forcing you to get involved by agreeing to this. Finally, state that while people are mad right now, and may be mad for awhile, everyone will regret it later down the line if they missed weddings because of this fight. It's a special day in your life, and in your future brother-in-law's life. You want to go to their wedding, and you want them and the rest of your family to be able to come to yours.
Your fiance is probably going to get mad. He is probably going to try and interrupt. Just be firm, don't let him interrupt, and put an end to the discussion if things get heated. You both may say things you don't mean. If it gets bad, just walk away and continue the discussion when it's more calm.
IF all else fails, state that your venue you want is only available on a different day. :) Or photographer, baker, florist, whatever. Use the "I want my wedding to be perfect, and it won't be if I can't have that site, so we can't have it on that day" excuse.
Good luck! You are going to need it. And really....DON"T GET INVOLVED IN ANY FIGHTS!!!! Things will get ugly VERY fast, and speaking from personal experience...husbands and their family bond is NOT something you want to come between!!!
2006-10-17 07:56:24 · answer #1 · answered by Heck if I know! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same day??? What is going on there, do you mean the same day but the next year??? You need to be stern and let your fiance know that its your wedding and you don't want to share the date, day or anything else with any other couple. Period, and your brother in law is wrong for not including his brother in his wedding, but it happens so all you can do is move on. Go to the wedding be nice, and go on with your lives, your getting married and that is all that matters. But you MUST put your foot down and let your fiance know that the wedding is usually more for the woman not the man.
2006-10-17 08:33:07 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right, it's your wedding too and you have a say in the matter. It's aweful to use the same wedding day as a way to get back at him.
The best way to get out of this family feud without looking unsupportive, is to tell them that you would like to get married on a date that is special to you both, such as your anniversary or the day you met etc. or that you had your mind set on a fall/winter wedding as it has always be your dream and you have already picked the theme and the color schemes.
I think you can get out of this fairly easy. Good luck and congratulations.
2006-10-17 08:04:21 · answer #3 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if both brothers & their respective fiancees were all really close then you could consider having a ** double wedding**
i.e:- both couples have combined function - it would not mean tha families having to choose between the brothers
however as that does not appear to be the case then definitely have different dates,
actually it would seem as though your fiance still ahs some growing up to do
when 1 of my sisters got married she had asked our other sister to be a bridesmaid but not me; so yes I was a little miffed- but still went ahead & helped her however I could ( made bridesmaids dresses; did church flowers;( she was the 1st to get married) ) ; 2nd sister just had her best friend as her bridesmaid ; I also had just my best friend as my witness ( we only had immediate family & my friend at our wedding - 15people)
DEFINITELY tell your fiance that you do NOT want to have your ceremony on the same day - other than that leave it up to the brothers
2006-10-17 13:46:04 · answer #4 · answered by fairypelican 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this post for real? Because if it is things are majorly messed up in that family with the Mom and all. Don't butt out. TELL, DON'T ASK your fiance that you are NOT under ANY conditions going to get married the same day as the brother - stand your ground. The same day scenario has family disaster written all over it - one that would affect your marriage and realtionship to your in-laws forever.
2006-10-17 06:57:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
uh...what the heck is going on?? u are marrying into a family w/ maaaajor problems..and the mother in law, u better watch ur back!! she doesn't seem like she knows how to handle her sons, or make good decisions. be careful....
if i were u, i would encourage him not to have the wedding on the same day, because u want to have a special day for urselves. if u can, try to attend their wedding and be friendly, but not overly so, considering ur fiance was slighted by the brother. he doesn't have to ask his brother to be in the wedding party either, if he doesn't want to. but still invite them to be courteous.
sounds like, in this family, u have to watch ur toes, and ur back... no matter what, if u make good or bad decisions, they may still slight you for whatever reasons.. u might as well be on the straight and narrow to be careful! good luck
2006-10-17 06:37:55 · answer #6 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You are the bride and have a say in the wedding day. I bet they want to have one of those SUPER cheesey double-weddings. Just tell your fiance your feelings on the situation.
2006-10-17 09:02:08 · answer #7 · answered by Laura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I somewhat have a similar ex. And, we've been married over 12 years. there is truly no longer something you would possibly want to do. She is using the youngsters as bait and to get to her ex. She's no longer being a ensure in any respect, and not in any respect will. yet, what has handed off in our difficulty as because the youngsters grew up, they said actuality. They continually do. So, do not in any respect initiate to talk ill of her, do what you are able to to help them as a lot as conceivable, and in basic terms take care of her as perfect you are able to. you received't get everywhere by technique of asking her for something, so do not ask. which will difficulty her as a lot as something by technique of no longer having the flexibility to get to you with refusals. in basic terms comprehend, the youngsters will see what's happening. apparently they already do or the ten year old does no longer be disillusioned about the visitation.
2016-12-04 22:23:43 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The weddings should not even be close to each other. Since you hadn't set a date yet, you need to move your date.
2006-10-17 09:47:24 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell your fiance he's being petty. Men act like little boys sometime. Your fiance is being cruel for no reason.
2006-10-17 08:12:03 · answer #10 · answered by Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋