How do I get my emotions back?

Question

Hi, I had a psychotic episode last year triggered by an intensive meditation course. I had hallunications, delusions (believed I was the new messiah, telepathy, etc etc), almost committed suicide, and it completely freaked me out.

It lasted a week. I have been recovering since. I've been through a severe depression this year and have been trying to build myself and my life back together.

Now I'm getting much better - I've been back at work for five months, I am on medication, and am seeing a psychiatrist and counsellor.

The current problem is that I don't feel my emotions. It's really horrible, like I'm half alive. I don't feel happy, unhappy, sad, afraid, joyful, excited - just nothing. Or very rarely. I think it's a protective mechanism - like I'm still in shock.

However, I'm in a safe environment now and I'd like to aid the recovery process, so the question is: how do I get back in touch with my emotions?

I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder of mixed type.

Answer 1

I had something like that about 10 years ago (hard to believe it's been that long already, yet I can remember it so clearly)... Mine was also about a week until some friends conned me into getting in the car and they took me to the hospital.

They put me on risperdal for a while (I would assume you are on a similar antipsychotic?) and it did help get me 'stable' - however I felt completely numb like a zombie just going through the motions of daily life. Under my doc's guidance we gradually reduced my doses over 6 weeks until I was off it completely. Only after I was off the meds I finally started to 'feel' again.

Discuss your concerns with your docs and make a plan to taper off whatever drug they've got you on. Psychiatric meds can be a short term help but in the long run they are just suppressing whatever issue was trying to come up. You're still going to have to deal with whatever those issues are in the long run.

And please don't let this episode deter you from meditation or other spiritual practices... here in western society most of us don't expect or know how to handle these altered states of consciousness. Besides my 'psychotic episode' I've also had a long battle with depression, and practicing zen has served me better than psych meds ever could.

Here's a great article with some ideas to consider: http://www.lila.info/document_view.phtml?document_id=14

"Western psychiatrists are aware of the existence of holotropic experiences but, because of their narrow conceptual framework limited to postnatal biography and the Freudian individual unconscious, they have no adequate explanation for them. They see them as pathological products of the brain, symptomatic of a serious mental disease, psychosis."
"Ancient and aboriginal cultures have spent much time and energy developing powerful mind-altering techniques that can induce holotropic states. These 'technologies of the sacred' combine in different ways chanting, breathing, drumming, rhythmic dancing, fasting, social and sensory isolation...."
"Since modern psychiatry does not differentiate between mystical or spiritual states and mental diseases, people experiencing these states are often labeled psychotic, are hospitalized, and receive routine suppressive psychopharmacological treatment."

Also: http://www.antipsychiatry.org/

Answer 2

Hi, man I have a same problem!!! People say you get emotions back after about 1-1,5 year after you stop taking medicines. I'm 4 month without em, got better but still have a lot of problems.

Answer 3

Been through something like that, I went twenty years with an untreated anxiety and depression disorder, I kinda lost my emotions in the mix as well, and you're right it is defensive in nature, keeping yourself numb is how you've been protecting yourself. How to get past it? Well you are on the right track seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist, taking medications. The problem with emotions is that we can't manufacture them, we can't will them into existence, they just happen when they happen and want to know a secret? They are always occuring in us, even if we aren't listening/cannot hear them.

So here you are coming off one heck of a traumatic experience and you're struggling to get back on your feet, and maybe right now you just need to not feel anything right now. When you're ready you will. Don't pressure yourself to try and feel things: like I said emotions just come as they come. You can't feel anything and maybe that's just where you are right now, maybe that's what you need cos you've been hurt so badly. Hang in there

Answer 4

Have they given you a diagnosis? maybe it was a schizo episode when it happens you get emotionally numb. Yo don´t feel anything so talk to your therapists about it they should be able to find a way for you to start feeling again.